Tag: guardian

If you are satisfied with what you’ve got, you’ll have a good life

VW volkswagen van on the beach

I was reading through the Guardian and spotted this story titled, A stranger who lived in a van gave me money by Brigid Delaney.

The key part being…

I asked her why she gave money away to strangers and she said that giving made her happy, and that the secret to a good life was not to want more than you have. “If you are satisfied with what you’ve got, you’ll have a good life,” she said. “Too many people want what they don’t have, so they spend their whole life working so they can get the next thing. But that doesn’t make them happy – so they never get satisfied and they are always after more money to get the next thing that might make them happy.”

“And it never stops,” I said, getting her drift. “The treadmill. The person is actually never satisfied. I guess that’s capitalism …”

Its something I think a lot about with my geek lifestyle… Of course this isn’t a lazy way of saying you should have less or compare yourself to others.

Black and British in America

Daniel Kaluuya talking surrounded by the black panthers
Daniel Kaluuya in Judas and the Black Messiah

There is something I have observed for decades, its being Black and British. Its something got to reflect on while reading this piece form the Guardian.

The piece is mainly about American & British cultural differences which I got to experience early in the 2000’s.

I hadn’t even reached Ithaca, the tiny university town in upstate New York – my home for the next six years, as I studied for a PhD – when the confusion over my Blackness and British accent began. I was ill-prepared for Matt, the skinny white American in a cap sitting beside me on the plane. “But you don’t seem like you’re from London,” he said (I’m from Hackney, and very proud). Matt had never been to the UK, let alone London.

I got a lot of this in a different ways.

My best story in this space (which I have told too many times, but can’t seem to find on the blog) is when me and my ex drove into a fast food place in the mid-west. She parked the car and I went in to order in advance.

I walked through the door and up to the counter to order. The young short white woman with blonde hair said to me…

“Yo-yo, brother whats up? How ya doing? What can I get ya?”

In that moment, I was really confused thinking this isn’t the way to greet someone at all? And let out a “Uhhhh, what?!” in my typical British accent.

At that moment you could see the staff member’s face descend into utter confusion. The confusion was made clear as my ex followed me and made it clear what I was thinking.

Although its quite different from the Matt story, there is still something of a disconnect/confusion which is happening. I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly. Maybe a light touch of stereotyping? (depending how you look at it)

I remember always being called African-American and trying to explain, nope I’m black or UK-Black. Some interesting discussions were had too.

IC3 means excessive force, seems to be the call always?

There is a trend. When IC3 (police code for black male) is mentioned, excessive force is somehow authorized.

From the Guardian

Huugo Boateng was taking part in a charity bike ride with his father along the River Lea in north London when he says he was grabbed from his bike by a plainclothes police officer, threatened with a stun gun and fell face first into thorny bushes.

The 13-year-old told the Observer: “I’d turned around to see if my dad had caught up behind me, and suddenly this man came out of nowhere. He was crazy angry and shouting. I got scared because I thought he might be mugging me or trying to give me corona so I ran, but there was nowhere to go but in the bushes.”

While he was down on the ground, the teenager says the officer pointed a Taser at him and threatened to shoot. The officer then arrested Huugo and put him in handcuffs. Further down the towpath, his father, Andrew, 43, was told to get on his knees and put his hands behind his back. Andrew was also handcuffed. The two were detained, suspected to have been involved in a stabbing in the area.

The most ironic thing about the whole incident is…

The family were visited by a community officer later that evening. “Huugo didn’t want them to come in so they stayed on the doorstep and asked if we were OK,” said Andrew, who works at City University. He is also active in local projects including coaching a youth football team and volunteering for the outreach programme Kickoff@3 , which is co-run by a black Metropolitan police officer, Michael Wallace.

“I couldn’t vouch for a more humble and more dedicated member of the community,” said Wallace. “The irony is that Kickoff@3 is about building good relationships with youth and the police, and Andy is instrumental in helping with that programme. The bike ride he was doing was organised by us – we were raising money for a homeless charity and a domestic violence one.”

If there was any doubt about the UK being less racist, its simply not. The racism is different but its still there…

Flight shaming is taking off?

Flight shaming is taking off (nice pun), can travel be more ethical? Is something I read and think about quite a bit (the flying bit of course).

I’m guilty of flying a lot, for example a few months ago I flew to Amsterdam and back in the same day. Besides it being a bloody long day, I did spare a thought about my carbon mileage for the day. I did fly on one of those e propeller planes there and back, which I gather is better than a jet airplanes? But the flight shaming isn’t going away.

I think its a balance of understanding and conscious decisions. I agree with the writer of the guardian piece, that a family of 4 on a train to Spain isn’t at all practical and I personally can’t think of a better way to get there with kids. Yes going somewhere local is a nice idea but thats ignoring the cultural benefits of going to other countries.

Weirdly enough this came up in Re:publica, which I need to blog about fully. Johan Rockstorm’s talk was super sobering and someone asked him how it got to Berlin for the conference (maybe consciously or non-cons iosuly) flight shaming him.

He’s reply was good and balanced.

…so how can you get you know the world to transport itself in a sustainable way I think that the that the solutions is therefore not to go out and simply say stop flying I mean that that would be like the only message because I think that that just just creates a deeper rift between the aware environmental movement and everyone who just says oh no I’m not gonna I’m not gonna sacrifice that and therefore I rather put my head in the sand and and create my own little fake news story of something that will somehow make this not happen so therefore I think the solution for us to succeed to really have even the in does indifferent majority to surf along with us is to you know show that sustainability is the entry point for a better life that we can achieve better quality of life not just through by consuming and unnecessarily flying when we don’t need to yeah of course of course as in all forms of excessive consumption…

A spy under the tree for the holidays?

The Observer on IOT and spying

Quite enjoyed Guardian’s piece about the raff of home iot devices coming to the home these holidays.

If you’ve so far withstood the temptation to install a smart speaker in your home, worried about the potential privacy pitfalls and a bit embarrassed about the notion of chatting aimlessly to an inanimate object, brace yourselves. This Christmas, the world’s biggest tech giants, including Amazon, Google and Facebook, are making another bid for your living room, announcing a range of new devices that resemble tablets you can talk to.

It was a real welcome surprise to read/hear Alexandra Deschamps-Sonsino too. Her new book Smarter Homes: How Technology Will Change Your Home Life is pretty much on the money.

“It’s very clear what they’re trying to do: sell you more stuff through third-party use of your own information,”

The fear about whether or not such devices are actually always on causes some users to relegate their smart speakers to corridors. “Think about where in the home you want to use these things, particularly if you think they might be listening all the time,”

I had the joy of capturing some of Alexandra’s early thoughts while putting together the ethics of personal data video interviews back in 2015.

I think the only thing missing from the article is a link to Mozilla’s buyers guide, which charts in a friendly consumer fashion whats actually going on underneath the surface of the iot devices we may get over the holiday period.

Airbnb is weird because people are weird?

Stay wild stylised

Reading the guardian’s recent piece about Airbnb, I was taken by this paragraph.

No matter how glossy and cool the Airbnb advertising is, with all the shiny shots of people staying in Airstreams in Texas backyards or converted air-conditioned food trucks in New Orleans, staying in an Airbnb is weird because people are weird, and their lives are complicated, their routines idiosyncratic and their bookshelves are windows into their souls. Conversations are curious, and awkward silences are things to be negotiated. You cannot be on automatic pilot at an Airbnb because strange things happen in other people’s homes, on their patch, across their kitchen tables.

As I have written about previously, I have had my ups and downs with Airbnb. Mainly ups but also some weird experiences too, including 2 experiences with cheese in my fridge.

Its certainly makes for a interesting life.

Anger upon hearing about dyslexic sperm donors turned away

Gattaca

Hwayoung told me something which knocked me for 10 in a irish bar last night.

I couldn’t believe it and couldn’t believe I had not heard about it. Then looking at the piece, we noticed it was during the holiday period (Tuesday 29th December) when nobody is paying attention.

In a practice branded “eugenics” by campaigners and a would-be donor, theLondon Sperm Bank has banned men with dyslexia or other common conditions it described as “neurological diseases” from donating.

A leaflet to donors lists a series of conditions the clinic screens for, including: attention deficit disorder (ADD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder [ADHD], autism, Asperger syndrome, dyslexia and the motor disorder dyspraxia.

The fertility regulator has launched a review of the London Sperm Bank after being alerted to its practices by the Guardian.

I am sadden and angry by the whole notion… to be honest and reminds me of gattaca.

Apple store security in racial profiling hot water

Even Steve Jobs himself would be shaking his head…

Honestly when I first saw this video via the guardian, I wasn’t really surprised.

When I was younger, I was regularly followed by security guards in stores. I knew what it was about but I guess at the time we just boycotted the shop and just went elsewhere. Its the same way I was stopped by the police for many dubious reasons.

Like most countries, Australia has its race problems and this isn’t an excuse and I’m glad the young people captured this all on video. The more of this stuff which comes out into the public domain, the more people have to face up the problems in our modern society.

Dare I mention the way the police are killing black people in the states…

… I won’t lie, I did shout inside

…2015 right! How can this still be a thing!!!

Of course this caused a wave of postings and comments across the web, even when Apple somewhat apologised. Although I got to say the companies diversity isn’t exactly great either.

Psychology of dating in the technosexual era

https://twitter.com/cubicgarden/status/624880650164830208

The psychology of dating in the technosexual era is a nice title and something I’ve been collecting stories about in my diigo group dating troubles. (diigo wants more money for it to be public, but you can look at this tag for most of it)

So my first reaction was… uhhh duhhh? Who doesn’t know this?

But then I have spoke and wrote about this to death.

Tinder is hardly original, yet it has taken the mobile dating market by storm: despite launching only last year, an estimated 450 million profiles are rated every day and membership is growing by 15% each week. More importantly, and in stark contrast with the overwhelmingly negative media reception, Tinder has managed to overcome the two big hurdles to online dating. First, Tinder is cool, at least to its users.

Indeed, whereas it is still somewhat embarrassing to confess to using EHarmony or Match.com, Tinderers are proud to demo the app at a dinner party, perhaps because the alternative – logging off and talking to others guests – is less appealing.

As I also said… It switched from physical first & personality second to personality first & physical second during the first phase of the  internet’s affect on mating. But then came the fightback, starting with social dating. Now all the big sites all have a social dating app of some kind.

 

I found the Guardian piece interesting because of one two things…

  1. Yes its absolutely right and its fair to say its still scratching at the surface.
  2. Its written by !

You may wonder who on earth is he?
Let me refresh your memory…

This reminds me of a TV show we created a couple of years ago; we profiled over 3,000 singletons using state-of-the-art psychological tests and created 500 couples based on psychological compatibility… but ignored looks and race. When the couples finally met – even though they trusted the science of the matching process – they were 90% focused on looks and only decided to date a second time if they were deemed equally attractive or worthy of each other’s looks.

Yes remember the terrible dating show I took part on (not that one!) 2 years ago? Yep that one… saying the name still conjures up a certain amount of hate and distress. The year of making love!

Clearly, psychologists have a lot of work to do before they can convince daters that their algorithms are more effective.

I found this sadly ironic, especially with everything discovered over the last 5 years. I am hoping to present a spectrum of this and other issues as a conference talk in the very near future.

Don’t forget to seed Doctor Who

https://twitter.com/cubicgarden/status/583676334997659648

It was funny seeing the article on the Guardian… Doctor Who gets official BitTorrent ‘box-set’ from the BBC.

Doctor Who is on BitTorrent. But this time, it’s the BBC that has put it there. The broadcaster’s BBC Worldwide division is releasing an official digital box-set of 10 episodes from its popular sci-fi show’s modern incarnation.

It will be distributed as a free “bundle” through BitTorrent’s file-sharing network, with an introductory video from current Doctor, Peter Capaldi, and a 10-minute preview of Rose, the first episode from the modern Doctor Who era.

Fans will be able to download or stream both, but will have to pay $12 to unlock the rest of the bundle, including the 10 episodes – strictly speaking 12, since a couple are two-parters.

Its funny because only 6 years ago, almost to the day (thanks George) BBC Backstage and BBC RAD (all part of BBC R&D) put out our first torrent of R&DTV.

RAD, led by portfolio manager George Wright, looked to various other BBC departments for advice on this, including Vision and with heavy involvement from Ian Forrester at Backstage.

Firstly, the subject of the show – called R&DTV – is about web-based technology. The first episode includes Nicholas Negroponte, founder of One Laptop Per Child,Kevin Rose from Digg and some of the BBC team behind the BBC Micro. Though it’s not produced to the high-budget standards of BBC TV, it’s definitely not filmed on Flip cameras with bad audio. It’s well-thought out, web-friendly subject matter and filmed in HD quality by Rain Ashford and Hemmy Cho from Backstage.

 

Would you watch me date?

Dates in the past, have said I’m a very good dater, maybe because I like to ask a lot of questions and tend to spin from one thing to another quite naturally. Something to do with my dyslexia I think, or I’m just good at cocktail parties?

But would you want to ever see me date? I thought about this with channel4’s first dates programme, but didn’t get picked…

However recently Simon Lumb pointed me at the guardian’s watch me date…

Each week, we’ve chosen two different people, given them two pairs of Google Glass and packed them off on a date (there is usually a lot of alcohol involved too). Filming begins the minute they meet, and that off-button is only pressed once they’ve said goodbye. The results? You’re right there with them, on these awkward, often funny and sometimes even romantic first dates.

I heard about it via my collection of dating feeds but hadn’t checked it out till now.

The results are not too bad, I think there reasonable and quite interesting for 5mins of web video.

Would I sign up for it? Unlikely, although part of me is wondering if I should just give it ago. However this type of thing is what got me on the year of making love and how to have more sex… Harsh lessons to remember.

Why shes not a feminist

I have already posted about being a feminist and dating feminist. Interestingly Rosie posted how to find yourself a feminist partner which hopefully we will talk about on lovegrumps soon.

Recently I have butted head with different women over feminism. I don’t know what it is but so many women really hate the term and will never consider themselves feminist.

One such person is Girl Geek Upnorth, who wrote her feelings about why she doesn’t identify as a feminist. So I will reply…

  • I do not need to identify myself as a feminist to believe in equal rights and opportunities. I live in a world where I am free to make this choice, it is my right to do so, even if you don’t agree with it.

I agree, and I support her rights to make the choice not to identify as a feminist. Its ultimately up her, I just suggested she might want to consider it.

  • I do not believe that men and women are equal. I believe we should have equal rights and opportunities, but I celebrate our differences, and I can accept that these difference may lead to a divide in political, economical, cultural and social representations. This does not necessarily mean that equal rights and opportunities were not given.

Its all about equal rights and equal opportunities. Everybody is unique and different, I do celebrate this too. But they should have equal rights and opportunities.

So I think were saying the same thing pretty much, although she doesn’t use the label. However when it comes to the movement against and women against feminism, I’m less certain we agree.

It is my opinion, that in more recent times, feminism has been tainted. Something must be causing these women to feel like feminism is trying to make them feel like a victim, claim oppression, or be ashamed of wanting to be a stay at home mum instead of lawyer or doctor. These feelings don’t come from no where, and whether or not feminism represents these ideas or not, it does not make the opinions of these women any less valid. Maybe in their cases they don’t need feminism anymore because for them, the feminist movement has done its job, but I think it’s a damn shame that such an amazing movement has become so misunderstood and warped by today’s society.

I feel people are people and in groups, there will always be parasites. Or in this case people who claim to be feminist who don’t respect other peoples right to make decisions for themselves. For example when Jody wrote about her breast augmentation in the Guardian. The hateful comments from radical, self righteous, hypocritical, or even judgmental feminists was shocking.

I will admit I am finding more smart women who subscribe to the values of feminism but refuse to be called one. And its their right. I feel the word is in transition of being reclaimed, maybe in many years it won’t be a taboo to be called a feminist…. maybe?

Update… Andy Powell added his thoughts.

He asks the question about FEMINIST verses feminist. Or I you could say big F vs small f feminist. I did find the language politics highlighted by Tom Scott very interesting too. Although I can’t get behind Equalist.

…because of the attitudes of the FEMINISTS I find it difficult to claim I’m a feminist, so Im just going to go on record as saying I’m an Equalist.

Equalist for me is like when somebody says I’m  African American. I have been called it before while in America, to which I had to say I prefer Black thank you . I understand and respect why some people want to use that term but it feels like a half way house, and for what?

Feminist stirs the pot and conjures up thoughts in the people who hear it. Same as Black, same as Gay, same as Geek…

I guess at the end of the day as long as the values are equivalent it doesn’t matter what you use. Now thats something I can get respect.

Online dating? Why so serious?

Why so serious?

In passing I also found the hierarchy of seriousness in the Guardian’s post, interesting following the last post

At the top is something like Guardian Soulmates or Match – the ones you pay for. At the lower end are the likes of OKCupid or PlentyOfFish (POF) which are free, more casual and less “Where do you see yourself in 10 years’ time?”

Although I do agree about the statement, I think of it as more like a spectrum. You have your Match and Guardian Soulmates on one end and your Social dating apps like Tinder at the other end. Around the middle is something like OKCupid.

The more serious end of the spectrum is full of people wanting kids and marriage quickly. Theres also a certain amount of desperation you can feel coming from that end. Its very much what people use to make jokes about when they thought of online dating.

The other end is less serious and more casual. Yes you get casual hookups that end too but also you get people who are more laid back and less pushy about being in a relationship. Right now my circumstances would favor somebody from this end.

The mistake people make, is thinking all the quality is at the non-casual end of the spectrum. I’m not economist but dating is a bit of a numbers game. I guarantee the number of people you meet at the social dating end is far greater, even if its to meet and think never again. I would also contest that you will get more tech savvy young professionals and geeks than the other end.

Who pays…? Remember It’s 2014 after all…

Dinner date - Day 122, Year 2

Rob pointed me at a piece by David Mitchell in the Guardian about who pays on the first date. He called it my favorite subject, although to be clear its not, I just find it fascinating the social, society and gender pressures at force. I’m not the only one to notice this…

Why do we cling to prehistoric dating rituals in a technological age?

The majority of us still believe that men should pay when men and women go on a first date. Is this a sexist throwback, or a necessary means of communication between the sexes?

. A survey published this month found that 77% of us think that, between a male and a female, the male should foot the bill. Of the 1,000 respondents, 73% of the women and 82% of the men said that it was for the bloke to get his card out.

What do you think about that then? Terrible? OK? Presumably about 77% of you agree that the man should pay, but then you may still think it’s terrible that you think that. Is it a harmless remnant of a more sexist age, an adorable antiquated tradition that benefits women and has survived the passing of many of those that disadvantaged them? Or is it a horrible sign of the patriarchy’s continued power? Money, the great capitalist symbol of strength, remains the territory of the penis-bearers (by which I mean possessors, not endurers).

Ok so I looked at the survey in question, what I found was slightly disappointing.

77.4% of 1,004 people surveyed across the country who are in a relationship – believe men should pay the bill on a first date. About 19% felt the bill should be split in some way. Only 3.7% said men should not pay the bill.

…study asked more than 1,000 people across the United States

Survey of 1004 people? Thats it? And its American…. In the random survey I did myself, it showed Americans tend to go with the man paying plus 1004 isn’t a lot. Moneysavingexpert did a poll a little while back and they had 13,000+ people vote.

Ok ok…! Enough… David later makes some good modern points.

Another aspect of society’s sexism is that we generally assume the man will always want to have sex with the woman. By convention, he will have asked her on the first date, and the purpose of the event is for her to see if she likes him – his approval is assumed. That’s not altogether PC. What if she turned out to be racist or talk with an interrogative inflection or constantly say “in any way, shape or form”? Is the man supposed to pay and then make himself sexually available to this harridan, purely out of gallantry?

Absolutely… Just because we’re on a date and I’m a man doesn’t instantly mean its a foregone conclusion. Trust me I’ve been on dates where the woman has wound me up so bad, I’ve just wanted to get up and leave. Certainly sleeping with them is the very last thing I’m thinking.

…we try and communicate using money. We fall back on our knowledge of ancient patriarchal conventions of what it means to pay, or be paid for, as a way of trying to send and receive signals through the fog of mutual ignorance. It’s not a good system, but it’s all we’ve got. Until we get back to our computers and can just click “like”.

I’ve heard this quite a few times in the past. The only way to tell if somebody likes you is if he (or she) pulls out his/her credit card and pays the bill. Its a clear sign of interest. In 2014, it shouldn’t be this way and I’m hoping with projects like the flirty weekend, the ability to express yourself and understand other peoples body language won’t be the complex puzzle it currently seems.

Dating feminists

Found via Josh and Zoe on Facebook – Feminist Dating by Emma Jane Unsworth. I would say its a interesting take on what it can be like for a feminist woman dating in 2014.

The comments as you would expect (you only have to look at any of the comments following northern lass writings) are pretty vicious. There are parts I enjoyed and other parts I wasn’t so sure of.

To avoid time-wasters, I recommend sending over this quick questionnaire ahead of a meet: 1. Do you think the 1950s could be described as a golden era for gender relations? 2. Does the idea of a woman earning more money than you bring you out in hives? 3. Mine’s a pint – that OK? Ah, if only it were so simple

Certainly reminds me of the time I went out with a woman in Manchester. I paid for the first round, and she had a pint of beer and myself a cocktail (cosmopolitan). She was ok with it but the guys on the next table were confused. So confused they came up and asked if I had got the drinks around the wrong way!

I have to say Emma’s comments about who pays is a little confusing…

Let’s talk about paying the bill, holding the door open; the kind of old-school chivalry that makes knights of men and princesses of women. Princesses who need rescuing, usually. Now, because it’s not always practical to “rescue them right back”, like in Pretty Woman, this is a potentially perilous area. Is it disempowering to let someone pay the bill if they’re richer and just happen to be a man? Is this not just, you know, socialism? *ducks* All right, all right. Sometimes I do let people pay (hell, sometimes I offer to pay, if I’m feeling flush) but on other occasions I have nearly bankrupted myself for the sake of my pride. Nobody’s perfect.

The lovely women I date, are happy to split the bill and the debate which I tend to have with others (friends and family) just isn’t a issue with modern/feminist women. The decision about if the other person likes you, do not hinge on if he pays or not.

Dating women who identify as modern/feminist is a must for me. Its always been lovely dates and they tend to be the ones I end up being friends with afterwards. Although I have to say opposites sometimes do attract.  Maybe the friction is actually needed?