2019 has been quite challenging for me and I know many others!
Looking from the Quantified Self point of view
- My sleep deficit over the whole year has massively decreased to 36 mins, My average sleep this year has been 7 hours 20mins (down from 2018). Average deep sleep has been 4.03 hrs now only 48% of my sleep.
- According to Gmail I have had 54,325 conversations, have 33345 emails in my inbox and sent 7241 emails this year
- Have 111,540 photos and 3,971 photos albums in Google photos.
- Tasks wise I have 267 open tasks and completed 2,876 over the year
- Been on 52 trips including Manchester, Edinburgh, London, Bristol, Guernsey, Madrid, Amsterdam, Venice (first time in Italy), Berlin, Helsinki, Brussels, Ghent, Antwerp, Nottingham, The Hague, Bath, Newcastle this year.
- According to Trakt, my most played show is Supergirl and film was John wick 3, Most listened to podcast is the Daily Tech News Show.
- I spent 655 hours watching films (16.2 a month) and 300 hours watching TV series (37.5 a month)
- This year I started a gratitude diary which now has 7,303 words
Regardless of the data he’s the review of my new years resolutions from 2019.
- Head further a field with the scooter
Again I missed this one and its very unlikely this will happen before the UK leaves Europe. Theres still an idea of visiting my friend in Rotterdam then drive around and maybe into Belgium & Germany. But this may change massively if I move to Amsterdam?
- Ride a roller coaster in yet another country
This also didn’t happen this year, although I did go to Madrid again and ride lots of coasters in the scorching 41c sun. Also I decided to give the rollercoaster park in Helsinki a miss this year. Next year I’ll be in looking out for coasters in other countries including South Korea.
- Look after myself better
Didn’t do so badly but theres a lot of room for improvement. I do a lot of walking when away from home but Volleyball isn’t as intense as it use to be due to not being in the team now.
- Spend more time in the UK
This happened I think and my partner agrees.
- Enter the bake off at work
This is a yes, I baked some banana bread with chilli chocolate inside and it was very nice except when I took it to work things didn’t quite turn out as expected. But I did get six peoples vote and there’s photos of the caroline reaper chocolate volcano cake here.
- Explore more about the brain using neuroscience
This needs some work, as I didn’t go to any events this year at all from memory.
- Do more with my Estonian e-residency
I did extended my e-residency another 2 years and I do use it as ID when entering some physical businesses. Its not quite what I was thinking about but it slightly counts. I did also look into using it as another form authentication for some services and finally setup a email address for it.
- Explore the future of decentralised and distributed systems
I spent a weekend at IndieWebCampBerlin and the following days at Republica19. It was quite an amazing and my follow up to R&D with a lunch time lecture with this presentation.
- Make some changes to the flat
I finally started by finally removing the filing cabinet to the local dump, getting a large Billy bookcase in my partners new car (with the roof down in the Manchester rain). I bought a sitting and standing desk which is smaller but yet to put it up due to having the existing one still in place. I didn’t realise my Jerker desk is over 20 years old! I’ll be offering it on ebay in the new year if anyone is keen to have it?
- Host film nights and more dinner parties at mine
This needs to happen in 2020, I had a couple of evening with my new projector, but nowhere what I was hoping for. My partner and friend had not seen Inception so we had fun with that one evening. Another friend suggested she had never seen Kill Bill, so that could be a back to back session with the projector and surround sound system.
When it comes to the dinner parties front, theres been a bit. Likely the best was the chocolate tasting party which was great.
- Work on the dating book
Since Hannah offered her copy editing skills to help make it a real book, I have done what I can. She suggested ghost writing the book and we have agreed thats a way forward. When I last spoke about the book, I saw 11+ chapters of my previously badly written nonsense, rewritten and re-imagined. Its going to be amazing!
- Be a stronger advocate for Team Human
This is summing up so much of 2019 for me. Not only in daily life but in work. Its appeared in presentations, in talks I’ve given and the way I go about things. Ok its not really about team human but new forms of value or rather. Its one of the reasons why I’m considering a secondment.
So over a year ago I had a chat with @cubicgarden and that chat grew to include more ppl and now this! Beyond excited abt stories & tech and brilliance from @flatness & @mladenrakonjac – free tickets here if you can get to @FACT_Liverpool next month! https://t.co/PfKgk2GJyZ
— Caroline Meaby (@carolinemeaby) April 7, 2018
I did about 6 pacemaker mixes while away on holiday but I would say only 3 maybe 4 are worth publishing. So look out for them on Mixcloud.com.
Leaving Madrid, recorded on the plane back to Manchester
- First attempt – Tomcraft
- Energy Flash (Graffiti on mars remix) – Joey Beltram
- Flight 643 (oliver klein remix) – Ferry Corsten
- Fractal – Bednar
- I feel wonderful (cosmic gate’s from AM to PM mix) – Cosmic gate feat Jan Johnston
- She wants him (Blake Jarrells panty dropper mix) – Moussa Clark & Terrafunka
- Opium – Jerome Isma-Ae & Alastor
- Suru (martin roth electrance remix) – super8 & tab
- Anomaly (Eeemus’s Higgs Boson remix) – Gordey Tsukanov
The heights of Lisbon, recorded during on the evening nights in Lisbon.
- Open up – Leftfield
- Loneliness (club mix) – Tomcraft
- Whites of her eyes – Simon Patterson
- Delores – Indecient noise
- From Russia with love (matt darey mix) – Matt Darey pres DSP
- Jump the next train (Vadim Zhukov dub) – Young Parisians feat Ben Lost
- Labyrinth (Paul Keyan remix) – Lee Cassells
- Strange world (M.I.K.E’s rework 2006) – Push
- Souvenir De Chine – Fire & Ice
- Take me away (into the night) (purple haze remix) – 4 Strings
- Sweet little girl (Voolgarizm remix) – Mario Piu
- Tenshi – Gouryella
- Uncommon world – Bryan Kearney
- We are one (instrumental mix) – Dave 202
- Why does my heart feel so bad (Ferry Corsten remix) – Moby
- Anahara (extended mix) – Ferry Corsten pres Gouryella
- Sunset (bird of prey) – Fatboy Slim
- Rheinkraft (extended mix) – Oliver KleinDj Cul
- ture (Joey Beltram mix) – Kevin SaundersR
- evolving doors (club mix) – Ronski Speed
- Wrist block (Joey Beltram remix) – Side Four
- Running up the hill (Jerome isma-ae bootleg mix) – Placebo
- Flat Beat – Mr Ozio
- Shnorkel – Miki Litvak & Ido Ophir
- Valhalla (tonerush remix) – OneBeat
- Higher state of consciousness (dirty south remix) – Josh Wink
- Aumento – Joey Beltram
- EDM Death Machine – Knife Party
- A9 – Ariel
- Brainwashed (Club mix) – Tomcraft
- Gouryella (extended mix) – Gouryella
- Anahera (extended mix) – Ferry Corsten pres Gouryella
I finally took up the Gratitude habit and started publishing them here. Standardnotes has quite nice system to publish notes but also keep parts secret if you choose to. Its like I imagined for mydreamscape ages ago.
I hadn’t really considered that I might be living my life in a conscious way. But the more I look into it, the more I see the difference between my life previous to my brush with death.
So what is a conscious life? A life which is deliberate and thought-out, by listening to yourself and making conscious choices.
There’s no absolute, but rather a number of common elements which point in a certain direction. After some research and thought here’s a small incomplete list.
- Do what makes you happy
- Feel comfortable with saying no
- Accept yourself and stop comparing yourself to others
- Ignore the messages of the mainstream
- Live in the moment
- Be choosy
- Focus on what you have
- Practice a life with gratitude
- Don’t let your ego lead
- Spend your time and resources wisely
- Let go of negativity and judgement
Its easy to see how all of these can seem either obvious, patronising or some hippy spiritual nonsense? I get it, maybe 10 years ago I would be thinking a similar thing. Maybe its just one of those things which you are ready for or not?
So how does this manifest in my life?
Do what makes you happy
I pretty much do what makes me happy and ignore much else. Its not out of ignorance but rather feelings of overload. I guess this is why I can sleep well at night? Don’t get me wrong, there are feelings/tensions about this being selfish but I tend to balance it out in my head by helping people when possible.
Help takes many forms but trying to encourage more people to be a little more conscious is something I quite like. Although I guess in retrospect, it can seem like I’m pushing my ideology on to others? Of course its about balance and also if the person is receptive to the advice.
Going back to doing what makes me happy. My trip to Japan was a great example. I got much advice about where I should go and visit from a great number of people & places. Although I took them on-board, I spent most of my time in Tokyo wondering the streets of different prefectures of the city. I visited every single roller coaster park except the Disney ones. I did what made me happy and still ended up trying new things. So this isn’t about the filter bubble. Its not uncommon for me to end up in the middle of a new city and just go exploring, alone or with others. Usually on a quest for the best cocktail establishment in that city.
This also applies to what I see and experience. This does unfortunately means making some tough decisions about places, things, friendships, etc… Doing what makes me happy also means I tend to go and do things which others wouldn’t do alone. Its not unknown for me to go to the cinema, city, dinner, holiday alone. I’m quite comfortable with my self and don’t need others to reaffirm my happiness.
Feel comfortable with saying no
Following on from the previous one, saying no and personal happiness are connected. Saying no means theres less guilt and less mental pain. Saying no does mean being honest and rejecting people, but in the long run, its a much better place to be. Its great being strong willed too, great for the character. This has also stopped me from ending up in places/doing things I honestly wasn’t happy about.
Accept yourself and stop comparing yourself to others
This is something I learned very early on, maybe back when I was in primary school to be honest. I was taken out of class to go up to a special room, where a teacher/specialist would give me tests for dyslexia. That combined with being one of about 3 black kids in the school, all this made me less focused on comparing myself. I also wasn’t the most photogenic person in school, but it didn’t matter so much to me. This followed through into later life and
I’d argue this also fits well with not letting your ego rule, because what others do with their lives doesn’t concern me much. Its only when it affects others or myself I start to wonder.
Every once in a while people near me, have said they are jealous of one thing or another. I always say,
“don’t be jealous, focus on how your going to get better”
I try and get people to rethink the situation by turning that early stage envy around. Be happy for the other person and use them as a pointer. This does require some re-framing but is important and directly fits with the notion of being conscious not just reactionary.
Live in the moment
I alluded to dyslexia and links to living in the moment, but honestly my personally has expanded quite a bit to seek out more opportunities, now I notice them more. Its one of the big noticeable differences after my brush with death. Lisa Upton talked about it too, so did Derren brown’s in the secret of luck and of course there was what happened at TedxManchester3 with Carrie Green.
From the chapter – The little voice in your head
A guy called Ian Forrester climbed up to the stage, I handed him £20, the audience applauded and he went and sat down. A few weeks later we met up over a cup of tea and he told me how a brush with death a few years earlier made him make the decision that he was never going to let anything stand in his way. He said, “People are paralyzed by their fear of what might happen, and so they won’t reach out and grab what’s in front them. And that’s pretty much what I did.”
I also remember a while ago hearing about smutslam and decided to give it a try. During the course of the evening, I decided to give it a shot. I ended up winning 2nd place. Totally living in the moment, just going with the flow.
Practice a life with gratitude
There are many gratitude apps and platforms, I’m just trying to pick one which contains all the things I respect like being opensource, decentralised, multiplatform, etc. Currently I’m drawn somewhere between using Mastodon and trying Micropub.
What ever I decide, I’ve started writing weekly in Standard Notes, which also has a nice little micro blogging system called listed.
Let go of negativity and judgement
This is a big one. It was a workshop talk from Bobby from the happiest which unfortunately closed not long afterwards. (still like to see a distributed take on happiest); which got me thinking about negativity and how much we hold on to it (or it holds on to us?). He said something like 65 million thoughts we have everyday, 85% are negative. Although maybe not right, it got me thinking quite a lot about the possibility of changing our thought process. Could we learn to accept and let go? Why do we hold on to negative feelings so tightly?
Although still fearful, I do feel much lighter because I was able to let go.