friendship – Cubicgarden.com…

My new years resolutions for 2025

Following my review of last year… here’s my New Years Resolutions for 2025 which follows on from 2024, 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008 ones.

Find a new position of employment
The word is out, I’m leaving BBC R&D after almost 21 years. I’ll be taking a few holidays and breaks but ultimately will be looking at new positions of employment. I may do something else like consulting, academia or develop one of the many side projects further.
Finish my dating book
Another throw back to 2024, The dating book is so close, self publishing is the way forward, rechecked with Grammerly again (avoiding the AI stuff, which I tested and it turned the chapters into something very middle of the road and not my voice) and I’m aware the first edition will be bad. But I’m very close but struggling with a book name, subtitle, cover, etc. I also made a stake to publicly release before Hannah finishes her PhD. The race is on!
Head even further a field with the scooter
Now I will have lots of leave and holidays, I’m thinking this is a good time to finally get this one crossed off. I could easily drive over to Hull or even Newcastle and get the ferry to Rotterdam or even Ijmuiden (Amsterdam). Maybe a week would be perfect and I could finally use those side saddles I bought.
Learn to drive a car
So with more time, I could actually start booking driving lessons and book a test. I’ve been told in the past, I likely won’t need many lessons as my road sense is high driving a motorbike for 27 years. I did pass the car theory once before and was flawless in the hazard perception test. Plus I now know my full bike licence gives me a car provisional.
Listen to 25 Audiobooks in the year
As mentioned in the review from 2024, this was quite easy which surprised me. There were some great books and I do like how it expands my mind. I’m going to expand it to 25 as there were a few shorter books last year.
Go to a new country
This is always a good one and honestly there are some key countries which I have passed through many times in the airport but never left. I’m looking at you Switzerland, Czechia and Austria. Although I am also thinking South Korea after needing to cancel in the pandemic and part of me is still regretting not heading to Hong Kong and feels like Taiwan should be higher on my list before its too late?
Go to a new Rollercoaster park
A regular resolution but a good one and if I head to another country, its certainly high on the list that I will find a way to check out what options for a day of pure rollercoasters.
See more of my friends further a field
My friends are diverse, interesting and great to be around; especially right now. During the Covid pandemic, I would call them up on the off chance and have some incredible conversations. It was amazing and some went on for 4 hours. So in 2025, I’m going to catch up with more of my friends I haven’t seen in years. Be it on the phone, online, in person, what ever works.
Personal knowledge management and task rethink
I’m a little annoyed with the way I’m managing my notes, tasks and projects. I liked using Trello but don’t like the closed nature of it, I like Obsidian but it is closed source also puts me off. I’m also using Todolist for tasks which is insane but I had to move from todo.txt which was just too basic for my uses.
I like what I’m seeing with Anytype & Tagspaces but also seen some interesting uses of markdown with Logseq? This whole personal knowledge management or as I use to call it personal semantic stores.
So now is a good time to relook at everything especially since I finally got Nextcloud working on my NAS (finally!).
Be more active about my personal health
Especially over the last few months, I have been pushing my health too much. On top of this, I am getting older and need to be better about things like sleep and exercise. More Volleyball, more consistency and more investigating those problems I keep ignoring.
Create a new social event
It’s been a while since geekdinner, barcamp, hackday, geeks talk sexy, 2nd degree dinner, Manchester futurists and much more. I’ve been hovering on creating a new type of social event post pandemic and come across a few good examples recently. 2025 is a good time to do something different and unique I feel, especially as it would be good to get back into the swing of things.
Do my bit for others in the community
One thing I certainly will miss after I leave the BBC is mentoring. I mentored quite a few people and even been involved in reverse mentoring (where I was mentoring someone further up the hierarchy about diversity and inclusion). I was part of Million mentors but struggled with work commitments, so now seems like a good time to do similar or potentially look at other things I could do, like helping people to manage technology?

A review of my 2024 resolutions

Two people looking into the camera for a selfie while on a cable car in London

This year has been full of ups and downs, its a year I’m not going to forget.

2024 is when I got Covid again for the 2nd time. Once again it was in another country (this time the Netherlands) while at MozHouse Amsterdam. Where I spent a lot of time this year due to 4 conferences (PublicSpaces, Mozhouse AMS, Dutch media week and Society 5.0).

Talking about travel, I ended up in Bristol, Audenshaw, Weston Super Mare, Lancaster, Cardiff, Amsterdam, Hiversum, Henden Bridge, Liverpool, Birmingham, Bath, Buxton, Harderwjik, Berlin, Newcastle, Gateshead, Oslo, Sheffield, Barcelona, Sitges, Hoofddorp, Zwolle, York, Huddlesfield, Newport and London; this year.

I’m happy to say I took the train a lot including the Eurostar into Europe a few times. However my train rides around the UK resulted in many delays and cancellationshttps://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2024/dec/21/just-2-of-busiest-trains-on-key-london-to-manchester-line-run-on-time. I have worked out its resulted in me applying for delay reclaim over 50% of the time! For example here is my diversion from Bristol to Manchester via London due to the storm darragh.

My sleep has taken a bit of dive later in the year which makes sense as you will see. From average of 7.4 hours to 6.8 hours. Bedtime of about 1 am is working out; but my deep sleep goes into freefall when I need to get up early.

Most listened to podcast is Daily Tech News show (they keep change the artist tag) with Better offline and Podnews just behind that. Music wise, Tonepoet has the advantage, as my pacemaker doesn’t track me and I tend not to listen to single tracks on the go. Trakt indicates so far, I have watched 259 hours of TV shows and 318 hours of films.

Here is the review of my 2024 resolutions.

Digital nomad things
Make or break year I wrote previously, well nothing moved on this front for me. I also been reading how digital nomads are causing a back lash.
Finish my dating book
Well I’m closer, really close. I attempt to use the gig platform fiver to get some external proof readers and it made was shocking how the scammers operate there. I’m still getting contacted by them right now, luckily its contained within the platform chat, which I have ignored.
I still have many thoughts about the title, want to change the epilogue a bit to related to something I’m involved in.
Head even further a field with the scooter
Not happened but this is likely to happen next for sure, when I have more time. Will add to next years list.
Learn to drive a car
Another one which looks like will happen next year when I have a lot more time for reasons which will be clear soon. Another hold out for the the next years list.
Listen to two Audiobooks every month
This has been a good challenge and I have blown through 24 books with 28, although 2 of the books were quite short but still well worth listening to. I did also start a number of books but gave up on them as they were annoying or just not interesting in anyway. Its likely I will keep the goal at 24 for next year too although I might have more time.
Go to a new country
This year I finally made it to Norway for the first time. Its a country I should have visited ages ago to complete my Scandinavian travels but never did. I went to Oslo and really enjoyed the short time I had there. I do have ideas for potential short trips to Switzerland and maybe the Czech republic, although Rural France is booked for a wedding.
Go to a new Rollercoaster park
I ended up going to Wallai again but I’m considering going to a lot more in the 2025. I certainly can do better, especially with Thorpe parks new ride Hyperia on my doorstep as such.
Take the Diabolo skills up another level
I still can’t do the infinite suicide but learned a bunch of new tricks and even ones of my own, although getting out of them can be tricky and a matter of luck.
Move over to privacy preserving protocols and platform
This is happening more and more. Like many people I have pretty much ditched X/Twitter (although I do seem to get a few direct messages from the API which is strange). I lean on the Fediverse for all my social stuff and am generally very picky about new applications and services I use. For example I have been looking at knowledge management systems as I’ve been using Joplin too much like a notes store and could do with something new for project based stuff (feel free to shout at me, but I blame importing a bunch of Evernote & Standard notes stuff). I am always searching alternative.to for open and self hosting options. There is a big question of when I switch over my email to Proton, but thats still in the future right now.
Separate out my food waste
This is one I am happy to say I have done pretty much 85% of the time. Some tricky times is when I have a Airbnb guest and also when emptying the food waste bin into the main bin, which is generally quite empty now. This one is good and its just part of the routine now.
Start to mark out significant moments in my history
This one has started but I spent a lot of time working out how to best do it. I found a markdown schema/format called MarkWhen, which does exactly what I need. So far I have converted most of my significant moments but add more as I go. Plus I’m going backwards and finding dates for many more. Another good thing to have done and will keep on doing.
Its also another indicator that although I love XML, I am do get Markdown is pretty human writable, which is important for those little tasks. Also I need to play with SaxonJS which can convert between Markdown and XML with ease.

UWE Masters VR unofficial end party in Bristol after 4 years in the advisory role
See more of my friends
This has been ok, but I feel like I can do so much better than I have done so far. I might modify this one a bit in the next year to something less ambiguous

Public Service Internet monthly newsletter (Oct 2024)

Your friends will be there for you, your work won't

We live in incredible times with such possibilities that is clear. Although its easily dismissed while seeing Mozilla closing their Mastodon instance, the internet archive no longer allowed to lend ebooks and the endless saga of 23 and me.

To quote Buckminster Fuller “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.“

You are seeing aspects of this with coffee pod recycling for real, The possible return of concentrated solar power plants and the formulation of the social web foundation.

Real stories about Facewatch in the UK

Ian thinks: Although put together by big brotherwatch, this video shows the people caught up in the facewatch surveillance in the UK. Its hard to watch but a good reminder of the on going problems.

What does Fish have to do with online privacy?

Ian thinks: Based around the paper written by Barath Raghavan and Bruce Schneier. NBTV, puts the paper into focus through many clear examples and comparisons. Its clear privacy has been misjudged and we are all paying for this.

Cory shouts Disenshittify or die at Defcon24, and in text.

Ian thinks: Cory’s follow up to last years talk, is another great reminder of the horrible state of the market, internet and society. You can’t help but raise a fist to some of points about Spotify, Google, Meta, etc. But the re-examination of the words; if you are not paying for the product you are the product. Is a very important call.

Will you host your data on Lidl’s cloud service?

Ian thinks: Although it sounds ridiculous on first glance, This is an example of the big difference between the EU data space and the Silicon Valley space. There is no way Lidl would even consider this an option outside the EU, but the EU laws makes a somewhat trusted brand viable for this type of pivot.

The importance of friendship, loneliness and vulnerability

Ian thinks: This conversation between Simon Sinek & Trevor Noah strikes a chord with some of the large societal problems. This has so much from questions about friendship to the importance of cultivating them into something strong and lifelong. Just at a time when loneliness is rising, I felt this a important one to share.

Tokyo creates its own dating app, against the likes of Match

Ian thinks: Match group currently has 50% of the market, but the Japanese government is about to launch their own as the population decline is that serious. Its worth noting Japan has tried many things including paying bars/clubs to put on single nights for the last 10 years, making this decision not something made lightly.

Detecting AI generated like a pro?

Ian thinks: We are all facing a barrage of AI generated images and videos, it is easy to be distracted or be tricked and there is no shame to this. With some of these tips, it will help weed out 90% of the typical AI slop.

Digital legacy a change is due

Ian thinks: Digital legacy is something we rarely think about but really should. There is a number of interesting developments from research into digital legacy to UK justice beta testing digital LPAs. This podcast gives a real sense of the importance of this all.

Grief and digital grief

Ian thinks: Following the previous link, this video from the Guardian, explores both sides of the divide around using AI technology for people who die. Its striking as these homegrown solutions are being commercialised and rolled out with little to no care for the people on both sides

Find the original here and the archive here

My new years resolutions for 2024

Following my review of last year… here’s my New Years Resolutions for 2024 which follows on from 2023, 2022, 2021, 2020, 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011, 2010, 2009, 2008 ones.

Digital nomad things
This is the make or break year I think. I need to move things forward as time is going by quickly and i’m not getting younger. My next step is a meeting with the Portuguese embassy to clarify the tax side of things. An official note could make all the difference.
Finish my dating book
Its been way too long and its so close now, as mentioned in the review of last year.I have all the illustrations now except the front cover (but have plans). I also formatted the latest version into the 8×5 inch book format using templates, added the illustrations and shared it with a selected few. I await there comments over the festive season, then another check and final look at by Hannah.So I’m expecting some changes but its well on its way now. This year I’m looking into self publishing alternatives to Amazon KDP. But I don’t see any problem with a printed and ebook version by the end of the 2024.
Head even further a field with the scooter
I still need to get the scooter out to mainland Europe, ideally 2024 is a good time before things change with visas, etc.
Learn to drive a car
There are times when a car would be helpful and now with the drive towards electric cars and automatic drive. Its just a matter of doing the theory test again and then booking lessons.
Listen to two Audiobooks every month
I have been listening to one a month, but its time to push for two a month. Its quite a push but I think its worthy of the push I think.
Go to a new country
Its been long and there is a lot of Europe I haven’t visited, plus I have friends in those places I could easily visit. Although there is a temptation to visit some of the places again with my partner, new places do bring a new experiences.
Go to a new Rollercoaster park
A regular resolution but a good one and if I head to another country, its certainly high on the list.
Take the Diabolo skills up another level
I’m doing some exciting things with the diabolo but I really need to see some of the tricks done in person. YouTube is good but to really get a grip of the advanced tricks I need to meet other people doing the diabo lo.
Next year its time to meet more of them and learn those tricks like the infinite suicide!
Move over to privacy preserving protocols and platform
I am more and more annoyed at the business models of the majority of services out there. Cory frames it perfectly as enshittification and it’s frankly not on. Although this raises a bunch of questions about data portability (something I was deeply involved in, a long time ago regardless of what Wikipedia says) I need to just move! The alternatives are not only good enough in some places (tasks) but far better (like the fediverse). I will keep the old services but by the end of the year move over.
I’m also going to lean more on my blog more to bring things back into one place, for example why isn’t my bookwrym account not attached to my blog? Its also a good way to do collections, rather than this type of thing.
Separate out my food waste
In most of the UK, food waste is separated from the rest. Just like how we recycle paper/card and some plastics. However as I live in a set of flats, Manchester Council tried to make us separate our food waste too. This was great because my main bin stopped smelling and I had to empty it a lot less. However the community bin for food recycling in the flat basement was full of different things because people kept emptying in plastic and other things into it. In the end Manchester council stopped food waste collection and we stopped food recycling (sadly).
So my thought is to keep on doing it but empty the food waste inside decomposable plastic bags into the main community bins. Its not ideal but I think separating the waste is generally a good thing. Its a good habit and who knows maybe I’ll find a food waste bin to empty them into later.
Start to mark out significant moments in my history
One of the things I have done when mentoring as an exercise, is pull out key part of my/their life to help pick out key things which helped and hindered.
It a great little way to help understand your life and paths going forward. But I always found different ways to illustrate them using categories/layers to hide personal, work, etc.
Then recently I discovered Your life in weeks, which got looking around and finding a bunch of apps/webapps using the concept. This got me thinking about codifying key moments in life in a more neutral format. Ideally this would be XML but alas markdown will work better than CSV?
See more of my friends
My friends are diverse, interesting and are great to be around. During the Covid pandemic, I would call them up on the off chance and have some incredible conversations. It was amazing and some went on for 4 hours.
I’m going to next year catch up with more of my friends I haven’t seen in years. Be it on the phone, online, in person, what ever works.

If I only knew it was called Parallel play

Parallel play in a coffee shop — Photo by **Ketut Subiyanto** from **Pexels**

For the longest time, I have felt slightly guilty when sitting with someone I know but kinda ignoring them while I do something else.

Its something I have apologized a lot for in the past. However it wasn’t till Hannah shared a NYTimes piece which pointed to a social state we currently only apply to children. That social state is called parallel play, and it comes with a massive amount of benefits for both adults.

For adults, what makes parallel play different than two people ignoring each other in the same room is a secure foundation underpinning their relationship, explained Dr. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and co-author of “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find — And Keep — Love.” “Parallel play is one of the hallmarks of secure relationships, but it has to be done right,” Dr. Levine said. “It’s all about availability. If you know that the other person is available and that, if you need them, they will pay attention to you, then you feel secure.”

Not sure why I felt so guilty about it before, maybe I could track it down to previous relationships (which might not have been as secure). It all made sense in my head but I started confirming everything was ok then feeling guilty?

However I certainly down for much more parallel play and the guilt is gone now.

Platonic friendship is totally possible

I was lying in bed reading my eink tablet while listening to a podcast. One of my saved blogs to read was from doctor nerdlove – Why men & women can never be just friends is bullshit.

Why "Men And Women Can Never Be 'Just Friends' " is Bullshit
I agree such sick nonsense but so many believe 😞 https://t.co/0T9RpBZZxd

— Ian Forrester (@cubicgarden) April 17, 2017

I swear I was pretty pissed off (like Dr Nerdlove) reading about how the state of platonic friendship was a lie and how men will always want it to be more. Heck Hans Fiene who wrote the original piece Dr Nerdlove was reply to; goes on to justify everything as not only being biological but bad for society. Seriously WTF!

Let’s review the logic on display here. Male relationships are inherently transactional. Men barter time for friendship with other men. Men cannot be friends with women because they need to fuck her. Therefore, by not dating or fucking them, women are cheating men by not giving them the goods that men have been paying for.

…

In Fiene’s world, a woman not putting out for her male friends is bad enough. But there’s a worse crime being committed: because he’s stuck in this quagmire, he’s not fucking other people. And to be sure: that’s not his fault. He’s just too stupid to overrule his boner.

No. For real. That’s Fiene’s argument.

Repeat the “We’re just friends” mantra a thousand times. It won’t rewire the circuits of the male mind. All it will accomplish is deluding you into thinking he’s content to stay in the Friend Zone quicksand and deluding him into thinking he can break out of it by sinking even deeper.

…

But let’s get back to the premise. Men are trapped in the Friend Zone because being told that they’re just friends isn’t enough to make them realize that she will never sleep with him. Being friends is the trap that women, bless their hearts, can’t help but ensnare men into because Lord love ’em those boners are just SO POWERFUL. It’s only because women don’t frame the rejection in just the right way – as is incumbent on them – to free men from their snares.

Of course its not just Hans crazy ideological view, I see it everywhere. Even my friends talk about the friendzone like I’ve been put in it like a naughty child. Most of the time its for the best of both people and friends is not lower on some imaginationary ladder. Its also not to help me ascend the status hierarchy!

My biggest problem is people treat love as binary. You are either in love or not/you are in or out. If you have been paying attention you will know love is much richer than this, it also doesn’t count for evolution, society and cultural changes.

Ruth Libby quote from Hackers film 1995 — God gave men brains larger than dogs so they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties – Ruth Libby ~ hackers 1995

As a male feminist who isn’t a slave to his dick and can engage his brain, I find the whole discussion hateful of women and wholly offensive to both sexes. Men and Women can be good friends full stop, if one chooses to take it one step further or backwards, thats just relationships (sometimes unequal).

Typifying people (male & female) is just bollox and it needs to end here!