I found this video and was pretty impressed with the conversation between Simon and Noah. There is a lot to unpack in the video but there was a question in the discussion which myself and my partner talked a lot about afterwards.
Especially the question…
Should we all say I love you to friends?
Its a really good point but I’ve been thinking about it ever since. With this in mind, I’m thinking about possibly saying it and potentially linking to the conversation some how (pretty hard to do in person of course).
My partner, as a female says it quite a lot to friends but as male, it still feels very loaded. Also she did say, she would feel a bit strange if I started saying I love you to my female friends too.
Since my brush with death, I have been hugging friends which is a lot more than I use to do while saying hi and bye to friends. Maybe I’ll give it a try and see what happens…
To quote Buckminster Fuller “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.“
Ian thinks: You might remember the ANOM take over? At the time I thought it was pretty clever but in this episode centred around Joseph Cox’s book Dark wire. I missed the bigger impact of surveillance and the chilling effect it had on encrypted messaging services/platforms.
Ian thinks: I enjoyed this look at AI through the eyes of the different people in this episode. Critical in some parts and imaginative in others, its a good listen and gave me a base for many other thoughts.
Ian thinks: It was interesting to see Lawrence Lessig sound the alarm but also provide clear ideas of things which must change now. The talk is also from Germany which is deliberate as the advice is directly aimed at Europe, knowing it could trickle down into other countries like America.
Ian thinks: I didn’t get a chance to see this panel discussion live but I watched it streamed live while in Amsterdam for the Mozilla House festival. The experiences and descriptions really got me. Nearer the end I was energised while questioning where the accountability sits?
Ian thinks: Colleague Henry wrote a interesting analysis and guide to help with limiting the hallucinations found in the gen AI space. He’s not the only one looking, as this open access paper delves into this all too.
Ian thinks: With strong laws like GDPR, it doesn’t take much to see companies like Microsoft potentially caught red handed. The question I do have is if they are potentially doing it for school kids, imagine whats happening to their customers?
Ian thinks: Francesca Bria is great to watch again and incredible in person at the PublicSpaces conference. Centred around the idea of a 100 billion European digital sovereignty fund to ignite the innovation we all want to see. Its the kind of grand plan we all need and shes deadly serious.
Ian thinks: There has always been a industry interest in AI and love. The experts have varies of opinions and this insightful interview gives a good overview of the concerns and benefits of something which most won’t admit to or talk about.
Digital nomad things
This is the make or break year I think. I need to move things forward as time is going by quickly and i’m not getting younger. My next step is a meeting with the Portuguese embassy to clarify the tax side of things. An official note could make all the difference.
Finish my dating book
Its been way too long and its so close now, as mentioned in the review of last year.I have all the illustrations now except the front cover (but have plans). I also formatted the latest version into the 8×5 inch book format using templates, added the illustrations and shared it with a selected few. I await there comments over the festive season, then another check and final look at by Hannah.So I’m expecting some changes but its well on its way now. This year I’m looking into self publishing alternatives to Amazon KDP. But I don’t see any problem with a printed and ebook version by the end of the 2024.
Head even further a field with the scooter
I still need to get the scooter out to mainland Europe, ideally 2024 is a good time before things change with visas, etc.
Learn to drive a car
There are times when a car would be helpful and now with the drive towards electric cars and automatic drive. Its just a matter of doing the theory test again and then booking lessons.
Listen to two Audiobooks every month
I have been listening to one a month, but its time to push for two a month. Its quite a push but I think its worthy of the push I think.
Go to a new country
Its been long and there is a lot of Europe I haven’t visited, plus I have friends in those places I could easily visit. Although there is a temptation to visit some of the places again with my partner, new places do bring a new experiences.
Go to a new Rollercoaster park
A regular resolution but a good one and if I head to another country, its certainly high on the list.
Take the Diabolo skills up another level
I’m doing some exciting things with the diabolo but I really need to see some of the tricks done in person. YouTube is good but to really get a grip of the advanced tricks I need to meet other people doing the diabo lo.
Next year its time to meet more of them and learn those tricks like the infinite suicide!
Move over to privacy preserving protocols and platform
I am more and more annoyed at the business models of the majority of services out there. Cory frames it perfectly as enshittification and it’s frankly not on. Although this raises a bunch of questions about data portability (something I was deeply involved in, a long time ago regardless of what Wikipedia says) I need to just move! The alternatives are not only good enough in some places (tasks) but far better (like the fediverse). I will keep the old services but by the end of the year move over.
I’m also going to lean more on my blog more to bring things back into one place, for example why isn’t my bookwrym account not attached to my blog? Its also a good way to do collections, rather than this type of thing.
Separate out my food waste In most of the UK, food waste is separated from the rest. Just like how we recycle paper/card and some plastics. However as I live in a set of flats, Manchester Council tried to make us separate our food waste too. This was great because my main bin stopped smelling and I had to empty it a lot less. However the community bin for food recycling in the flat basement was full of different things because people kept emptying in plastic and other things into it. In the end Manchester council stopped food waste collection and we stopped food recycling (sadly).
So my thought is to keep on doing it but empty the food waste inside decomposable plastic bags into the main community bins. Its not ideal but I think separating the waste is generally a good thing. Its a good habit and who knows maybe I’ll find a food waste bin to empty them into later.
Start to mark out significant moments in my history One of the things I have done when mentoring as an exercise, is pull out key part of my/their life to help pick out key things which helped and hindered.
It a great little way to help understand your life and paths going forward. But I always found different ways to illustrate them using categories/layers to hide personal, work, etc.
Then recently I discovered Your life in weeks, which got looking around and finding a bunch of apps/webappsusing the concept. This got me thinking about codifying key moments in life in a more neutral format. Ideally this would be XML but alas markdown will work better than CSV?
See more of my friends
My friends are diverse, interesting and are great to be around. During the Covid pandemic, I would call them up on the off chance and have some incredible conversations. It was amazing and some went on for 4 hours.
I’m going to next year catch up with more of my friends I haven’t seen in years. Be it on the phone, online, in person, what ever works.
2023 has been a super busy year. This is the year when the United Kingdom and the freedoms we held tightly fell a part. Like last year the strikes haven’t stopped and the cost of living crisis isn’t going anywhere.
From a Quantified Self data point of view 2023 looked like this (worth noting its harder to get the data from some of the services)
My average sleep duration has dropped from 7hours 30mins to 6hours 20mins. Deep sleep stayed at 2.40hrs.
Been to a few places in 2023 but no new countries. Although I have to say 15 days in the Netherlands was incredible and glad I could do that (even with Easyjet troubles and Rotterdam rail problems). This year I went to; Manchester, Lisbon, Newport, London, Bristol, Bath, Weston, Newcastle, Gateshead, Huddlesfield, Utrecht, Amsterdam, Zwolle, York, Ledbury, Birmingham, Lancaster, Durham, Barcelona, Stoke on Trent and Alton.
According to Trakt (which had a database problem recently), my most played show is Traitors (which sounds about right when you add UK, AUS, NZ, USA and Canada) Film wise for highest rating it was Oppenheimer and Spiderman: across the spider-verse..
Most listened to podcast is Daily Tech News Show with podnews just behind that.
I watched 154 movie and 297 hours of TV, mainly while doing other things.
Combining a number of the previous digital nomad things
I really need to understand the tax side of a digital nomad from the business point of view as an employee of a large company not a freelancer. With this knowledge I can build the solid business case for being a digital nomad for a year.
This has moved forward a little bit. There is a interest at work and I have a plan to visit the Portuguese embassy in Manchester when I can finally get an appointment (they open the appointments every 3 weeks and seem to go very quickly). It will cost a bit of money but it will be worth it if I can get the answer to the tax question from an official.
Finish my dating book
The book is being worked on and some are suggest I’m a lot closer than I think . The book has structure, being edited, I have illustrations and even decided to use mid-journey for the cover. After reaching out to many agents and publishers with not much success I decided self-publishing is the way to go. I’m setting myself 2023 as the year to finally do this.
This is moving forwarded, I have all the illustrations now except the front cover (but have plans). I also formatted the latest version into the 8×5 inch book format using templates, added the illustrations and shared it with a selected few. I await there comments over the festive season, then another check and final look at by Hannah.
There is still work to be done but its getting closer to self publishing status and I expect 2024 will be the year it goes to epub/print.
I’m planning to go the Amazon self publish route but I’m keen to know about better routes, as I’m not keen on Amazon’s licence agreement.
Head even further a field with the scooter
2022 I didn’t go as far as 2021 but, I am up for driving on the scooter either up through Scotland or finally Netherlands and Belgium. 2023 has to be the year.
This is another year with less scooter driving. Although its worth noting I spent a lot of time flying which wasn’t the plan post pandemic. I did look at the train multiple times but the price between Manchester and London is always a killer on price and time. (Don’t get me started about HS2)
Hopefully next year I’ll finally drive to the Netherlands instead of flying or getting the train.
Learn to drive a car
Its also time, I’m not ever going to buy a car but being able to rent one for trips to IKEA and for longer journeys when the weather isn’t great makes sense. Its super clear the weather is going to get more extreme and being able to rent a car is more sensible. The other side of this is I can actually drive a car and passed my theory test with flying colours a long time ago (of course I need to do it again)..
Not even started this but its something I keep thinking about, as hiring a car for certain journeys would be handy. Especially with my partner Although I did buy some panniers for my scooter, to carry even more stuff when on longer journeys (like potentially Europe)
Listen to a Audiobook at least once a month.
This worked out so well last year and to be fair I want to keep it going. Especially if I start using the gym too, although I’m thinking music is better for repetitive exercises. I also think I should write a some short reviews for them as some are excellent.
This has been excellent with 17 audiobooks completed and started another 4. No idea why its registered the tyranny of metrics twice but you can see some great books in the list.
I am listening to most of the books while in the spa using waterproof headphones. I also started listening while on longer journeys like train rides to London, Bristol, etc.
Go to a new country
I missed this over the last few years and really like to get back into the flow of this. South Korea is certainly of interest along with a few of the European countries I have missed like Norway and the Czech republic.
Another year missed but I’m thinking about some of the European countries for a short retreat.
I started undoing the bad habits but its time for the endless suicide and some vertex genocides. Really need to find some groups again, as learn so much quicker when I can see it in front of me.
This hasn’t quite happened but I’m finding new groups including one which I went to after mybrushwithdeath.
I simply haven’t had the time but its something I keep thinking about. I noticed there being more interest in meeting up with people physically since the pandemic. However found peoples time is much more stricter and so it needs to be much tighter in its impact. I also noticed the idea of bi-monthly becoming a long stronger than previously.
Do more self-hosting
The selfhost train has really been moving over the last few years and I’m finding managing it a lot less stressful than it use to be. Yunohost has been a real joy and auto-update is great. Ideally a multiple domains would be really useful but cubicgarden.info is my playground.
This has happen although I am struggling with Docker containers on my QNAP nas and Yunohost is great but sometimes a bit strange.
If I can fully get my head around Docker containers using either container station or CasaOS, all will be good as I have struggled with Qnap’s cron. I did think about running Yunohost in a QNAP container but it seems overly complex for no reason.
Be more selective about the subscriptions
I am pretty good about this but I noticed there is quite a lot of legacy stuff which I should have removed a while back.
Well.. This was ahead of the complete move to the Fediverse, where I removed xtwitter from my life and cut down my podcast subscription too. One thing I noticed is I’m using the google feed quite a bit and consistently annoyed about it.So I installed FreshRSS to replace the ageing Tiny tinyRSS to finally get back into RSS again. The clients are much more fitting with the Android system. I also found much more up to date clients on Linux too.
Even better wellbeing
I’m not doing too bad but there is room of improvement, for example my sleep has taken a drop and I’m less active when not playing volleyball or summer. I need remind myself my spa also includes a gym which I should take advantage of more. Wellbeing also includes my digital wellbeing with not enough blogging and my gratitude diary has gone to pot. Next year I got to do something about this too.
This year has been ups and downs when it comes to wellbeing. Generally this is the year of many things including ultra processed food, multiple volleyball options, lots of early mornings, etc.
Generally its been ok but the dip in sleep has followed through into 2023. I did go the gym quite a bit but frankly it wasn’t for me. The spa is very relaxing and is a great place for audiobooks. Being active this year has been good especially during summer and now there is Volleyball options on Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat and in future Sundays. There is a headache with booking each one but at least there are options and its clearer now than ever.
I keep thinking about the gratitude diary and what I could do about it. My quick thought is just to write something personally, then keep wondering about Signals stories. However a small microblog seems better, as I do like to look at them over time. Maybe something for Fediverse ideas?
Combining a number of the previous digital nomad things I really need to understand the tax side of a digital nomad from the business point of view as an employee of a large company not a freelancer. With this knowledge I can build the solid business case for being a digital nomad for a year.
The problem currently is most of the digital nomad community are freelancers, where everything is clearer. If anyone can help with this I need to find them and part of that is really getting deep into the nomad communities..
Finish my dating book The book is being worked on and some are suggest I’m a lot closer than I think . The book has structure, being edited, I have illustrations and even decided to use mid-journey for the cover. After reaching out to many agents and publishers with not much success I decided self-publishing is the way to go. I’m setting myself 2023 as the year to finally do this.
Head even further a field with the scooter 2022 I didn’t go as far as 2021 but, I am up for driving on the scooter either up through Scotland or finally Netherlands and Belgium. 2023 has to be the year.
Learn to drive a car Its also time, I’m not ever going to buy a car but being able to rent one for trips to IKEA and for longer journeys when the weather isn’t great makes sense. Its super clear the weather is going to get more extreme and being able to rent a car is more sensible. The other side of this is I can actually drive a car and passed my theory test with flying colours a long time ago (of course I need to do it again)..
Listen to a Audiobook at least once a month.
This worked out so well last year and to be fair I want to keep it going. Especially if I start using the gym too, although I’m thinking music is better for repetitive exercises. I also think I should write a some short reviews for them as some are excellent.
Go to a new country
I missed this over the last few years and really like to get back into the flow of this. South Korea is certainly of interest along with a few of the European countries I have missed like Norway and the Czech republic.
Take the Diabolo skills up another level I started undoing the bad habits but its time for the endless suicide and some vertex genocides. Really need to find some groups again, as learn so much quicker when I can see it in front of me.
Start a new type of meetup Manchester Futurists stopped a while ago and of course London geekdinners ended for me since 2008. Recently I have been thinking about the public service internet a lot and how there is a real lack of support for public entities (dare I mention the strikes in the UK in the public services). So I’m thinking in typical form, find the others. Bring together people around different aspects of public service, looking towards the future.
On top of this, I realised there is so much scope here and theres some great public spaces which could host the meetups. I’d really like to do something which is easily hybrid too.
Do more self-hosting
The selfhost train has really been moving over the last few years and I’m finding managing it a lot less stressful than it use to be. Yunohost has been a real joy and auto-update is great. Ideally a multiple domains would be really useful but cubicgarden.info is my playground.
Be more selective about the subscriptions (podcasts, blogs, feeds, followers, etc).
I am pretty good about this but I noticed there is quite a lot of legacy stuff which I should have removed a while back.
Even better wellbeing
I’m not doing too bad but there is room of improvement, for example my sleep has taken a drop and I’m less active when not playing volleyball or summer. I need remind myself my spa also includes a gym which I should take advantage of more. Wellbeing also includes my digital wellbeing with not enough blogging and my gratitude diary has gone to pot. Next year I got to do something about this too.
There is the 12 for 2023. Covid19 is still going to have a effect on most of them but who knows.
2022 has been another interesting year. The notion of a United Kingdom has become a total joke to me after the 3rd prime-minister in a year. UK Politics right now is on a knife edge with so many strikes due to the government and the cost of living crisis effecting too many people.
From a Quantified Self data point of view 2022 looked like this.
My average sleep duration has dropped from 7hours 50mins to 7hours 30mins. Deep sleep dropped from 3.30hrs to 2.40hrs. Not great!
Tasks wise I switched from todolist.txt to todolist and have 148 open tasks and completed 1,919 over the year
Been to a few places in 2022 but no new countries. Manchester, Brussels, Lisbon, Cardiff, London, Bristol, Bath, Weston, Tetbury, Amsterdam, York, Ledbury, Birmingham, Lancaster, Durham, Bournemouth, and Paignton this year.
According to Trakt (which had a database problem recently), my most played show is Last week tonight with Jon Oliver. Film wise it was Everything everywhere all at once, which is also my most highest rated with 9/10. Black Panther 2 and the woman king were both 8/10. For the first time the most watched actors and actresses are Viola David and Idris Eiba (both black). Likewise the most watched director was Erin Lee Carr. Most listened to podcast is podnews.
I watched 151 movie and 288 hours of TV. I also read 647 articles via Wallabag.
Live in another country for a short while This hasn’t happened and looks to be on this list for quite some time. The biggest blocker is understanding the cost (if any) for the company I work for. From my understanding and what I have read, there is no additional costs as taxes & insurance are paid as usual in the country (in this case the UK) with additional taxes paid on goods and services in the other country (Portugal).
If anyone has any experience of a digital nomad as a full time member of staff in another country? Do get in touch!
Spend more time getting to know the tech community in Portugal
I did spend a week in Lisbon getting to know the city as a non-tourist, looking around coffee shops, co-working spaces, etc. I also gatecrashed a Web3/crypto party along side the block crypto house.
Finish my dating book I am some way off this but I have made some progress, hiring illustrators and possibility another editor. I also considered my paths and decided Amazon self publishing is the way. I really want to get this finished by next year.
The Honda Silverwing 600
Head even further a field with the scooter Not much happened this year but partly due to meeting wonderful woman who drives, meaning some of the journeys I had planned were done via car not scooter.
Send a email out to friends and family once or twice a year
Another thing which didn’t happen, its still something I think about.
Find an alternative to the pebble watch This did happen, as blogged about here and here. Although I am managing with the Amazefit GTR4, I certainly would like to see something closer to the pebble’s interface.
Perceptive radio in the Museum of science and industry for the BBC 100’s anniversary
Listen to a Audiobook every month.
This is one I completely blew through the 12 books for the year, with 17 finished, a few started and potentially one more will be finished before the end of the year. The Bluetooth mp3 player with waterproof headphones was a great investment for the spa and gym.
Host more film nights and dinner parties
From pretty much zero to 2 or 3 in a year isn’t bad but I can do much better.
Go to a new Rollercoaster park Never happened but thought about it a lot. Got a feeling next year Walibi, Efteling and Europa park are calling me.
Diabolo vertex spinning top
Take the Diabolo skills up a level My diabolo skills has gotten really good, I undid some of the bad habits but the later part of the year not really had the chance to practice as much. This showed when I entered a contest at work and dropped the diabolo way too many times.
Put some attention into dating and love
So while seeking more compatible women, I met Alison and we have been going out for 10 months now and is been a joy.
Seek out a better regular spa I looked and looked but decided having a pretty good spa within a short walk was big advantage compared to getting public transport or scooting to the spa each time. Plus now I’m mainly listening to audiobooks, I’m not listening to some of the awful conversations which happen around the spa.
Recently I met someone quite special. How did we meet? It wasn’t online or via a dating app.
I say this because although I’m very critical of dating apps, I keep finding personal experiences suggesting that they frankly suck.
We recently decided to look at our dating profiles to see what filters we applied.
One of the biggest differences was our accepted age ranges. I tended to go for women slightly older, and had my range from 38-46 but my partner is outside that age range. My partner who is much younger had a higher age range but not reaching 40+.
Meaning we would never have matched.
As I was experimenting with different filters before I met my partner, I had set my height filter between 5ft 7inches and 6ft 4inches (yes I know the average height of women in the UK is closer to 5ft 5inches and women in London are 5ft 7inches) but I thought I’d give it try. My partner is below the 5ft 7inches so would never have shown up too.
So, I hear you say… How did you meet?
Speed dating, yes old skool! But its worked out really well. Although I guess you could say the as speed dating has different age categories, that is a kind of a filter?
Getting deeper into some of the questions, things got more tricky. For example, I don’t want a kid but its not clear how to indicate, I would be open if the potential partner already has a older child and considering adoption in the future. Nope its flatten down to do you want children or not.
Same for politics and so much more. Its all boiled down to a binary or selection choice. Picking one will hide you from a whole ton of people who maybe ideal.
Live in another country for a short while I am determined to push myself out of my comfort zone and experience what its like living in a country with a different culture/language and customs. I feel I’m closer now than ever but there is a lot of work I need to do to make it so.
Spend more time getting to know the tech community in Portugal
Following from the previous one, I’m considering where the digital nomad visas are available. Estonia is the gold standard, its a great place with a lot of good things for it and tons of potential. However Estonia is a long way away. Portugal I like, the visa is good and its a lot closer for quick flights back. Germany and Spain‘s nomad visa is less great.
With this all in mind, I’m thinking I should get to know the tech scene in Portugal if I’m serious about living there.
Finish my dating book The book is being worked on but I feel the need to get it done, my sister suggests its in my star signs to get things done & dusted. But I do feel if I can move things forward enough, so I can spend a lot more time and energy on the first resolution. Right now its wait and see what agents and publishers say and if that goes nowhere self publish it.
I’m also checking out platforms such as smashwords, Wattpad, etc too. Suggestions are welcomed if you know one suitable for a non-fiction, memoir with some self-help aspects?
Head even further a field with the scooter Following my holiday around the common travel area, I am much more up for driving on the scooter either up through Scotland, down western Ireland or into the Netherlands and Belgium. Summer makes sense to do it and I feel full of confidence about going a head with it.
Send a email out to friends and family once or twice a year
Now the Volleyball teams are mainly off Facebook and Manchester Futurists is closed down. I’m spending almost zero time in Facebook and jumped on the selfhost train, so something which only invited friends & family would see. My thought dipping in and out last year is to run yet another wordpress site but with limited private access. Although I’m also considering a small microblogging system like Mastodon or a fork like smalltown.
Find an alternative to the pebble watch As mentioned in the review of last year, I did try fixing the previous pebble smartwatches and bought the Bangle.js.2. I see the fixes might get me through another year or so depending on what the rebble community are up to. While the Bangle.js.2 could be a longer term investment as I or the community could write Javascript apps to interface with almost anything. I’m not keen on the touchscreen but without connecting it to a phone, the battery life is almost 30days at a time. Which is great.
I am keeping an eye open on the hybrid smartwatch space but everyone is so hellbent on LCD & OLED smartwatches and the potential pixel watch, isn’t close to exciting for me.
Listen to a Audiobook every month.
I’m going to try this one again as I was so close and this time, going to start listening to Audiobooks in the Gym/Spa and when walking around Manchester. I’ll also reduce the number of podcasts to allow for more audiobook listening.
Host more film nights and dinner parties
This is a repeat of the last year but even with Covid19, I’m going to put this on the list, as I could do much better. Heck I got enough Chocolate to do a tasting night every month right now and enough spirits to put most bars to shame.
Go to a new Rollercoaster park This one is something I have been thinking about for a long while. I really want to go to some of the European parks which I hear a lot about but never actually been. There are so many including Europapark in Germany, Efteling & Walibi in the Netherlands and Energylandia, Poland. Heck I have overlooked Flamingo Land in Yorkshire, forever!
Take the Diabolo skills up a level Although things are massively better with the Diabolo skills, I really need to get my head around a few of the bad habits I have picked up. Such as winding the Diabolo after a whip, Vertex’s to tightly wound and I still can’t do the endless suicide which should be easy now.
Put some attention into dating and love
In 2021, I kinda stopped bothering due to the pandemic, then started again. But by late summer, decided to focus elsewhere as I am sick of sites like OkCupid. Next year, I’m going to pursue different models of dating and love. Its clear as day, my lifestyle and outlook isn’t compatible for 90% of the women I see. So its time to seek those who are much more compatible and take some bold moves again.
Seek out a better regular spa During the summer of 2021, I joined the Bannatyne gym because they had a good deal and have 3 places complete with spa in central Manchester. This has been great but I found the closing time annoying (for example they shut at 5pm on the weekends). Now I’m willing to pay for regular spa time, its time to see what else I can get for a little bit more.
There is the 12 for 2022. Covid19 is going to have a effect on most of there but like always, some may get moved to 2023 and that is fine. I’m staying safe with vaccinations.
The news has been full of discussion about this and being the Gates, its popped up in my news feed now and then. One thing I find annoying about the opinions I’m hearing, is how can they be splitting up after 27 years?
The romantic notion is sickly and although its always sad to see a couple split up, I have seen people say after 27 years they should stay together. Really?!
There is so much to say about our Disney view on love and relationships, but Alain de Botton and the school of life says it in much better than I ever could.
“Don’t be weak. Don’t be small. Don’t be poor. Don’t be emotional. Don’t be feminine. Don’t be aggressive. Don’t be unapproachable. Don’t be sexist. Don’t be patronizing. Don’t be entitled. Don’t be unemotional. Don’t be big. Don’t be loud.”
What does it mean to be a man in modern time, is a question which keeps popping up again and again. Things have change for the better I would say but every once in a while the old fashioned legacy comes fighting back. Better known as toxic masculinity
One such thing is the nightmare which sexual harassment, abuse and rape. Its one of those things men don’t like to talk about, mainly the notion that it makes them less of a man? What ever that really means?
Now I hear some of you say, “Surely Ian, no one would give someone a hard time for encountering sexual harassment?”
To be fair I careless what 50 cent thinks or says but its a example of what I see and hear too often when men get together. Its a typical pack mentality with each one outdoing each other with what they would have done, or how it wouldn’t happen to them. Yep the usual nonsense…
At F8, Facebook’s annual developer conference, Mark Zuckerberg announced a new dating service, simply called “Dating,” that will exist right within the social network’s own app. It will allow Facebook users to create separate profiles from their main Facebook accounts to pursue romantic connections. The two profiles won’t interact, meaning your Facebook friends won’t be able to see what your Dating profile says. And it should make dating app incumbents like Tinder and Bumble anxious.
Is Matchgroup worried? They should be, because there attitude for their customers sucks big time and Facebook may scoop in and convince those customers easily. On top of that Bumble is suing them for 400 million. Not a trivial amount…
When I first heard Aziz Ansari’s name attached to the sexual misconduct, I was honestly pretty sad and angry at him. How can this man who is a proud feminist and talks so openly about dating in the age of the internet. However after reading more deeply there’s been a lot more to the headlines.
Here’s my rough thoughts…
I’m happy to not have to put Aziz’s actions in the warped, rampant and unchecked abuses of power like those of Harvey Weinstein, Louis CK and Kevin Spacey; which are simply horrible and deserve the press they have gotten.
I’d say my view is quite close to this podcast which pushed me to finally write something. I think its bad but its not something for the #metoo movement in my view. Its a bad experience and wouldn’t get the press if it wasn’t a big name. Babe.net have blown this up and its damaging to the bigger movement which I would say is about total abuses in power. I’m not saying I don’t have sympathy for Grace and her experience shouldn’t be heard; but its the escalation and which is worrying. Babe.net pushed this and did some harm & injustice to Grace to get short term viewers and attention. Its sadly something which happens a lot from my own experience and what friends tell me.
About the actual date…. I have to lean on Hadley Freeman’s column in the Guardian. Its really a difficult thing to say because I’ve got a few stories from bad dates. Some are misunderstandings, most seemed to be tied to drink, some are just unbelievable and theres no way I could repeat them without changing names/locations/etc . But for each one, I’ve held a certain amount of choice, power and understanding. Being self aware and conscious has really helped. I can only be responsible for my own actions and tend to avoid situations which looking back could be seen as questionable.
Dating involves more than one person, so instead of treating this story as a gladiatorial battle between snowflakes and people who enable rape culture, a more conducive approach would be to rethink the whole hook-up narrative: stop thinking of it as a game; get your head out of your libido when there’s someone else in the room; and when someone says no, they mean no, not, “Mmm, persuade me by sticking your hand down my throat.”
The Ansari story has shone a light on the awkward fault lines in modern dating – fault lines so common that many of us just took them for granted. It turns out that the dress is neither blue nor gold, but grey.
Dating is clearly difficult and I’m in agreement, the dress is neither blue not gold but shades of grey.
I was asked by Ahmed and other Manchester futurists to talk about the future of dating. Of course I said sure thing…
So I have combined a few of my blog posts, thoughts and foresights into a combination which I actually think could be or could lead towards a possible future of the way we match and connect in the future.
Should be fun as it won’t be just a talk like the TEDX talk 2 years ago but a workshop involving people in creating their own dating service on the night.
Head further a field with the new scooter
New Scooter, new waterproof wear, its time for a ride into Europe before the UK leaves Europe (said with a very heavy heart)
Ride a roller coaster in another country Closely related to the previous one, its got to happen in 2018. I love them and its time to go further a field to see what others are doing.
Go to a new part of the world Regular resolution and its a great one to have.
See more comedy
I can’t really believe I didn’t go to any comedy last year, got to make changes to include some comedy in 2018.
Explore more about the brain using neuroscience
Massively interested in the power, quirks and processing of the brain; from the dreams it creates to the way it processes memes. The recent talk reminded me how much I love this area. Certainly like to see more talks like that.
Only eat artisan chocolate unless its Kitkat, Twix or Maltesers
I like chocolate but I decided a while ago that I should only really eat a certain percentage or higher. My tolerance for lower cocoa is dropping and like my cocktail choices; its time to avoid the rubbish stuff. Chocolate tasting confirmed this and the cocoarunners subscription should offer enough to keep me away from the rubbish stuff. I decided I should give myself some outs.
Do more with my Estonian e-residency I want to do more with my e-residency and its about time, I started using this state backed digital identity to do more. Even if its just signing documents as me.
Make better use of the online services I have paid or invested in I have paid for quite a few services like Plex, Standard Notes, Trakt, etc. They have all passed the point of me thinking this is good and I should support it for what ever reasons. Certainly need to connect them up with local services like ttrss, etc using ifttt.
Be more daring in matters of the heart
Last year was a quiet year for me, mainly because I was away so much and frankly I’m quitedisillusionedwith thecurrent online dating platforms. Its time to find something else. There has to be better and I need to find it.
Decentralise more and use POSSE more Time to move away from these centralised services and look for open source alternatives which value a distributed, federated, loosely connected models. I take what I said about my role in Mozfest quite seriously. Started using Mastoden more and been using things like Standardnotes, Wallabag, etc… then syncing or publishing elsewhere under my own steam
I saw this blog about bipolar a while ago and thought it would be interesting to try and do something similar for dyslexic. Partly because most people still think of dyslexia as simply a learning condition, and have no idea of the bigger picture especially when it comes to relationships.
I’m going to start this off by being completely honest; loving someone who’s dyslexic can be easy or hard; like loving anyone. Being dyslexic myself, I am pretty bias and may find some of the things pretty easy and understandable. I actually like dating people with dyslexia to be honest, as things seem to make more rational. So this comes from personal experience rather than fact or research papers. I think there could be a sit-com idea out of this, in the same way there is the big bang theory which focuses on academically intelligent but socially awkward characters.
I also used dyslexic and person with dyslexia through-out this post, don’t expect any consistency from me – sorry!
Basically don’t take any of this to heart! Its meant to be light hearted
M-Strength for Material Reasoning, which is primarily reasoning about the position, form, and movement of objects 3D space
I-Strengths for Interconnected Reasoning, which is primarily the ability to spot, understand, and reason about connections and relationships (e.g., analogies, metaphors, systems, patterns)
N-Strengths for Narrative Reasoning, which is primarily the ability to reason using fragments of memory formed from past personal experience (i.e., using cases, examples, and simulations rather than abstract reasoning from principles)
D-Strengths for Dynamic Reasoning, which is the ability to accurately predict using patterns derived through experience the future or the unwitnessed past
As you can imagine these have a impact, but how it affects relationships is still very unknown and up for debate.
Once again… don’t take any of this to heart, think of it as poking a little bit of light hearted fun.
Usually late
Dyslexics tend to be late or have to work harder to be on time. This can seem like laziness or lack of attention when actually this isn’t as such true. As Victoria says.
Dyslexics live in the “now” and not aware of their schedule or anyone else which often makes them seem as if they are in their “own world”
Expect lots of excuses and don’t take their lateness as a insult because when you are with them.
Dyslexics however are solidly planted in the moment and if they are spending time with you, that is where they are mentally – 100% with you. They may seem distracted as their minds may drift or catapult to a stimulating tangent or many tangents as you chat due to the conversation sparking new and exciting thoughts for them, but they are with you.
Think of it like a state of flow.
Remember that thing…?
Expect to have conversations about favourite media or books, for which the dyslexic can’t remember the actual title. Usually explaining the plot or key moments will awaken the dyslexic mind to the fact they have read/seen/heard/experienced it before. It can be frustrating to have that conversation again and again but once awoken expect vivid retracing; like where they first read that book or which cinema they first saw the film in.
Mishearing and misreading
Dyslexics tend to have extended hearing (hears things not said or apparent to others – maybe something to do with the mind working over time?); this can cause issues which can lead to miscommunication, confusion and misunderstanding. Not exactly what you need in a relationship really. Exactly the same is true of misreading, especially when rushed. Don’t rush them, if you do expect miscommunication and mistakes.
Focus on the bigger picture
Its clear dyslexics have a grand vision and see all the possibilities. Its not that they don’t care about the details, but rather haven’t considered them yet. Once locked into the details, there is a certain amount of perfectionism which creeps in but generally details are boring… and for boring people (smile).
They tend to be 3 steps ahead but haven’t considered what step 1 or 2 actually are. They tend to work backwards not forwards. Dyslexics tend to have great intuition, think of everything being loosely connected and I imagine its really annoying but some understanding of this will help greatly.
Remember they are holding back their natural state and creativity to fit in a world where its less respected. Go with their intuition as magical things will happen.
Expect the unexpected
Ask a dyslexic for the plan and they will tell you one thing but ask them again in a few days and it will change. Theres a element of keeping all the options/possibilities open and bouncing around the options at will.
This can be exciting because everyday is new but this can also be exhausting. A lot of dyslexics force themselves to routines but left to their own means would happily change it up in a flash.
Things will be lost
Lots of dyslexics tend to misplace things and lose things quite a bit because they put it in the wrong place. Its common for dyslexics to leave things in the fridge, bathroom or at someone else’s house.
This can be seen as absent mindedness but its usually because their mind is working 4 times the speed of others and the details of where things are just don’t matter as much. I can imagine this is frustrating but you can help by, giving nudges of reminders (not too many however!)
Expect lots of contradictions
Consistency isn’t a dyslexic trait. One day its one thing another day its another thing. You kind of need to get use to it, as its easier if its openly discussed and not simply judged. Dyslexics tend to like playing devils advocate a bit, so watch for that.
The mind is simply sexy
Simple as it says, they really love minds and the term sapiosexual really applies here. I’ve looked at this quite a bit and I think its down to the idea dyslexic people can experience thoughts as reality. Dyslexics also tend to be more curious about things then the average person, making them geeky about many things including the brain and ideas.
Expect lots of meta and deep conversations when you really get to know them.
Passion and emotional intelligence
Dyslexics tend to think in visions instead of language. They describe things with passion, are highly intuitive and insightful (hence the 3 steps ahead). They tend to take in or perceive through all their senses not just what they are reading or seeing.
This means a simple story can turn into something quite a bit more than expected.
Most neurotypical (not my term, but an interesting one) people are captivated when they meet or hear someone with dyslexia talk. They are totally caught up in the passion, which you don’t hear much. This is why the likes of Steve Jobs could cast his magic (Reality distortion field) They have a change the world stance which can be honest and genuine.
Team this up with a level of emotional intelligence and maturity not usually seen in most of the population and you got a one heck of a partner.
Give them space and be flexible
Don’t give up. It’s worth it in the end. I promise!
Serious point…
Saying all this, it really depends if they know and embrace their dyslexia? Many don’t know they have dyslexia and/or actively fight against it causing many other problems like low-self esteem and depression as they fight to be neurotypical.
Its a real shame and really blows me away when I meet people who have been diagnosed with dyslexia but are forced to keep quiet (hide in the wardrobe?) because of the shame they will face. This can be the difference between having a job or not sometimes. So many people I have met, work 4x as hard to make sure no one notices their mistakes, difficulties and natural state.
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