Tag: dating

How about we?

How about we

My last date told me about the site http://www.howaboutwe.com yesterday…

Very interesting site, its like OKCupid’s Locale (which is still in beta) but instead of the sudo hook up thing, its done much better and clearer about getting people connected around an event/date. The shared experience is the main point of the site. As it says its self,

“Put the date back in dating”

In actual fact, I found a previous date/friend who wants to go out for cocktails, so of course I registered my interest… 🙂

The weird part is where and how they make money?

It seems its free to ask for a date or to get people together but if you message one person it costs money.

Nope actually its more traditional than I first thought. You still have to pay to even reply to requests to be involved in a date/event. That sucks because now I got about 4 woman who would like to go somewhere and I can’t reply… Shame real shame.

So it really pays to play within their system and not try and talk directly with people. This also means its not exclusively for dating in the traditional sense… For example I could throw out the idea of meeting up to play werewolf in Manchester if I wanted to…

Intriguing business model indeed… and of course they have a iphone app (boring)

Is it possible to match people with science?

This has got to be one the eternal questions? Maths or science has solved so many of our questions but can it be used for working out compatibility of humans?

That was one of the things which really intrigued me about a year of making love. I assume you’ve seen how it turned in on its self since the production team totally screwed up the process and kept us all in the dark about it. And if you want further evidence do check out the tweets for #yearofmakinglove and #yoml…

However because of the total screwup most people are saying its a total failure (maybe very true) but also science or rather maths was never going to work… I can’t disagree specially after the experience we all had yesterday. However basing any judgments off the back of yesterdays experience would be a mistake.

So do I personally think maths/science can match humans? Maybe… (yes what a cope out) but to be honest no one knows for sure. And thats the point of the experiment.

At the very start of the day (ordeal) we were introduced to the professor who devised the test/questions and the matching algorithm. I remember tweeting this…

As Michael replied a far…

And he’s right…

In my own experience to date, the matching algorithm over at OkCupid.com has been pretty darn good (not perfect!) (OKCupid’s OK Trends are legendary – check out the biggest lies people tell each other on dating sites and How race effects the messages you get). But I had to train it to be good. I’ve to date answered about 700+ questions and there not just questions. There detailed, so you have to answer it, then specify how important this is to you and what answer your ideal match would pick. This makes for much more dimensions in the answer criteria and ultimately the algorithm. Aka the algorithm is only as good as the dataset its working on.

You got to put in the data/time, if you want it to be good… Otherwise your going to get crappy results.

This makes the 50 questions answered for the year of making love look like a pop quiz (hotshot), to be honest.

So back to the original question slightly modified, can a algorithm match people in the interest of love? I think so to a certain extent. But its not the complete picture. Chemistry is a big deal which is very difficult to understand. Its not found by answering questions but watching the interaction between people. Its a different type of algorithm… Situation can cause chemistry, aka the reason why everyone came together on the coaches home (or to the wrong city as some of them seemed to do) is because there was a social situation which we could all share/talk about. (cue talk about social objects/places) Chemistry was in full effect?

I hope people don’t give up on science as a way to find their ideal partner just because of the terrible experience they had at The year of making love… is I guess what I’m saying…

A year of making love and where it went wrong

Most people will remember the last blog I wrote about the BBC Three dating experiment called A year of making love…

Well I went to the event and frankly it was a total shambles. So what happened (imho)?

I have to be careful because I did sign a contract with them, which if I read correctly did have clauses which seemed NDA like (yes I do read contracts but it was very rushed at the time and we never got a copy of what we signed) From memory it was more about exclusive use of footage, etc. And Fevermedia actively encouraged us to document our experiences for a year. From the paper work they gave us…

  • How was the YOML (year of making love) launch day for you – what was your experience?
  • What do you think of the science that matched you two together… has it done well or not!?

They even supplied free wifi on the day which did really surprise me, hence lots of tweeting, uploading photos, etc… So I’m just posting my own thoughts…

I got up and got myself ready for the 7am coach journey from Piccadilly Station. 4 Coaches were put on with males in two and females in the others. We were meant to leave on the dot so we would reach the secret venue by 10am. However that never happened as we left Manchester at about 8am instead (no real reason why, or at least explained)

Then when we finally got to Millbrook, we were left sitting in our seats on the coaches for almost a hour. Yes we were on location but each coach was sat in a formation waiting for what? No one knew, no communication, no one to ask. Coach driver only said he’s been told to wait. In the end, its was only my bladder and my unwillingness to go pee in the bushes near the formation of coaches. I personally think they wanted to do a shoot of everyone getting into the building but it just never happened.

Marching into the building/hanger to use the toilets, it seemed stupid to go back to the coach. I also had met some guys on the coach who followed me (more about them later). So we stuck around and waited in a queue of woman also waiting to register and get in.

Finally through registration and directed into the green zone to collect our wrist bands and sign the very light contract. We were given a a food voucher (a sandwich and a drink), information sheets and told to wait with other matches. To be correct, the green zone was mainly for males and the orange zone mainly for females. However, I was pleased to see some woman who in my terrible gaydar sense were homosexual. I was pleased mainly because I did wonder if this experiment was exclusively straight, which turned out not to be. A matching experiment should work with LGBT too, OkCupid‘s does.

Right after about a hour of waiting around, we were told to go into the main area. To be honest it was massive and very impressive at first. Orange (mainly women) on the left and Green (mainly men) on the right. Separated by a large isle in the middle, like a church wedding. Were were also explained this is a “scientific experiment” which has never been done on this scale before…

The idea was when your number is read out, go to either side/wing to get quickly sorted and get given a couple number. When your couple number is read out, emerge from the hidden wings, walk on to the stage meet your partner for the very first time say something nice and walk down the isle in front of the cameras. Basically they wanted to capture that very first moment when you met and the reaction as you walked away to learn more about each other next door

And to be frank for the first few hours it worked. There were some amazing matches and some great moments when people lept into each others arms, did a spin on the spot and carried the parter down the isle over there shoulders. The energy in the room from the 1000 people was great. However after 2-3 hours, the space started to empty from matches and the energy started to shorten.

Where it went wrong…

We were promised breaks but never told when they were. Instead there were long periods where they had called quite a few numbers and trying to sort out there partner numbers in the wings (once again no communication of what was going on).

Little Update…
Also worth mentioning there were doing in small batches starting from 2xxx and 1xxxx going upwards. So realistically I should have been matched very early with 2135. However they skipped over large batches at certain points. But still generally going up into towards 2500 and 1500. Of course they never reached 500.

Later the blame was pushed on to people leaving and their partner being left alone. In actual fact, if they had brought us into the arena in small batches, instead of random it would have speeded up the process no end.
People started using there phones, reading magazines and generally chatting away. The clapping went from loud to drips in a sink. People screamed for food as we hadn’t had food for over 5 hours! I was thinking about starting a shout out about this but decided better of it.

The event was due to come to a close at 6pm but we left the venue at about 8:30pm. Lots of people including myself, came by coaches but others drove and got connecting trains to Milton Keynes. If your coming from a long way, you want to make sure you get home safely (specially if your a single woman, friends were not allowed – you had to come alone). The coaches threaten to leave but were held back as long as possible. There was a air of people needed to go and they did.

Fevermedia tried to speed things up but with the false positives and the lack of excitement it became very telling. However, instead of changing things (after a announcement captured on youtube). They pushed on with the same format (they really wanted that moment of first meeting on camera), even my number got called and I was waiting in the wings to meet my partner.

Then they changed their minds (finally realising this will never work in the time) and pulled everyone to the back of the venue to read out the numbers and matches. This was very badly done (it was like calling for cattle) and done far far too late. Hence it pretty much exploded at the end with  a ugly stand off between production staff and the people who had not been matched (roughly 100 people).

I like many others were peed off (lack of food, drink, sitting in uncomfortable chairs for hours on end, with very little communication about what was happening) that maybe in the room was our matches but we would never find out because they wanted to hold on to that information. At one point they even suggested a speed dating session (I hope as a unhelpful joke) which would have made the whole scientific experiment a total joke. Fevermedia did say they would contact everyone who wasn’t matched and match them over email but like many expressed, the moment is gone and after such a bad handle of the situation why would anyone want to be involved again?

The cold light of the next day

They wanted to be the largest but only matched about 350 couples? (aim was 500). They could cover up some of the holes on in post but its going to need plenty of editing and they will never get the magic 500 couple number, specially now.

It wasn’t that I was pinning my hopes on meeting the one, just that I like many wanted to meet them and felt bad for this other person who you may have even rubbed shoulders with. In actual fact, I met some great people on the day and sharing stories and experiences on the coach was interesting.

After all the trouble of the day (we got back to Manchester after midnight! I even had to direct the coach driver…), a few of us went to Tai Wu for Chinese food as we were so bloody hungry. Two of the guys I met on the coach, had met there match partners but hadn’t really clicked (yet?)  so hooked up with other people. One of them came to Tai Wu with us and they seemed to be hitting it off very well. Mismatch maybe, who knows? We’ve all agreed to meet up again soon in the Northern Quarter for drinks as we swapped numbers.

For me it was a the not knowing and being in the same room with someone who might be a great match. End of the day I was more interested in seeing if it could work. One guy I spoke to on the coach home, had staked quite heavy amount of time and effort on this and was deeply upset. Some would say thats really bad but at just 18 and frankly a super shy personality, the build up and catastrophic breakdown of the show was heart breaking. I did say to him don’t confuse the show format with the actual idea of using maths to connect people. OkCupid does a excellent job (imho) but I have to date answered over 500 detailed questions. While for the show we answered roughly 50?

End of the day, I’m not that upset (some were screaming blue murder at the end)… I do fear it reflects very badly on the BBC because I heard negative comments about the show and attributing BBC Three. It was all very anticlimactic for something which started off well (even with the small problems at the start). I did feel sorry for Fevermedia specially when people were laying into them but if they had sorted out the matches and worried less about getting that on camera everyone would have been a lot happier. I’d suggest they should have done it over 2 days for such a number of people really, but I imagine that would have been a logistical nightmare too.

This further adds further weight to my thoughts about broadcast TV. There’s a sense your just cattle and don’t matter in getting the final product. Your the bi-product and thats just not right (specially felt this when they were reading out numbers like cattle). In my TedX talk earlier in the week I talked about everyone being unique and special. 500 new stories and relationships had the potential to be an amazing story but for a lot of people it was an experience they never want to be involved in again…

And with this I rip my green band off with my match number 2135. Its very unlikely I’ll be involved any further… And I’m sure my match if anything like me won’t either…

a year of making love band

A year of making love?

chocolate for perfect match

I have no idea whats going to happen tomorrow but remember that BBC Three dating show I considered going on a while back?

Well I applied and got accepted on board…

All I know so far is there are 499 other men and 500 woman also going… We’ll be matched based on maths or more like sudo-science off the back of our questionnaire which we all had to fill in. So like OkCupid its based on a matching technology to see whos the most compatible for each person. One of the 500 will be a “perfect” match for me.

Tomorrow we set off at 7am from a place in Manchester to a place in the midlands to meet quite a few of the opposite sex, then later in the day we will meet our “ideal match?”

One of the researchers called me a few days ago to check I was still going, because “you wouldn’t want to let down the other person of course.” She then asked if I was going to bring some flowers for her? To which I was like “ummm no?” Anyway later today, I decided maybe I should buy something, because goodness knows what everyone else will be doing…? Yes I bowed to peer pressure on this one, not really my style.. I know. I got a box of chocolates and will wrap them up in a bit…

Everything I do hopefully will be in my character, I won’t be acting out of turn or pushed into something.

If things work out, then great but generally I’m not expecting to find my perfect match or anything like that. I mean lets look at the maths…

I answered about 40 questions and the sample size isn’t that big. OKCupid has a much bigger sample size and I’ve answered roughly 700 questions with the ability to say how important the answer is to me and what I’d expect my ideal match to say (so much deeper)… So I would be totally amazed if something happened…

Funny enough, I watched BBC Three at work in FYG deli while they filmed Snog, Marry or Avoid today. To be honest I wasn’t that impressed, so I am more worried about this dating experiment than ever before.

My good friend Ross has warned me that, if I do this all those woman I’ve been out on dates with and worst will start selling their stories to papers, specially if it goes well. This seriously does worry me because frankly I’ve done a lot of things in my life with lots of people and not all of them are great… 🙁 My only hope is that with 499 other people, my history won’t be that interesting to the media. But heck you never ever know…

I’m not sure how much I will be able to tweet or blog but I’ll certainly do what I can… maybe using the hashtag #yroflove?

Missed my chance to have a wider debate on who pays first?

I very recently got this through my contact me form on my blog,

This is Josh Neicho from Letters at the London Evening Standard, I hope all is well with you. I wanted to forward you our piece today in which two writers address the question of who should pay on a first date. Following your recent talk I would be very interested to hear your thoughts or alternatively a summary of the different points made by people who attended and which you found convincing. I would just be looking for 50-100 words later tonight for tomorrow’s paper.

Unforgivable I didn’t see this till too late. I assume Josh wanted to get it into the Evening standard in time for Valentines day? So I’m still available to do it if Josh is interested?

I could just imagine some of my friends in London such as Cristiano, Sheila, etc picking up the standard on their journey home and doing a 2nd look when reading it. Oh well…!

Although to be honest, I would need to get my sister to check it through before sending it. I was going to prefix anything I wrote with this is coming from a dyslexic guy… I’m sure it would be fine with work, because it would be my own views and certainly not the view of the BBC.

Also a friend from London (don’t want to out them) sent this event also on the same day…

How our relationships and our affections are being moulded by the technology? This session will include insight into affection in the age of social media from a leading consumer research firm. There might just be a few dating tips, too

Would have loved to have gone if I was in London. Also I’ve not seen Mel Kirk for ages…

Reminds me I need to kick off Geeks Talk Sexy season 2 maybe in late March?

Don’t waste your life, living someone else’s life

Its rare, very rare that Tim Dobson will tweet something at me which is actually worthy of blogging about. Love the guy, he saved my life… 🙂 But he doesn’t half send some crap my way…

Anyway this time he send a very touching video which is about a engineer who goes speed dating. Unlike the usual crap you get about speed dating, this one is much more measured and the overall moral is something which directly ties to my story of me talk at TedXManchester yesterday.

On slide 56, I quote Steve Jobs from his Stanford university speech

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life…

And with this deep in the way I do things since mybrushwithdeath, I will be going on this dating show and not acting any differently than my usual self (yes I’ll even be wearing a black shirt)

It may not make great TV but it will be honestly me. No playing up for the camera, no bull, just me. Actually I keep thinking with the current crop of suggestions that online dating is a bit poo, maybe is the perfect time for my lifestreaming dating idea. Bring a bit of honesty and trust to online dating, rather than projecting an ideal image of yourself…?

Now if I could only get Tim to send less crap and more signal…

I’m signed up for who knows what…

Ketchup and Mustard

Remember when I asked the question multiple times, if I should sign up for a BBC Three ground breaking dating experiment titled, a year of making love?

Well I can tell you I did sign up and I was selected (yes I did tell them I was a BBC employee of course)

That’s about all I know right now… We’ve been asked to keep a date free (best I don’t reveal which one) and await further instructions.

I’m not sure what to expect but I’m nervously looking forward to it as a total experiment. What ever happens, I’m certainly going to be holding it together and not doing anything stupid, even if everyone else chooses to do so. I’ll be holding on to any dignity I have very tightly. Really hoping this is one of BBC Three’s better shows.

Ignite Leeds: Who pays on the first date?

Who pays on the first date?

In my first talk in 2012 and first of a few this month (#smc_mcr and #tedxmanchester to come). I spoke at the excellent igniteleeds.

Unusually I didn’t talk about technology or social change, instead I did a 5min talk about who pays on the first date? Seemed to go well and I even had a woman who admitted publicly she had pulled the whole reaching for her purse waiting for the other person to offer to pick up the whole bill (as per my early slide).

Unfortunately after reaching for my virtual bag while demonstrating the whole reach down, I pulled the VGA cable out of my laptop and had the panic of putting it back and then switching to mirror screen again. Wasn’t a big problem, just meant the whole presentation was over 5mins for sure. Good thing it wasn’t auto advancing, because it would have been real short.

I had a couple of conversations with people afterwards, one was with guy who didn’t see the point in my talk… The other was a guy who said he had this exactly conversation last week with a female friend of his.

The event was real fun and the speakers were varied and each quite different. We had social poetry to diy bio and most things between. It was a good night and I’m happy I was able to speak at the event hosted by the amazing imran ali.

If you found the talk interesting and your around Manchester, we’re planning Geeks Talk Sexy season 2, so keep your eyes peeled.

Next stop #smc_mcr on Tuesday… Perceptive Media…

Should I apply for a BBC Three dating experiment?

I’m trying to decide if I should apply for this groundbreaking dating experiment or rather TV dating show

We’re looking for single people to take part in a groundbreaking dating experiment.

Are you looking for Miss or Mr Right?

Would you like to be set up with your ideal date?

Using the science of compatibility testing, our relationship experts will be creating 500 compatible couples who will meet for the first time at an exciting TV dating event.

This is the week that our compatibility test goes live, so make sure that you don’t miss out on the chance of meeting your perfect date by getting in touch now!

I might not be able to apply due to being a BBC member of staff but you never know… Actually the only reason I’m considering it is because its BBC. However its BBC Three, so who knows what it might end up like.

I’ve asked on Twitter and Google Plus and its been a mixed response, but now the deadline is coming up and I need to decide.

Can I remind you about the last time I was on TV, and that was without me even signing up to anything!

And they ask, how can you judge…?

Josh (technicalfault) will never let me forget about my idles to not date anyone who regularly shops in Aldi supermarket…

After reading my latest blog post he took to Twitter to tell me I’m a hypo-critic 🙂

He then puts forward a scenario…

how about this. a lady shops in Aldi so she can save money to help pay for parents medical treatment. yet you judge her!

Actually no… maybe I do but for good reason. We all have filters, preferences, likes. Like it or not, its being human

So why the dislike of Aldi? Well its a complex one, and can not be put down to some simple snobbery. Heck even I shop there between supermarket deliveries… But I don’t like it. Its about my own values…

Here’s some justification, which may make me sound like a snob but I’m not…

  1. Good food costs good money…
    I buy free-range eggs instead of barn eggs (even with the huge cost increase). Even when I was a student and had no money at all, working in starbucks coffee, I would still mainly buy free-range eggs. Very occasionally I bought barn eggs and although I knew they were basically the same, I felt terrible for doing so… That was my own values being stretched – not anyone elses. My own values tell me food pricing is screwed up… Good food should cost quite a bit and specially in the case of fresh food, the premium we pay should go to the people who help bring us that fresh food. This is why although Aldi does provide very cheap food, I’m not a fan because I feel good food should cost. (To note: I’m not saying everyone should pay that if they can’t afford it. Our values and priorities change through our lives, and right now I don’t have a problem paying for good food, I know that makes me very lucky)
  2. Quality of food…
    In my honest opinion, fresh food at Aldi is generally crappy… Things like Grapes and Apples taste really bad to me. When compared to Tesco, Asda, Sainsburys, Booths and even from the Arndale local Market. I can’t stand to buy fresh goods from Aldi no more after multiple tries. Maybe its just my taste buds but I believe its about right for the money you pay. Yes they have a reasonable selection of meats and cheeses but there fresh food is very poor in my view. So I would have a slightly tarnished view of people who enjoyed the fresh food… Its not me looking down, well at least no less than those who enjoy Apple products 🙂
I can go on for ever about Aldi but I just have so many problems with our local Aldi beyond what I said above…
Josh will hate my justification but frankly its a small filter and a little more context, we were originally talking regarding Asda’s supermarket dating service. I joked Asda dating (at least in Eastlands Manchester) would be a poor state of affairs. It would be like dating on Plenty of Fish while something like Sainsburys or even Booths supermarket dating would be more like dating on Okcupid. The later certainly would attract more of the type person I’d personally like to meet… Its not a snobbery thing, actually Sainsburys and Booths are both in Salford.
I’ll be hiding from the comments and twitter wraff for the rest of the week… I’m never too far from controversy it seems…

Places to meet partners…?

oberlin mudd library 5

I warn you I don’t always follow my own advice, but I had a little read of CTS’s post in the telegraphy titled, If you’re looking for love in London make sure it’s in the right places.

But before I start my comment, I’ve been reading and following (thanks to the forever good friend Kate Norman for the pointer) CTS’s 52 first dates, which really intrigues me and makes me wish I had blogged my many dates…

Here’s the deal. I’ve been single since time immemorial. So, in an attempt to remedy my eternal singledom, and to get over my nauseatingly pathological fear of dates, I’ve decided to challenge myself. The challenge? To go on one first date a week for a year! So in 52 weeks time, I will have either found my Mr Right, or I’ll stay forever Miss Write. This is what happens…

Here are the rules to the 52 First Dates challenge…

1. A first date must be had once a week, EVERY week, for 52 weeks.

2. Taking someone home after a drunken night on the cider does NOT count, otherwise this challenge would just be slutty, and none of us want that do we?!?

3. Second and third dates are allowed, I must continue first dates unless there are exceptional mitigating circumstances. For example, God forbid, the start of a relationship.

4. Each date must be blogged.

Great concept and to be honest I’m kind of hooked reading some of her blog posts… I’m sure I’ll comment more about them in future.

So now on to, places to meet…

in reality, the prospect of catching a fellow passenger’s eye on the Tube is unheard of and the very notion of verbalising a cheeky flirt during rush hour would probably cause the entire Underground system to implode. It just doesn’t happen, it’s not the done thing.

Although I do agree mainly its not totally unheard of… In my time living in London half the time I was married but before that, I had some great experiences communicating with people on the tube. Yes they were very rare but there is nothing better than when the driver/announcer makes a mistake or says something funny. You can’t help but just look at the person opposite you and smile or even laugh. Well next time say something, don’t try and be funny just say something which refers to the current situation. You will be surprised what might happen…

Yes it breaks the silence and yes Londonners don’t talk in public much but hey who knows what can happen if you cease the moment? Reason why I mention it is I’ve met some interesting people on the tube this way. Now to be honest its never been a romantic type of thing but I’m sure with enough times something might have happened…

CTS (really need to find out her real name) ends with this…

Regardless, if you want to meet someone in this heaving city perhaps it’s best to dive right in and see who’s available online. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea but reeling them in at bars and clubs is hard work – online dating could well be the best way to find a lifeguard.

I agree, online has been better but like when me and Sarah first met in reality, that was when things really clicked.

The thing I’ve always done (or at least tried to do) is keep an eye open when you go places you personally enjoy. Chances are if you enjoy that place, the person you want to meet also will be there. So enjoy shopping in ikea, the person you may want to meet is maybe there too. I personally love Manchester’s cafe culture and spend plenty of time hanging out in them, yes nothing to show yet but a few twitter name swaps for example. But likewise if your not a fan of say old man pubs (like me), then its not going to be the kind of place you may want to meet someone else romantically…

I can talk quite a bit about the social objects/places thing but I’ve done enough of that here.

Poll: On the first date who pays?

On the first date, who pays? My Qriously poll

For those who can’t read the poll, 100 people answered from around the world via Qriously the question of who should pay on the first date? Something I talked at length about before.

60% said the man should pay on the first date, 27% said the woman and only 13% said go dutch (thinking I should have put split it instead of go Dutch, to avoid any language misunderstanding). Yes the man should pay is the number one option but what totally surprises me is the small amount of votes for going dutch?

I didn’t tweet the poll and to be honest I forgot to change it because it was meant to be part of the Leeds ignite talk I was going to give on the 15th November. This has now been put back to early next year…

The Insight…
60% (60) people are in favour of The Man (Top Geographies are United States, United Kingdom, India)
13% (13) people are in favour of Go Dutch (Top Geographies are United States, Thailand, India)
27% (27) people are in favour of The Woman (Top Geographies are United States, Spain, Chile)
The poll was answered by 46% Female and 54% Male and the average sentiment is strongly towards The Man
There was 100 Answers and 2,963 Views over only 18mins uptime, not bad for a first time without any additional push from myself.
I will run it again during my talk at Leeds Ignite and change the “go dutch” note and focus it on just the UK and maybe Europe?

 

 

OK Cupid Locals (beta)

Okcupid locals

It wasn’t long ago that I removed the OKCupid application from my android phone because frankly it wasn’t all that and it was more like an extension of the website. But I was talking to my friend Nicola who I had been telling for a while to stop paying for online dating sites. In the past she has filled me in on the problems Guardian Soulmates was having post there redesign. But today she filled me in on OKCupid’s new beta application feature called Locals.

In actual fact Locals I’d heard about but hadn’t tried till she explained it.

Simply its Grindr for the OKCupid crowd… Sam Yagan (OKC founder) explains why its anti-grindr

So Grindr is obviously the most successful mobile dating app out there. The things that make it so successful—I’m going to terribly stereotype this community—but it’s larger used as a vehicle for short-term, physical relationships. Now it turns out, taking the stereotypical heterosexual case, that the vast majority of women don’t want that. In fact that’s what creeps them out the most about this. They’re worried about stalkers, they’re worried that it’s 10:30 at night on a Friday and you know someone at the bar next to you thinks you want to have sex with them.

How is OkCupid Locals different?

Number one, we’re populating Locals with the OkCupid database. Our entire reputation is built around the fact that we have this data-oriented way to understand people’s personalities. We can actually layer in compatibility. So now, when you make yourself available in Locals, it’s not just, “Oh, who are the people around me who are hot and horny at this moment.” It’s sliced by who are the people around me who are compatible with me. Instead of it being like everyone’s out there in this meat market, it’s more like I can say, “Who wants to go to karaoke.” You can post that not to just everyone in the West Village, but you can say: everyone in the Village who has a compatibility with me over 80 percent.

It sort of cleans the unwashed masses. It’s like, ohhhhh. You’ve been on OkCupid for a couple years, you know that people with high match percentages tend to be people that you could tolerate having a beer with. (Or not—there are creepy people everywhere in every compatibility index.) But in general we’ve got this sort of filter of the users, which I think is super valuable.

And I he’s right, you can just say something like I’m in X place for Y amount of time. Then set who you would like to see there (based on your OKC profile), so for example mine options is Girls who like guys and everybody.

The thing which makes me think this could be a success is the fact I was already doing this on twitter as such. For example I’d say, I’m in central London tonight, anyone fancy joining me for a meal or a drink. Because I have quite a few twitter followers I tend to always catch someone but now I can do the same and hopefully meet some real cool people who, who knows might be rather cute.

Locals really hits the head of what makes OKCupid so cool. One of the secrets of OKC is its social nature. Its more like a place to hangout, do quizes, talk to people, etc, etc. Dating is a massive part but I know people who just use to chat to people in passing, read there journals and fill out the weird and wonderful quizes. If they can get people to do locale too… then there on to a new massive success

I know most people will screw up there face at the notion of Locals but for someone as public as myself, its going to be a whole lot of fun…

On your first date? The man must pay?

::Throughout life you will meet one person who is like no other,,, ::

I was in a meeting today with 3 female collages (I won’t say which ones for now) about BarCampMediaCity and somewhere along the conversation we got talking about my love life… don’t ask me how we got there but something happened…

One of the ladies said something about first dates and I replied saying I’ve got some crazy experiences over the last few years I’ve been dating. We had a brief chat and somewhere along the conversation she said something which I had to unpick.

It came about that she believed that on the first date, men should always pay for the meal.

I was shocked! Like totally dumbfounded…

So shocked I had to pose the question on twitter… a few people replied including my sister and very good friend.

I can’t believe in 2011 we still have these old fashioned views. I was under the illusion that woman had moved on and wasn’t buying all this chauvinistic crap. I was also under the illusion that insisting to pay for the whole dinner put the woman in a difficult position, like you owe the man something.

It turns out I might have been wrong all this time.

But to be honest, I say rubbish… This sounds like something straight out of the rules.

I might be wrong but I certainly like to think the woman I go out with are not bound by such frankly stupid ideology. Its 2011 for goodness sake! I can make a lady feel better in much better ways than paying for her meal. I mean, come on… Is she meant to be grateful that I unimaginatively paid for her meal instead of something creative and from the soul?

Just because I don’t pay for the whole meal doesn’t mean I’m not into you, maybe I respect you so much that I’m not going to undermine you by paying for the whole bill. I understand you have a great job and would like to share the bill with me also out of respect…

Maybe in there lies my problem, I show too much respect for woman and I should also adopt this chauvinistic take? To be fair its worked for lots of my other friends but I deep down like to think the woman who I end up growing old with (in the end) is smart enough to see through this crap and is happy to take her own path and make her up her own mind. Not be pressured by this old fashioned legacy…

What do other people think? Should I cover the costs of all the dates I go on? It certainly will restrict how many dates I will go (time to loose the serial dater tag then) on in the future if so…

Lastly this is certainly something for the 2nd season of geeks talk sexy… Maybe its time to start thinking about it

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