Tis the season for drinking… let it be over please!

This is a difficult thing to put across. I dont know what it is about myself but I really dislike drunk people, please dont take offense everyone! Let me at least try and explain.

From a early age I've always been a clubbing/raving person. I actually disliked pubs, and when I mean pubs I mean the real old english style pubs with brown wall paper, smoking stains and no music except a dodgy old jukebox attached to a wall. I'm sorry but I would rather spend a night in Easyeverything. However a good bar isn't as bad but its the people which I still dont like. Dont get any funny ideas about me being scared of drunk people. I just get into this mood of feeling sorry for people who are drunk, like there lives are so sorry that they need to drink to the point of forgetting what actually happened that night. I know its not like that, but my from my view – I wouldn't go out and get so pissed that I forget bits of what happened that night. Once again i'm only analysing my own thoughts not passing judgement on anyone.

I remember when I was young (like 13-15) buying drinks for friends and friends of friends. Yes its against the law but I was young and looked like 18 or even 21. (Some would even say acted like it a bit) anyhow we would spend time in the field drinking cheap booze and laughing about silly stuff while trying to get it going with girls from other schools (we honestly thought all girls from speedwell were so umm, similar in nature). Anyway, all i'm saying is things have not changed much from those days… Maybe I had not thought this out enough, but I was thinking the older you get the less, getting legless and would be appealing. Actually come to think about it, what is it about getting off your face which is fun or worth doing over and over again?

Ok backpedling or digging myself a even more deeper hole. I actually do drink but I dont drink any kind of Beer, Stout, Ale, etc. I do however like a nice red wine while eating and anything with vodka when out for the night. Which would include all those alcopops, yumm yumm. But seriously, I drink very slowly and take it easy. It also helps that Vodka doesnt have much of an effect on me, so I will never have a hangover or throw up because of it alone – specially when mixed with something soft. Anyway where was I going with all this? Oh yes – you can hardly tell when i'm drunk because I dont become this nasty staggering not making sense temporary burden to other people which other people can be.

Anyhow, I hope this has all made some sense, and i'm not pointing at anyone or any groups, just generally saying I hate the anti-social mentality of drunks and honestly if push came to shove. Like the anti-smoking debate I wouldnt never ban drinking it wouldnt make any sense to do so. But the idea of seperate places is appealing to me at least. I would rather go to a cafe or a juice bar where it wont be filled with drunks falling over each other. Ok enough, i'm sure people will either hate me, be worried to talk to me or think i'm really nasty for saying what I said. But seriously if you've read this and have a comment please write it on the blog, email me or even stop and talk to me about it. Dont feel like i'm talking about you… because trust me i'm actually not.

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Yes I am fucking terrified of needles. But once again, maybe like 3 times in the last month I have been ill with Flu like symptoms. Sarah assures me that I should have a flu vaccine jab. But she will never ever understand what its like to have such a fear run your life.

I remember I could never watch Trainspotting all the way through because I was so terrified that they would show a needle in someones arm. To that effect the pulp fiction scene where they jam the needle into Mia Wallance (Uma thurman) reduced me to hiding behind the sofa for the rest of the movie. And you know what is odd, I can take anything else but not if it involves a needle.
I choose not to go into past doctor and hospital appointments regarding injections because the stories actually bring back the terror I've come across. Lets say one thing, have you ever been stabbed in the finger with a needle when you were not looking by a doctor? didn't think so…

So what am I going to do about it all? I know I'm going to have to take a shot at some point soon, I'm going to recommend they knock me out first. You know sleeping gas, hit over the head, what ever as long as I dont see or feel the needle going into my arm. I've also been considering the fact of being drunk when I get my next injection, as I wouldn't feel it so much and would be powerless to do anything about it. Next up, brut force. I need like 3 guys to hold my arm down and stop me from moving while the doctor or nurse quickly gives me an injection.

Things I dont understand, why oh why do they have to give you a shot in your arm or your bottom? whats wrong with the leg? Is this the only way to give flu vaccine and other types of vaccines? couldn't I take pills over the course of a month or something else. Seriously I would rather take a pill up my arse that take a shot in my arm. OK and what ever happened to those air vacuum sprays which spray through your skin? I would pay for the privilege of using one of those if it meant I didn't need to have an injection.
I really hate it when people just write off off my fear, there are many people with this fear and you cant just get over it!

Obviously none of this covers giving blood for a blood test, but seriously I can not imagine anything worst than giving blood. Even taking a shot in the arm for a vaccine. For everyone who knows me and may think its funny to show me a needle in real life, let me tell you now its not funny and its not clever. If you threaten me with it you may be suprised when you see rage in my eyes and I will put you down for doing so.

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South London teenagers + Halloween = Big Trouble in little beckenham

My poor poor neighbours. There a family of 2 parents and 2 teenage daughters aged 15 and 17. Anyway there the sweetest family you can live next to. So it wasn't a problem when Sue (the mum) said to me and Sarah, Holli (15yr daughter) was allowed to have a halloween party with a load of friends we thought nothing much of it. I mean we were planning to be at another party anyway. Luckily Sarah was ill and we couldn't go and we convinced Sue to stay in our house as she wanted to be in ear shot distance if anything happened.

Around 8pm the music started, and it wasn't loud. I mean I could have turned my cinema amp on and blasted theres away. Anyhow, we were enjoying Daily shows when the first lot of guests started turning up. I'll stick to calling them guest at this moment.
By 2045 there were alot of people in our neighbours upstairs flat. Sue started turning some guys away if they didn't know whose party it was, which was a very good thing, as we could have had another 20 people upstairs who knew noone.

By 2100, it was in full swing and there people outside the back smoking and drinking, while others packed the flat and front garden wall. Things were getting busy. Anyway, I offered to pick up some other guests from the tram station about the same time. When I returned, Sarah was very upset because the guests had been throwing glass bottles out the top window into our garden. She told them to knock it off, but they started aiming it at her and our dog. So she went to tell Holli what she thought of her guests. I guess things got really heated as the guests got really cheeky and didn't respond well to be told off by an adult.

At the same time, Sue and Sarah called 999 as some of the uninvited guests wouldn't leave. Pat (the husband) had come back too, and was trying to eject people from the party. Only problem was that they wouldn't go. Actually the group of about 20-30 boys would try getting in around the back and through the front. Finally getting everyone to the front, they still wouldn't leave.

I swore it felt like ages the standoff, but finally the police came. First 2 cars, then 3 more then a unmarked SUV. At first I thought it was overkill, but even with 9 police officers, they were outnumbered 3 to 1. Luckily most of them choose to walk off when the 2nd lot came.

The damage was unbelievable. The guests had thrown everything and I seriously mean everything out of the windows. Toothbrushes, toothpaste, Hair products, the bathroom plug, reading glasses, photos, potted plants, Cans, Butter, Frozen Peas, Fruit, Jam, Milk, etc… Out the windows. They had burned hole through the carpet with fag ends, been sick on the older daughters A-level certificates and bed, ripped down pictures and curtains.The Carpets were black with mud and some idiots broke eggs behind appliances, put crisps in the kettle and fish where it was warm in the house.
Yes makes you think a few times before considering to have kids I bet.

There was something else which happened on the same night which I cant talk about because its still part of a police investigate. All I can say is a very angry dad came knocking around 0300 Sunday morning and me and my neighbours are glad the police were there to divert the anger. The party will be far from over for one teenage girl for the rest of her life. I just hope justice is served swiftly…

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Something comes along and flatterns your world…

Very much in a reflective mood. As the title suggests, something comes along or creeps up and flatterns your world. And I mean really flatterns it. You can help but feel tiny in the sea of change which just hit you. It wakes you from your dream like state and makes you realise that the world is not as you figured out in your own head.

My piorities have been missed placed and I thought everything was going to be fine, but its not. Now I'm swimming against the tide trying to play catch up. But this isnt a game, this is life its self. And I'm just learning that now.

As for the less abstract part of this entry. Well I've been thinking, I adore technology but what has it done for my life? Well this isnt the time to break out the tin foil hat and hide in the desert. For me personally its done alot of good things over the years, like equalise the playing ground for me, its made my voice and views transportable throught the internet, etc, etc. fine but what about other things like install linux on my workstation at home? When I was running windows XP all the applications I was running were pretty much open source or simular. And althought I do follow the ideas of the free software movement and others. I'm simply closing the door on other much more important things in my life. Its not just a matter of juggling things to do, its about getting your piroities right and decating attention to them. I've been spreading myself far too thinly and juggling too many things for far too long. Now its all colapsed and I'm left trying to pickup the pieces, except some of the pieces are unrepairable and even lost.

I always thought its just what i do, but its not what I do well. I always thought I was in control of the technology but maybe in some cases I'm being ruled by the technology? Now is the time to do some of the things I always wanted to do, but never dare admit to myself. I'm looking back, and wondering how I could make a construct so deep that it even fools myself, as well as others around me?

While grab at pieces around me, I'm so sure of which bits of my life I can and cannot afford to lose. Its quite amazing how clear it is now. I just wish it was as simple as I'm making it sound in this entry. Believe me, Its so clear now… but too late….

I know if it all goes as it looks right now, I'll be forever thinking why did I let block some things out while letting in others? Was I seduced by the digital lifestyle or something else? Is it even fair to blame technology when its all in my head and not the only thing to blame (myself)? I actually passed all the guilt and blame stage ages ago, and I am trying to building myself a better and true to myself lifestyle now. Just wish I did this years ago…

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Autumn in the garden

leaves by Joshc

Sorry if you've been having problems with my blog over the last few days. I'm having to tidy up issues which include falling leaves in the garden. But seriously, I've upgraded my blojsom recently and not followed the instructions on upgrading. My own fault, should be solved by tonight.

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Dissertation time again…

I felt really honoured last year when Nick, Richard and others interviewed me for there dissertations. And once again I'm glad to help in my own way my ex-students on there dissertations. I encouraged them all this year to use the power of the internet and more specificly blogging to build up there dissertations. Well unfortually a couple of them have embrased the idea but none of them have used the blog format to build up sections.

Kelvin – kelchashock wins an award for the most un-google-friendly site to search for. Anyway Kelvins synopsis is actually quite good and sells it to me for sure, bearing in mind I've only read the first paragraph so far.

Ben – Bens design doesnt seem to be up at the moment but he's got quite a few comments to his ideas right from the start. Its just a crying shame he doesnt put up more content for people to get there teeth into.

Some credit has to go to Harry, Ben and JC for getting in touch via IM or/and Email to ask me questions about there subjects. Lets hope they get there blogs sorted soon…

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Long time no see, at the bbc…

In blogging terms I havent blogged for ages…
Dont worry I got lots to blog, just been busy working on the copyright vs community lectures, been away on the BBC's upfront training and development programme which included a stay in the Hilton metropole without web access. Not please about that. I've also been studying for my motorbike theory test, which I'm pleased to say I passed 34/35. Know exactly which answer I got wrong too. Umm and on top of all that I'm a little nervious about talking too much about the BBC because I dont want to end up like a others I know plus I'm not sure if it counts as a conflict of interest. Saying that tom coats seem to get away with it ok. Maybe I'm being too paranoid about it?
Anyway blogs to come soon…

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I’m off to work at the BBC

Yes yesterday I was offered a great job at BBC World Service and of course I took it. So I will be leaving Ravensbourne College behind for now, but I will still be hopefully involved with the Interaction design course even if its just regular checkups on students. I was also offered another position today, but for BBCi's iCan which I had to turned down.

Just wanted to say thanks to all which made my 5 years in Ravensbourne College enjoyable, challenging and interesting.

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Happy New year to everyone…

Sorry to all who missed Cubicgarden over the christmas holiday. Its been along holiday away, and I thought I'd solved the hardware fault on the server. But nope it went down and never came back up…Anyway it should now be solved, as I think its the graphcs card and I've swapped that out now.

Luckly I got lots to blog from my holiday in America. Here are a few,
Minneapolis/St Paul skybridges and public transport, International GPRS roaming, Will america ever embrace texting, Will america ever use bluetooth, Real HDTV, Cheaper PVRs, Great customer services state side, Bearing weapons in the twin cities, the Fbi story, alongside others.

Unfortually I have little time because I got a talk on Monday. So expect more after Monday and I will start looking though my feeds soon as I can. Because I saw some very interesting developments while I was away. Till then check out my photos online.

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Category changes ahead

I'm going to make some serious changes to my cubicgarden blog categorys. At the moment I have too many and the information archtecture has been bugging me for months now. Specially now I'm using the same archtecture for my feeds. So please update any links you may have soon as I make the changes and I will try to do the same to internal links.

Oh note, I've upgraded to Blojsom 2.02, so you search via xpath, try out the Trackback Auto-discovery and post in privicy knowing your email is obfuscated.
Great stuff from David Czarnecki, two thumbs up.

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Getting started

Finally installed Bloxsom or I actually mean Blojsom
just need to convert all the old weblogs over to the new format then we'll be ready to change over the website.
Shame I cant control the file dates better.

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