Thoughts and ideas of a dyslexic designer/developer
Straight out of Alice in Wonderland, I thought I’d give my work colleages a try of Mr.Basil’s Pomegranate basil seed drink. Which to be honest I thought was super weird and tasted like how I imagine drinking bubble tea is but weirder.
Think I need to stop drinking this pic.twitter.com/NVpEP0xkqZ
— Ian Forrester (@cubicgarden) March 20, 2016
Of course social commentary was added before long…
Well done that person…
To celebrate Manchester Community Games Day
Moss Side Volleyball club are hosting a FREE volleyball session. Its open to all Manchester residents this Easter Saturday.
ALL WELCOME (over 18’s only), male/female, young/old, experienced or total novice!
Moss side is a very friendly mixed club! proud of our inclusive culture with players from all corners of the world!
Here is a chance to see and play, all those friends who ask me about volleyball! (You know who you are)
Moss Side Leisure Centre between 3pm – 5pm on Saturday 26th March.
Out of the blue I got a message from the mysterious Sam. I have known Sam for a while and sometimes we have chats in coffee shops while I work on Fridays. We are quite different characters and that always makes the discussions we have interesting, sometimes too interesting as I’m slightly distracted from my work.
@martinrue @cubicgarden May I cordially invite you to a 6-person meal a la https://t.co/5REjxCkprf? No time / place, just interest scoping.
— Sam T (@sammotea) March 18, 2016
I was a bit busy when I got it, doing user testing on visual perceptive media (paper coming) but later in the day, I checked it out.
Second degree dinners is a concept by Nat Eliason while getting to know interesting people in a new city.
Four months ago I moved to Austin knowing no one in the city but my 9 coworkers and a couple of acquaintances.
The problem I immediately needed to solve was:
“How do I find interesting new people?”
I tried Meetups, bars, events, all the typical places. But in almost every case, the return on investment in terms of “interesting people met” to “time spent” was terrible.
The best way to find people seemed to be to meet someone interesting, then try to meet as many of their close friends as possible.
But getting your friends (especially new ones) to throw parties or invite you out to things doesn’t scale and makes you feel needy, so how do you get looped into everyone’s friend network at once?
Ok the quantification of time vs effort in this case is a little awkward. But he does have a point. This is something I found when I moved from London to Manchester and in part when moving from Bristol to London.
I guess if you quantified the time, it would be pretty poor but I got to do crazy things like eat at every single Chinese restaurant in London’s China town over a period of a year. Good use of time, well I guess not but heck I enjoyed most of them. Quantification of enjoyment and experience is hard to do…
But back to the point!
What is a Second-Degree Dinner
A Second-Degree Dinner brings together 6 people who, mostly, don’t know each other.
There are two “hosts.” Both hosts invite someone who they enjoy spending time with and that they think is interesting.
Then, both of their invitees are expected to invite someone that they think is interesting and send them the invitation as well.
This way, the two hosts and the two initial invitees only know two other people at the dinner. They get to meet three new people.
The second-degree invitations will know only one person and get to meet four.
Best of all, you’re only meeting pre-vetted people. No weirdos, not some rando who’s trying to sell you on their social media consulting, only cool people.
Once the dinner starts, everyone goes around and says:
- Who they are
- Where they’re from
- What they’re working on
- Something they’re excited about. It could be a new book, app, relationship, anything that has them jazzed up.
The intros usually happen during ordering / getting drinks. It’s a good way to break the ice, make sure that everyone knows each others’ names, and give a bit of a background for the next portion.
Then the real fun begins. You go back around the circle, and each person talks about one thing that they’re struggling with or that’s a challenge in their life.
@sammotea not read completely but sounds great… Like something i did a while ago. I'm so in depending on date. @martinrue
— Ian Forrester (@cubicgarden) March 18, 2016
As soon as I read this, I thought of Me & Jodys dating idea where we have 8 strangers together for dinner with each other. It was similar an idea and we called it the starter, but romance was the core reason for them being put together. We did a test run with friends and it worked quite well, everybody seemed to have a good time and the feedback agreed with this. Yes its similar to Table8 but they are not the first to think of bring singles together in a group blind date type thing.
Unfortunately when we actually tried to run it at the Manchester flirty weekend, we failed to get enough men to sign up. We actually had 32 women! signed up and waiting and only one man (not including myself)! I’m actually suprised I haven’t wrote about this but I did spill the beans in a Lovegrumps podcast a while back. and my let down in mankind.
So I know this can work and I’ll actively be encouraging Sam to make it happen, even if I have to arrange most of it myself (ha!). Talking of which Nat has lot of tips on how to go about this. Lots are very much the social event stuff I’ve picked up running things like geekdinners, barcamps, etc.
I especially like…
Be Vulnerable First
As the host of the event, it’s your job to set the tone for how open everyone can be. You should share first during the workshop, and you should open yourself up through your challenge. Talk about an insecurity, weakness, fear, something that people wouldn’t expect a stranger to be comfortable talking about.
It’s scary, but people appreciate the openness and respond in kind. If you just talk about something very surface level, then no one else will open up either.
I’m not sure what Sam’s plans are but if he wants to make it a monthly thing, I wouldn’t say no. Thanks for highlighting this to me, I like it a lot and more I think about it, the more it makes me more excited and happy. I got a whole ton of people I could invite along but it all depends on the details.
Serendipity don’t you just love it?
Will you find more interesting people through this idea?
Most likely yes. Friends of friends is one of the best networks you have access to, this has been tested and proven to death. Add a level of serendipity and you are on to something. This why social networks are so popular and young people (use?) to find dates through friends of friends
Its important that the people are interesting in themselves (as in they are interesting, not in them-self). I have ideas about this which I wrote up in a follow up to Russell Davis’ original post. It was wonderful to talk about this at BarCampManchester6 and have katrina patel blog her thoughts afterwards.
Interesting people attract interesting people I’m sure… Its a attractor, like positive people tend to attract positive people?
I haven’t written on the Single Black Male blog for a long while, but I still read and keep thinking about adding a different viewpoint on the subject in hand. The guys behind it are a good bunch and its always interesting reading the emails back/forth.
One such post recently spiked my interest. Is Celibate The New Single?
To which I say no… and then;
Have you ever had one of those intimate conversations that just could go on forever? You don’t even realize the hours that have flown by, but your cheeks hurt from smiling and you can’t stop blushing? You share parts of yourself in ways you hadn’t expected, or maybe even experienced. You feel truly known, and you truly know the person across from you: dreams, goals, loves, everything. You are known intimately – not known physically just yet – and even though you’re ready, you’re not in a rush. Imagine if this were the core of your relationship; this love you always express, and this lust you haven’t tapped into. Imagine being intimately and truly seduced, before having sex.
Yes… this is what I call intimacy, and it doesn’t need to be tied to sex.
Unfortunately the rest of the post talks/links in a load of celebrity couples I’ve never heard of. I couldn’t really care less about them but I think its misguided to call it celibacy.
These things all exist on a spectrum, including intimacy.
You can have physical intimacy, cognitive intimacy, activity intimacy and emotional intimacy. I’m sure there are more… I have a feeling there is tangible link with the 6 different types of love.
Interestingly…
It’s 2016, and we may be in a new era of singledom. Actually, maybe it’s the old days of being single coming back around, full-circle. There’s something kind of poetic in knowing you have touched every part of a person’s soul before you’ve touched their body.
I get the cycle argument, I have even talked about the cycle back and forth within online dating between physical and mental. However, to the point of singletons, its always been there. People have found intimacy over the internet, via text, in the street, while at meetups, in many different ways. Its doesn’t sound sexy (pun intended) but it just happens.
Singletons are not subscribing to celibacy, they are doing what comes naturally by finding intimacy in different ways. Some find it through physical means, some through mental means. Little has changed, and if it has its certainly not because people have decided celibacy is the only option.
By knowing a person in every way but sexually, and saving that for last, the foundation of the relationship just seems stronger, more stable, almost even … sexier.
There is no right or wrong, its what works for you and the potential partner(s). If celibacy is that, then great. But to claim that the new celibacy is the new singletons is frankly ridiculous on so many levels.
There is a iffy smell of religion running through the single black male post. I know its American focus and it wouldn’t be the first time but I wanted to say, its great they highlighted things but the conclusion seems off the mark. Singletons are not
I decided after my TEDxManchester Talk, that enough is enough its about time I stopped talking about my dating stories and just
started posting them. So I bought a domain name – datingyarns.com and setup a tumblr blog on it. As it says, its fictional dating stories based on real experiences. I change peoples names, change places and maybe combine the start of one date with the end of another in the rare case, as most don’t need much crafting at all. I’m mainly changing them to stop myself being sued or causing upset to those involved.
Its also not going to be anything like the tale of Jared Rutledge or even 52 First dates. Nobody will be picketed outside vivid lounge calling for my castration (I hope). Its more like no bad dates just good stories but with very dates stories?
I was thinking about posting them here on cubicgarden.com but I decided I really wanted to have others post their yarns/stories/tales too. As some of them are far better/tragic than the experiences I have had.
Its all a bit of fun (a good yarn) and I hope you will enjoy the stories and have fun working out which bits are fictional and not. You will be very surprised… Maybe I’ll meta blog about a few of them sometime.
My first yarn/chapter/story is up and its called Everybody lies online right?
Enjoy! I have many more where that came from…
I find myself in Lagos, Portugal. and the air is warm at 20c during the day although the nights are pretty cold at almost 4c. Almost perfect weather for practising diabolo skills. Shame I didn’t include going to another country in those
Make a massive difference from the rain swept Manchester I left a while ago.
People forced to move out of brand new city centre apartments: https://t.co/KW0UW6LY3I
— Manchester News MEN (@MENnewsdesk) March 1, 2016
The Manchester evening news broke the story today that people in Islington Wharf Mews are being told that they will have to leave their homes for a good part of a year.
People are being forced to move out of a brand new city centre apartment block – because it breaks fire safety rules. Many of the residents in Islington Wharf Mews, on the edge of the city centre, had only bought their waterside properties last year.
But it soon emerged that their newly-built homes were not properly fireproofed. The M.E.N. understands they now have to move out for up to 10 months while the defect is fixed.
Yes ISIS waterside development hadn’t fireproofed the new apartments to the safety standards required by law!
This is frankly not only shocking but a total disgrace; putting many peoples lives in danger. I’m glad this was discovered or revealed before something happened and people died!
Of course as a home owner of ISIS waterside’s Islington Wharf (phase 1) I’m happy to finally see some press attention about the on going shocking state of the heat gain problem in the apartments. This was not taken lightly, with the worry about the affect on property value of course.
Meanwhile the same developer – ISIS Waterside – is also embroiled in a row with people living in the first phase of the development next door. People living in Islington Wharf, which was built in 2008, say they are considering legal action because temperatures soared to more than 35C in their flats every summer. The developer is planning to replace the windows and temporary air conditioning units have been handed out.
This is also pretty much true, its the number one reason why people leave the apartments. We have seen reports of things melting into sofas and temperature reports with photographic evidence of closer to 40c a few years back (we have them backed up). Yes its nice not having to put the heating on in winter but at least my flat is liveable in summer. Some residents have rooms with no chance to open windows!
There have been many tests, and I even had some equipment in my flat testing the heat in the past. Every-time, they (ISIS and others) all pretty much agree something needs to be done. However the proposals to the committee (which I am a part of) have been poor, short-sighted and full of holes.
The air conditioning units were/are temporary till a sustainable long term solution is found. The committee will not be pushed into a solution which ultimately is bad for everybody involved (we have meeting minutes also backed up), but we have been working very hard to make this a reality.
Its worth saying a few things…
The heat problem affects roughly half of Islington Wharf, I’m not affected as my flat faces the sun in the morning and evening only (by pure chance not by design or choice). Islington wharf has had many problems in the past including the terrible communal boiler system, but things have gotten better with a new management company, Revolution.ISIS have been granted approval to build the 3rd phase of Islington Wharf, very much against the Islington Wharf committees support and many of the residents.Its my view that, their track record across Islington Wharf Mews, Granary Wharf (I remember their was a serious problem a few years back, but cant find anything about it now, maybe results have been removed?) and of course Islington Wharf. Should be a clear sign to put the 3rd phase on hold till the other issues are actually sorted out and the residents are happy. No matter what Nigel Franklin, Director of ISIS Waterside Regeneration thinks or says…
…a game in which nice single people are roped into a horrible game with others, resulting in cognitive overload, shocking manners, narcissism, algorithmic prejudice, financial loss and decisions based purely on appearances.
…a game in which nice single people are roped into a horrible game with others, resulting in cognitive overload, shocking manners, narcissism, algorithmic prejudice, financial loss and decisions based purely on appearances.
I’m just back from TedxManchester which was at homemcr, where I gave a presentation about onlne dating and some of the things I’ve observed about it. I believe I’m the first person to publicilly ask for a date from a Tedx stage.
Today is the day – Dating against humanity my #tedxmcr talk – https://t.co/GqhEO7g586
— Ian Forrester (@cubicgarden) February 14, 2016
It went well but I did have to speed up at the end, which did mean loosing some of my connecting points.
Maybe I’ll do a full breakdown of my thoughts but for now here’s some of the higher level ones.
Great TedX once again by Herb Kim and the thinking digital crew.
It was so apt, giving such a talk on valentines day…
I’ll write a review of the other great talks in a few days time, but I wanted to post up the slides as so many people have asked me about them.
2.5 hrs on phone w @cubicgarden discussing his @TEDxManchester #TEDxMCR talk tonight. Looking forward to it! 🙂 https://t.co/HBvd2T2GkX
— Herb Kim (@herbkim) February 7, 2016
Normal blogging will resume after this weekend. Honest!
The Lovegrumps is finally back, with a critical eye on dating apps. Ideal 2 weeks before I stand on stage at TedXManchester and talk about online dating and much more.
We’re back after almost a year of silence, this time to talk about those new fangled dating apps… with Ian, Hwayoung, Tom and David..
Mpeg3 and Ogg on Archive.org
