Tag: grief

Facing redundancy with a list of tasks

Eugen Rochko and Myself at Fosdem 2025
Eugen Rochko and Myself at Fosdem 2025

I wrote a blog post about how I have been since August 2024, when I first learned my position at BBC R&D was at risk and likely to close. Now its March and a lot has happened…

My position is still going to close and I have taken redundancy, which means I will leave at the end of March 2025. I had a stupid amount of leave to take and spend most of my time off. When I put in for the holidays it felt like a long time away but its come super quickly, along with my leaving date.

My huge task list for planning things out is still in action but with a lot of adjustments. I didn’t really account for the heavy amount of what I will call general zuck and how it zaps time away. Either way, I have done quite a bit.

Some things I have been up to.

I spoke at the first united artist AI social club which was good, yesterday talked about social media and digital legacy at the Children’s Media foundation coffee chat and have agreement to do some lecturing later in the year. I can’t say yet but I will become an adviser for a special EU project and will be a large part of a major festival later this year. There might be a second one with a very good friend, which I’m also keeping tight lipped about (fingers crossed on that one). Theres also a very related author who I’m in touch with who could really make this all have huge impact.

Ian practising diaboloing in the dying sunset

I have been working up some of my side projects including DJ hackday and the Adaptive podcasting applied to music is gaining some traction.
The dating book I mentioned previously is super close to being finished with feedback taken on board and the understanding the first edition is always going to be bad and have a ton of errors you can fix in the second and third editions. The book will include something special to keep the conversation going. I finally setup Gitea to finally deal with all the versioning as it was getting out of hand! I also stuck a bunch of my other markdown projects into it too including my Markdown CV, Markwhen, etc. On the digital legacy front, I have news but I’ll share that soon as things are announced.

Part of the redundancy from the BBC includes outplacement options once I’m officially given my formal notice. I was filling my limited spare time over the festival holidays with my family, seeing friends, writing my CV’s, life after layoff and Linkedin learning till I learned I will still have linkedin learning after I leave with the BBC outplacement service.
There is something I wouldn’t have access to a small amount of formal training funding, so looked into my options. I considered my declarative, linked data and semantic web background; considered my design background and even project management. However it became clear what would really help is coaching, as I had some incredible coaching after my brush with death. This was going to be very expensive and heavy going but I made it happen with help from my line manager, BBC HR and access to work being dyslexic. I was able to get leadership coaching over the last month. Unfortunately its only available while I still working for the BBC and that has means some long intense sessions every week and homework. Its been excellent and very glad I could make it happen right at the end of my BBC employment. Certainly best use of my time at this moment…This and going on holiday to Malta with my partner.

Ian and my partner in Malta with the sunset behind them
Myself and my partner in Malta

As I am just shy of 21 years at the BBC (weeks shy) I am never going quietly (into the night) and have setup 4 different events for my leaving. 2 in London and 2 in Manchester. Each city has a general drinks/snacks, then a smaller sit down meal. I know it seems over the top but as its close to my birthday too, so its a double reason to celebrate.
You could say why are you arranging your own leaving party’s?
But honestly with the amount of people leaving BBC R&D and different people with different plans, some to leave quietly some less so. Its just easier on everyone to arrange it myself (of course with help from colleges who are not leaving of course).

If you didn’t get the invite, let me know via email or the fediverse. Its been hard to remember who to send this all to…

A key part I have been doing is sorting out how I manage this all, because although tasks lists are ok this just don’t work for me as a long term sustainable solution. I do love Kanban’s (as I call it kambams) and used Trello in the past a lot. Then I switched to Microsoft planner at work which was awful but just about usable. Combined with the need have self control over this all… I started looking at self-hosting Planka on Yunohost. (Bearing in mind, I have been looking into knowledge management systems for awhile.

My old Dell XPS 12 with a lot of stickers on the lid
I attempted to put Yunohost on my old Dell XPS 12. Those stickers are a trip through history

I have enjoyed Yunohost and bought a cheap Intel NUC PC on ebay for this and other applications I want to host them using docker but they were tricky on my Qnap NAS. I also do have Yunohost on a Raspberry PI 5 but I realised some apps need a AMD64 environment and with a always on VPN I can run and use them anywhere? I also looked at Wekan and keep trying to get Vikunja working.

But back to where I am…

The biggest issue right now is prioritising what I do, how much I setup now and redo after my leaving date. There are things like buying a new laptop I had to do and have decided to not include any work related stuff on to including Microsoft Edge, One drive syncing and Slack (although I do use slack for other communities so that will change). I have my PAC code for my work phone, so I can move that number soon enough.
I had planned to drive around on the scooter and see friends but the weather in the UK has been bad for riding and frankly its something I can do after April.

Private cocktails in a bar in Amsterdam

That’s where I am right now…

Focus on leadership coaching, finish up work (future of social report), write some recommendations for BBC R&D, a intriguing final email (maybe also in audio), lean in on the different opportunities from my network, have a great time at the leaving parties for March/April. Finally I should switch my Linkedin to open to work maybe?

I do plan to take a break straight afterwards for my birthday and the Easter holidays. Then I’m back and will be in touch with many of you, as the scooter is ready to go.

Yes I am looking at where to go next but I’m carefully looking at options, rather than jumping to the next place. I am very aware there are a lot people being made redundant, its rough out there. I can only rely on my network and unique skills to find my next steps.

How things have been since August 2024?

Ian Forrester profile

BBC restructuring isn’t anything new, there have been so many over the 20.5 years, I have been there. However, this time the changes have directly affected my role and position in R&D. BBC R&D is restructuring for many reasons which is way outside the scope of this personal post. The cuts are deep and sadly I am one of the people who was told at the start of August, that my position is at risk to close.

As you can imagine, this caused great stress and worry.

During the rest of the summer, I spoke to many friends, family, colleagues (current and previous) and of course my partner. I sought much advice to understand what I could do and make sense of my unsteady position. It was all a shock, I went through the grief cycle twice. Once at the start of August and then again when things became clear during my career consultation in November when things changed from likely to absolute.

Some of the best advice I had included, “Tell people” which I have been doing just not so publicly till now. “Sit like Buddha” don’t do anything rash and be clear-headed when making decisions.

Ian PORTRAIT at work

This week it was made official…

I’m writing to confirm that you have been selected for redundancy. This means that unless you
find alternative employment in the BBC, your employment will be terminated on the grounds of redundancy.

The decision to take compulsory redundancy is mine after a lot of thinking and looking at what I value and want to focus on in the future. I will leave the BBC R&D on good terms wishing everyone the best. I’ll work for another quarter, leaving in March but have a lot of holidays to take and have things which I want to finish.

I will no longer be the BBC R&D Senior Firestarter which is sad as I built and crafted the position. Then became well-known for it. But using a quote in full…

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

Helen Keller

Myself working in a coffee shop looking at my laptop

Over the last quarter; I stopped looking back and created a whole task list of items to manage the stress and gain some control over my future. I used it to manage, plan and focus. All while looking at where my values, talents and skills can have the most impact.

With my markdown CV in hand, I can honestly say I am open to new opportunities and considering taking forward a number of personal projects over the coming year; including the open-sourced Adaptive podcasting/music, Digital legacy/death, finishing my book, the related Ethical dating & matching rethink and some of my 2025 resolutions, while having a well-needed series of mini holidays/breaks.

There is a lot more I want to say about the unique culture created in BBC R&D, the amazing people I work/worked with, and some stories I’d like to share wider but I’ll save all that till later in 2025.

But here are a couple quotes I was reminded of over the last few months, both from Buckminster Fuller

“I’m not a genius. I’m just a tremendous bundle of experience.”

“The minute you choose to do what you really want to do, it’s a different kind of life.”

I think 2025 is full of doors, which might need simply a knock.

When to take a break from online dating

Online Dating. Oh Yeah.

Northen Lass 32 spilled the beans and part of her heart out in her latest article.

A few months down the line, it hasn’t worked out with Mr Facestalk and I. Sadly it seems our paths are not aligned and our future selves wanted different stuff. Rather than crying onto my laptop, which I’ve done in the past – straight onto the trackpad, sending the mouse on an independent clicking frenzy powered by nothing but my salty misery. No, I can’t afford to replace that again. So I’ll simply turn to the wise words uttered by the oracles that are Orbital in their 1990s dance classic Satan: “It’s better to regret something you have done, than something you haven’t” How deep is that for a 90s rave tune?!

Deep enough I would say. The problem Northen Lass has besides the wicked tunes (don’t ever knock rave) is this…

Dating becomes less about getting to know one person properly, and more about dating the shit out of a 40-mile radius of your postcode, resulting in serial daters, on sites for years in a continuous state of “BUT WHAT ABOUT THE NEXT ONE?!”. It may not have been why they initially signed up, but the overwhelming urge to act like a kid in a sweetshop prevails and the paradox of choice sets in.

And just how do you choose who to date? How do you filter out those not suitable, ending up with your dream human? You know the one, the one that farts butterflies and rides a unicorn to work? With help from the website’s compatibility robot, it could be easy to discount someone you could really get on with based on some fairly superficial filtering options – and start to develop expectations of the perfect match a little outside the bounds of reality and good old chemistry.

We all go through it, start dating someone who really care for and invest heavily in. Maybe even introduce them to friends and family, you meet there friends and family. Its all looking good. Then… it all goes to pot, something happens and before you know whats hit you, its that awkward conversation about breaking up, and as I once said breaking up is hard to do.

Some think you got to jump back on the horse… I think not, grief comes in 5 stages. Each can blind you from what your trying to do. Aka find a partner who you will love and they will love you.

The moment you see the whole thing as a sweetshop, your not thinking correctly about this. Heck even if you do pick someone, you may end up picking that person for the wrong reasons. There’s been a lot said about rebounding and a lot of it is true.

Like I said the first time I saw her post…

Chill and take your time, stop rushing and just let things wash over you as interesting experiences…

Another reason for non-subscription online dating, but more to the point. When your ready, go for it.

I do wonder if online dating does contribute to that paradox of choice and illusion of the greener field beyond the gate. Wait didn’t I write a blog post about this? Oh yes…

On the side, I’ll be on BBC Merseyside again with Northern Lass talking about the issue of how much you share with someone your dating at what stage. This may become part of a single black male piece soon.