The Chemistry of Love and all that jazz

Girl Geekdinner Brussels

So I've not really said much about my love life for a long time. You know its been a year since I've been single and I've been thinking about love and what makes a good quality relationship for a while now. When Carl Honore stood up at thinking digital conference and talked about the slow movement I was thinking hummm maybe there are some things i should be slowing down on. But the talk which really got me thinking was Helen Fisher's talk on the chemistry of love. Then Kate sent me a link to the a wired article which I did see the first time, but never blogged due the situation I was in, it didn't seem wise to blog about it. < href="">The 10 Real Reasons Why Geeks Make Better Lovers.

When I first read the wired piece I thought it was going to be crud, but actually it turns out to be quite interesting and quite fair….

  • Geeks build it so you will come

  • Geeks get personal with tech

    Geeks dig consensual role playing/li>
    Geeks interact/li>
    Geeks get things done/li>
    Geeks are hot …/li>

  • Geeks don't shock easily/li>
    cGeeks know kinky people/li>>>

  • Geeks understand multi-dimensional relationships/li>
  • Geeks aren't threatened by new tech or “the future of sex/li>

For example here's two which spring to mindd out of the long list of 10. So on the purely odd front, geeks don't shock easily and geeks know kinky people.

Geeks have seen all the porn you can imagine and then some, priming them to be open to your sexual peccadilloes. They are not only less likely to be shocked by your exotic requests — they might not even realize that other people think your turn-ons are exotic.

Conversely, your geek lover might be relieved that your wildest fantasy involves only two other people, five utensils and a trapeze.

Geeks haven't just seen a variety of positions, kinks and fetishes in blue movies. They know (or are) people who enjoy those things, so they don't dismiss entire categories of sexual interests as the sole province of a bunch of weirdos in San Francisco.

It's hard to sustain prejudice and bias against an abstract group when you develop relationships with individuals and discover they're just like you. It doesn't matter if they dress up like ponies, or refuse to conform to a societal idea of gender norms, or eat pancakes for dinner. Geek lovers know better than to try to impose their sexual preferences or standards on others — including your friends — and are more likely to love and let love.

This is very true, I've been talking to a few non-geek friends recently and I've started to wonder if I'm unshockable. At BarCampNorthEast, me and Emma Persky were talking about shocking movies and I mentioned I've never seen 2 girls 1 cup. Anyway we got talking about it and Emma was able to explain it without too much problem. Some of reactions on Youtube are classic, but back to why geeks make great lovers.

Geeks understand multi-dimensional relationships

Geeks connect with their online buddies in several guises, often getting to know the person behind the avatar as friendships deepen and move from adult communities to personal IM.

A geek can flow seamlessly between conversation about a friend's partner and kids in one window and an elaborate group sex scene in another, without feeling any discontinuity between the personas. Even if the friend is a 43-year-old father of two in IM, and a 22-year-old dominatrix in the group.

With all that going on, a geek has no problem accepting that sometimes you want mocha ripple cherry fudge chunk swirl with almonds and a waffle and sometimes you want vanilla lite.

Now this is one which I agree with but seems in conflict with what Carl Honore said about slowing down. Or maybe it isn't? I'm regularly doing that multi-dimensional thing and I find it quite natural. I do wonder how strange it looks to someone looking in from the outside. Talking of which, Cristiano alerted me to Alton Towers most stupidest move yet.

Alton Towers is testing an anti-PDA and smartphone policy during this week's half-term break with a view to a full-time ban.The ban at the popular family resort has been in operation from 25 May and will extend until 1 June during which the famous park will become a 'PDA-Free Zone'.However, Alton Towers said that if the ban is successful they will introduce it on a full-time basis.The reasoning behind the ban is to get parents to disconnect from office life and reconnect with their families.

How dare these people tell me how to live my life. If I socialise with friends via twitter on my mobile so what? Hell when I first heard about this I thought it was because of the XCFE chess stuff or the mini-videos you get of people filming ridesI mean who hasn't been stuck on AIR?). But no, its Alton towers clamping down on us who enjoy living in the multi-dimensional space.

So I've not only been sitting on my sofa thinking about this stuff, nope I've been out and about including yes believe it or not on a couple of dates. Nothing to report yet however. So back to pondering.

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Author: Ianforrester

Senior firestarter at BBC R&D, emergent technology expert and serial social geek event organiser. Can be found at, and