Category: just-plain-life

Yes I am fucking terrified of needles. But once again, maybe like 3 times in the last month I have been ill with Flu like symptoms. Sarah assures me that I should have a flu vaccine jab. But she will never ever understand what its like to have such a fear run your life.

I remember I could never watch Trainspotting all the way through because I was so terrified that they would show a needle in someones arm. To that effect the pulp fiction scene where they jam the needle into Mia Wallance (Uma thurman) reduced me to hiding behind the sofa for the rest of the movie. And you know what is odd, I can take anything else but not if it involves a needle.
I choose not to go into past doctor and hospital appointments regarding injections because the stories actually bring back the terror I've come across. Lets say one thing, have you ever been stabbed in the finger with a needle when you were not looking by a doctor? didn't think so…

So what am I going to do about it all? I know I'm going to have to take a shot at some point soon, I'm going to recommend they knock me out first. You know sleeping gas, hit over the head, what ever as long as I dont see or feel the needle going into my arm. I've also been considering the fact of being drunk when I get my next injection, as I wouldn't feel it so much and would be powerless to do anything about it. Next up, brut force. I need like 3 guys to hold my arm down and stop me from moving while the doctor or nurse quickly gives me an injection.

Things I dont understand, why oh why do they have to give you a shot in your arm or your bottom? whats wrong with the leg? Is this the only way to give flu vaccine and other types of vaccines? couldn't I take pills over the course of a month or something else. Seriously I would rather take a pill up my arse that take a shot in my arm. OK and what ever happened to those air vacuum sprays which spray through your skin? I would pay for the privilege of using one of those if it meant I didn't need to have an injection.
I really hate it when people just write off off my fear, there are many people with this fear and you cant just get over it!

Obviously none of this covers giving blood for a blood test, but seriously I can not imagine anything worst than giving blood. Even taking a shot in the arm for a vaccine. For everyone who knows me and may think its funny to show me a needle in real life, let me tell you now its not funny and its not clever. If you threaten me with it you may be suprised when you see rage in my eyes and I will put you down for doing so.

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My poor poor neighbours. There a family of 2 parents and 2 teenage daughters aged 15 and 17. Anyway there the sweetest family you can live next to. So it wasn't a problem when Sue (the mum) said to me and Sarah, Holli (15yr daughter) was allowed to have a halloween party with a load of friends we thought nothing much of it. I mean we were planning to be at another party anyway. Luckily Sarah was ill and we couldn't go and we convinced Sue to stay in our house as she wanted to be in ear shot distance if anything happened.

Around 8pm the music started, and it wasn't loud. I mean I could have turned my cinema amp on and blasted theres away. Anyhow, we were enjoying Daily shows when the first lot of guests started turning up. I'll stick to calling them guest at this moment.
By 2045 there were alot of people in our neighbours upstairs flat. Sue started turning some guys away if they didn't know whose party it was, which was a very good thing, as we could have had another 20 people upstairs who knew noone.

By 2100, it was in full swing and there people outside the back smoking and drinking, while others packed the flat and front garden wall. Things were getting busy. Anyway, I offered to pick up some other guests from the tram station about the same time. When I returned, Sarah was very upset because the guests had been throwing glass bottles out the top window into our garden. She told them to knock it off, but they started aiming it at her and our dog. So she went to tell Holli what she thought of her guests. I guess things got really heated as the guests got really cheeky and didn't respond well to be told off by an adult.

At the same time, Sue and Sarah called 999 as some of the uninvited guests wouldn't leave. Pat (the husband) had come back too, and was trying to eject people from the party. Only problem was that they wouldn't go. Actually the group of about 20-30 boys would try getting in around the back and through the front. Finally getting everyone to the front, they still wouldn't leave.

I swore it felt like ages the standoff, but finally the police came. First 2 cars, then 3 more then a unmarked SUV. At first I thought it was overkill, but even with 9 police officers, they were outnumbered 3 to 1. Luckily most of them choose to walk off when the 2nd lot came.

The damage was unbelievable. The guests had thrown everything and I seriously mean everything out of the windows. Toothbrushes, toothpaste, Hair products, the bathroom plug, reading glasses, photos, potted plants, Cans, Butter, Frozen Peas, Fruit, Jam, Milk, etc… Out the windows. They had burned hole through the carpet with fag ends, been sick on the older daughters A-level certificates and bed, ripped down pictures and curtains.The Carpets were black with mud and some idiots broke eggs behind appliances, put crisps in the kettle and fish where it was warm in the house.
Yes makes you think a few times before considering to have kids I bet.

There was something else which happened on the same night which I cant talk about because its still part of a police investigate. All I can say is a very angry dad came knocking around 0300 Sunday morning and me and my neighbours are glad the police were there to divert the anger. The party will be far from over for one teenage girl for the rest of her life. I just hope justice is served swiftly…

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Very much in a reflective mood. As the title suggests, something comes along or creeps up and flatterns your world. And I mean really flatterns it. You can help but feel tiny in the sea of change which just hit you. It wakes you from your dream like state and makes you realise that the world is not as you figured out in your own head.

My piorities have been missed placed and I thought everything was going to be fine, but its not. Now I'm swimming against the tide trying to play catch up. But this isnt a game, this is life its self. And I'm just learning that now.

As for the less abstract part of this entry. Well I've been thinking, I adore technology but what has it done for my life? Well this isnt the time to break out the tin foil hat and hide in the desert. For me personally its done alot of good things over the years, like equalise the playing ground for me, its made my voice and views transportable throught the internet, etc, etc. fine but what about other things like install linux on my workstation at home? When I was running windows XP all the applications I was running were pretty much open source or simular. And althought I do follow the ideas of the free software movement and others. I'm simply closing the door on other much more important things in my life. Its not just a matter of juggling things to do, its about getting your piroities right and decating attention to them. I've been spreading myself far too thinly and juggling too many things for far too long. Now its all colapsed and I'm left trying to pickup the pieces, except some of the pieces are unrepairable and even lost.

I always thought its just what i do, but its not what I do well. I always thought I was in control of the technology but maybe in some cases I'm being ruled by the technology? Now is the time to do some of the things I always wanted to do, but never dare admit to myself. I'm looking back, and wondering how I could make a construct so deep that it even fools myself, as well as others around me?

While grab at pieces around me, I'm so sure of which bits of my life I can and cannot afford to lose. Its quite amazing how clear it is now. I just wish it was as simple as I'm making it sound in this entry. Believe me, Its so clear now… but too late….

I know if it all goes as it looks right now, I'll be forever thinking why did I let block some things out while letting in others? Was I seduced by the digital lifestyle or something else? Is it even fair to blame technology when its all in my head and not the only thing to blame (myself)? I actually passed all the guilt and blame stage ages ago, and I am trying to building myself a better and true to myself lifestyle now. Just wish I did this years ago…

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Sorry if you've been having problems with my blog over the last few days. I'm having to tidy up issues which include falling leaves in the garden. But seriously, I've upgraded my blojsom recently and not followed the instructions on upgrading. My own fault, should be solved by tonight.

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I'm in Stockholm for the rest of the week, and wont be back till Tuesday. However our friends have 10meg broadband, so might beable to do a bit now and then.

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In blogging terms I havent blogged for ages…
Dont worry I got lots to blog, just been busy working on the copyright vs community lectures, been away on the BBC's upfront training and development programme which included a stay in the Hilton metropole without web access. Not please about that. I've also been studying for my motorbike theory test, which I'm pleased to say I passed 34/35. Know exactly which answer I got wrong too. Umm and on top of all that I'm a little nervious about talking too much about the BBC because I dont want to end up like a others I know plus I'm not sure if it counts as a conflict of interest. Saying that tom coats seem to get away with it ok. Maybe I'm being too paranoid about it?
Anyway blogs to come soon…

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Sorry to all who missed Cubicgarden over the christmas holiday. Its been along holiday away, and I thought I'd solved the hardware fault on the server. But nope it went down and never came back up…Anyway it should now be solved, as I think its the graphcs card and I've swapped that out now.

Luckly I got lots to blog from my holiday in America. Here are a few,
Minneapolis/St Paul skybridges and public transport, International GPRS roaming, Will america ever embrace texting, Will america ever use bluetooth, Real HDTV, Cheaper PVRs, Great customer services state side, Bearing weapons in the twin cities, the Fbi story, alongside others.

Unfortually I have little time because I got a talk on Monday. So expect more after Monday and I will start looking though my feeds soon as I can. Because I saw some very interesting developments while I was away. Till then check out my photos online.

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I'm going to make some serious changes to my cubicgarden blog categorys. At the moment I have too many and the information archtecture has been bugging me for months now. Specially now I'm using the same archtecture for my feeds. So please update any links you may have soon as I make the changes and I will try to do the same to internal links.

Oh note, I've upgraded to Blojsom 2.02, so you search via xpath, try out the Trackback Auto-discovery and post in privicy knowing your email is obfuscated.
Great stuff from David Czarnecki, two thumbs up.

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Finally installed Bloxsom or I actually mean Blojsom
just need to convert all the old weblogs over to the new format then we'll be ready to change over the website.
Shame I cant control the file dates better.

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