just-plain-life – Page 49 – Cubicgarden.com…

Panaroma barely scratches the surface

If there is something I would like to see regulated in some way, it would be online dating…

Panorama exposes the tricks of the UK’s online dating industry, worth millions of pounds a year. Reporter Fiona Walker investigates how some unscrupulous dating websites are preying on those looking for love and searching for their perfect partner. She reveals a world where millions of photos and private details are taken from social media sites without people’s consent and reused to set up fake profiles of imaginary potential partners to tempt the lovelorn. Celebrities, politicians and even children are among those whose personal information has been targeted. Whistleblowers reveal how they create fake profiles and adopt multiple personas to reel in those looking for love – all to boost profits.

And its about time….! Tainted Love: Secrets of the Dating Game (on BBC iplayer for 1 year)

BBC News and Panaroma did good but you’ve only just scratched the surface…

How about the bogus matching claims, The Major private data sharing including HIV and STD Statuses of Customers, The crazy amount of trolling on dating sites, The nasty online scams which come around all the time, Warning users that some members might actually be murders, the catfishers and finally something which is too wrong I can’t even bring myself to describe how and what it is… 🙁

Once again… I say NEVER pay for online dating because these techniques are too common in the murky dark world of paid online dating…

Tips about getting a taxi in San Francisco at night

Forgot I shot this video ages ago about trying to flag down a taxi in the mission district of San Francisco.

The other night I spent 45mins plus trying to flag down a taxi on mission street. There were tons of taxis and lots had there lights on to say their for hire, but would they stop for me? Hell no!

So in the end I walked back to the hotel at 2am. Now although 10 blocks doesn’t sound a lot. Bear in mind its 2am, I don’t know San Francisco at all and I had only flew in that day. Its like someone saying you should walk from Chancery Lane to Aldgate. It maybe not be far but it can be scary at least, specially if you don’t know the area.

In the video it takes me 5mins to flag down a taxi while the night in question, it was 45mins…

Anyway someone called arctother kindly left me some helpful tips for next time I’m in San Francisco.

In SF, just because the for hire light is on doesn’t mean the cab is available. That only turns off when the meter is running. If you had called a cab from the house on South Park, that one would also have shown up with the light on.
Try walking over one block to Third, a busier street with more traffic heading into downtown. Or at least stand on the northbound side of Second, so the cabs heading downtown, which are more likely to be empty, don’t have to turn around to get you. Also, standing on the southbound side sends the message that you are heading south, when you want them to know you are going north.

Thanks…! Can’t believe it was only 2007 when I went to California and came back with those bloody iphones.

POF cleans up and advertises in unique locations

Well I’m hearing Plenty of Fun, I mean Fish is cleaning up its hookup image…

POF is blocking hookups based on age difference and message wording, resulting in immediate bans, Intimate Encounters going away, 17% of the time we can pick the exact person you will end up dating, 70% of POF use is via a mobile phone.

Markus says, “Unfortunately about 2% of men started to use POF as more of a hookup site mostly due the the casual nature of cell phone use.”

POF have made systematic changes too… Directly from Markus the founder

1. Any first contact between users that contains sexual references will not be sent. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will be deleted without warning. This rule has actually been in effect since last month and it’s made the site so much better.

2. You can only contact people +/- 14 years of your age. There is no reason for a 50 year old man to contact a 18 year old women. The majority of messages sent outside those age ranges are all about hookups. Anyone who tries to get around this rule will get deleted.

3. Intimate Encounters will go away in the next few months. There are 3.3 Million people who use the site every day, of those there are only 6,041 single women looking for Intimate Encounters. Of those 6,041 women, the ones with hot pictures are mostly men pretending to be women. Intimate Encounters on POF can be summed up as a bunch of horny men talking to a bunch of horny men pretending to be women.

In short the vast majority of people will not be impacted. This is because the vast majority of people are not going around spamming women saying “let’s have sex tonight”. I can’t change POF alone, I need your help to get the word out there that POF is all about relationships!

So I assume with the clean up, POF needs to shout about the change… Shout about it they do, so much than you can see the advert on OKCupid.com, another free online dating site. Weird but I guess it makes sense, OKC is a dating site with a lot of daters on board.

Who pays on the first date, the discussion intensified

So there’s something I’ve been keeping a little secret… I met Northern Lass 32 from the article which irked me a while ago.

When she first contacted me, I was thinking this has got to be a wind up. But she convinced me she was actually real and it was actually her. So we agreed to meet up in FYG on a early Sunday morning.

Now we agreed not to blog or write about things (a gentleman never tells) but Northern Lass and myself did get talking about who pays on the first date. Somewhat ironic being on a date. But to be honest there’s nothing new there, have had quite a few dates where we’ve talked about who pays first.

Later, in the guardian Northern Lass writes about our meeting briefly… inspired by meeting me!

The issue of who pays on a first date is a subject close to the heart of Manchester-based blogger Cubicgarden, who wrote a blog about how my first column had irked him. Which in turn irked me a bit right back. So I got in touch with him to see if we could meet up on a non-date and iron out the irks.

Cubicgarden turned out to be a brilliant chap. He’s a human dating Wikipedia, taking great interest in – and blogging about – everything from the technology to the dynamics involved in meeting someone new. His top topic being Who Pays On A First Date? We debated the topic over breakfast at FYG in the Northern Quarter last week. Personally I don’t like to be paid for on a date; it makes me feel uncomfortable, like you are not parting on an even ground.

In the guardian again but this time not for a poll, backstage related and not as a pin up, must be making progress?

If Northern Lass 32 says she feels uncomfortable, how many other woman feel the same? Here’s my little 100 person poll again.

Who pays on the first date poll

Interesting to see the comments…

MsJess
Surely you just split the bill? I would never expect someone else to pay for me for an entire evening, especially someone who is effectively a total stranger at the start of the evening. I don’t even really understand why “who pays” is a question anymore.

tombyrne1412
Why are you doing something expensive enough to be worried about who pays? Drinks is the only thing you should be doing on a first date, certainly not dinner. I find the attitude some girls have towards a guy paying a little insulting. This is not 1960 any more – I am no more going to pay for a date than you are likely to stay home all day cooking and cleaning!

JacksonPollocksNo5
You should split unless there’s an agreed second date. I hate that you’re expected to pay, it pisses me off. I avoided meals on a first date anyway, there’s no escape.

Henryplant
Flip a coin, the winner pays (not, note, the loser – get off on a better foooting).

Massive thanks to Northern Lass 32! And I can’t believe its at 670+ comments in just over 12 hours since posting…

You never get chatted up? Really? Balls…

I don’t know what I even bother linking to it (specially being from the Sun) but I thought it was worth highlighting as silly…

A WOMAN as beautiful as Purdey Miles should be fighting men off with a stick. Years ago, she would hardly have been able to enter a bar without being besieged by guys begging for a date. Yet the 23-year-old has had to turn to the internet to find romance.

She says: “No one has asked me out face-to-face for years.

“I think men have become lazy about asking women out.”

And IT worker Purdey is by no means alone. Increasingly, attractive young women like her are having to turn to the web to find love. Internet dating is one of the fastest-growing sectors in this country, generating £170million last year. Nine million people in the UK logged on for romance last year, recent figures show, and we have the highest online dating turnover in Europe. Many women feel this means men are effectively getting sex without having to put in the legwork of asking a woman out.

I’ve never heard such balls in my life…

Ok I can imagine more men are more respectful and doing less hitting on woman, heck maybe we finally got out of the clubbing woman over the head with a club and dragging them back to our caves (joke of course).

Heck I can even imagine we may have a slightly more disconnected world, once again I’m sure Sherry Turke would have a lot to say about that. But blaming the internet is a cop out. Plus don’t ruin it for every other woman who has had to deal with being hit on all the bloody time (some are thinking too)

I’ll tell you why! It takes two to tango…!

Sorry Purdey Miles, who took part in Dawn O’Porters experiment into online dating. Unless all the guys have suddenly come out of the closet or discovered there bi-sexual, it just stinks of the usual rubbish I expect to hear from the Sun. Maybe dare I say it Purdey you should have a read of SBM’s Why dont men ask women out …

Why the heck did I bother reading this garbage again?

Dawn’s guide to the odds of online dating

Well you can’t knock Channel4 for their number crunching, Matt Parker (stand up maths guy) sits with Dawn O’Porter and explains the odds of a decent match to Dawn. Something the Year of Making Love never really explored and got slated for by myself and others.

I’ve been thinking if online dating may be passing its prime as it passes into the mainstream myself. But its hard to get a grip due the lack of data out there. Dawn’s 1000 isn’t bad but you really need a much bigger sample than 1000 to really get a sense of whats happening out there.

Anyway in a previous episode Dawn had a list of do’s and don’t for online dating… I think most of them are similar or taken from Susan Quilliam (relationship psychologist) tips… Here’s the points…

1. Be ready to date. If you’re not over a previous relationship or anxious and demotivated about going online, you’ll self-sabotage. Wait until you’re emotionally available, confident in yourself, ready to put in time and energy.

Absolutely… When I first got divorced I thought I was ready to push myself out there but in actual fact I was too early. Luckily the woman I met were nice enough to point this out to me.

2. Decide what you want first. The site you use, your profile and photo all need to be chosen to suit the partner and partnership you’re looking for. So before you ever go online, think carefully through your wants, needs, deal breakers.

Yes not all sites are the same, some are known for certain types of people and so you need to think long and hard or at least try a few before going forward. Its no good trying match.com and saying well it doesn’t bloody work. I would also add don’t be put off by free online dating. In actual fact I would swear by it for many reasons including that fear to do everything in one month before the credit runs out .

3. Ignore the numbers. No site – however huge their database – will bring you results if the site users aren’t your kind of people. Plus, the ones with big memberships can overwhelm you with numbers. Instead, trawl sites to find one you personally identify with.

Indeed, Match and e-harmony are well known and over subscribed with the kind of people who (I’m assume if your reading this blog) you don’t really want to date too often. Niche dating sites like Guardian Soulmates can be pointless because everyone signs up anyway. Think uniform dating advert.

4. Don’t sell – invite. Writing your profile shouldn’t be a marketing exercise. In fact, research suggests the more you major on “I”, the more you’ll actively put people off. Instead, welcome in prospective partners by writing warmly about the relationship you’d love to have with them.

Although this might be true, I would fight back with to sell is human. You can tell a lot by what someone wants and what they are selling about themselves. Inviting is good but sometimes you need to stand out from the crowd.

5. Choose a welcoming photo not a mug shot. Get a friend or a professional photographer to take hundreds of photos of you smiling and laughing. Then choose the ones where you look the most relaxed and approachable.

Absolutely… I’ve already talked to death about pictures never to use… It still shocks me the kind of thing people put in there dating pictures… For example I was scrolling through my ok cupid locals and was blown away by a woman putting/swallowing a beer bottle. Ok its unique but boy oh boy why oh why would you ever think it was the kind of thing you should use for your dating picture? And don’t get me started on white chicks and gang signs.

6. Don’t go shopping. Studies suggest that, when faced with too much choice in partners, we make decisions on irrelevant criteria, such as whether someone wears glasses. Instead, decide who to approach based on whether their profile lets you imagine having a good relationship with them.

This is something me and imran are interested in… The digitalisation of dating/mating and whats it doing to our brains our habits and the way we see each other. I really need to sit down and read dating in the age of algorithms. I’m sure Sherry Turkle author of alone together and Barry Schwartz author of the paradox of choice would have plenty to say about this whole thing too.

7. Get real – and get real early. Don’t fall for the spell of email and text – feeling close online says nothing about whether you’re compatible in real life. So talk on the phone and meet up as soon as you possibly can.

Ah yes the whole thing about certain people are far too comfortable with chatting from a far. Sites such as Howaboutwe.com are fighting back trying to urge members outside to meet each other but generally if your person you’ve been chatting to for a long (2 months) while refuses to meetup. Think Catfish?

8. Tell the truth. Most folk on dating sites are genuinely looking for love – if they’re not, they go to ‘hook-up’ or ‘married’ sites. But many people are also insecure, so tweak age, height or weight to make a good impression. It works best to be truthful – anything else creates a false start to love.

Yes the truth is the best place to work from. Yes I know lots people lie about there height, weight, job, etc but if you have that much of a problem about it. Just don’t put it down.

9. Don’t expect instant success. In everyday life you may meet hundreds of people at work, socially or by chance before you find someone to date. The same’s true online – it can take months of regular searching before you find a match.

Yes chill out, as I said to Northern Lass 32 from the Guardian…

Chill and take your time, stop rushing and just let things wash over you as interesting experiences…

It takes time and you should enjoy the time you have while single.

10. Ignore bad behaviour. Because online dating’s so new, we haven’t worked out the courtesies: for example, many people don’t respond to approaches made to them. So if you get snubbed, rejected or dumped, ignore it; not your fault.

I agree, move on. The rules are not set and even if they are for a small community. There is floods of newbies coming into the online dating industry. Some of them don’t understand how the internet works, some don’t understand socially what works. Just brush it off and move on…

11. Get support. Find a dating buddy, someone to help you through the tricky stages, support you through disappointment, celebrate your success.

A dating buddy? Hummmm not so sure about this one. Me personally think talk about your experiences with friends and family. Yes they will laugh at first but after a while they will become supportive in some way. Also think this isn’t a zero sum game. If you make a great new friend, you win. If you meet someone you never want to see again, well you kinda of win again. Just look at it all as experiences

As usual I found a myself with a request for my video via youtube’s system, should have used the same technique as I used on this video…

Dear Mr Forrester,

Your video “dating data based on 1000 people“, may have content that is owned or licensed by Channel 4, but it’s still available on YouTube! In some cases, it may be blocked, or ads may appear next to it.

This claim is not penalizing your account status. Visit your Copyright Notice page for more details on the policy applied to your video.

Sincerely,
– The YouTube Team

Hopefully the advertising will be enough…

A singles gastro club night

Barbecue Ribs Green Well Food Macro July 18, 20104

When Josh originally tweeted me, I got to say I looked but was in too much pain to look at in detail. Now looking at it again, I like the idea of the gastro club and I won’t lie foaf dining is a take off that but for people who never met before. This one certainly attracts me like never before. I had considered it in the past but having to get someone to go with was always a issue. On top of that most of my Manchester friends are in relationships so that was always a problem.

A member approached me asking if we could do a special ”singles” Gastroclub dinner. So I want to get an idea of how many people would be interested in attending. I am only doing this for purely selfish reasons – I want a Gastroclub wedding. NO PRESSURE.

How would it work?

It would be a one off event so the normal Gastroclub dinner would still happen in the same month. We would allow for a longer time to mingle prior to dinner and after. It would be a relaxed event much like the normal Gastroclub except you’d know everyone in the room was single and looking to meet someone. There wouldn’t be name badges or any “speed” meeting of any sort. The only stipulation would be that you have to sit next to someone you’d not sat next to before – to mix it up a bit.

So I’m signed up to see what happens… #GCDinnerDate

Excited! Food and Love what more could you ask for? I wonder how the bill will be worked out… yes who pays on the first date, boom boom 🙂

Dating the people on screen, but should I?

Channel4 have launched into the dating world with a number of interesting mating programmes. One of the best is Dates which I’ve blogged about before but the other biggie is there first dates show.

As part of the broadcaster’s Mating Season, Date Night will give viewers the chance to hook up with the singletons they see on screen.

Channel 4 is to enter the competitive market of online dating. Anyone who visits the broadcaster’s website will be able to apply to date pre-selected members of the public. The inevitable twist? Their first date will be filmed for an interactive documentary series, entitled Date Night.

“We’re looking for 50 or 60 people who want to come on the show,” revealed executive producer Meredith Chambers at the launch last night. “They will be known to us in advance. [Then] viewers from two weeks before the series goes out, and while the series goes out, can make a connection with those people. We want it to be as much like the real thing as possible.”

Just like any dating site, the pre-selected singletons will choose their own dates from those who get in touch online. Applicants who are overlooked first time round need not despair: they may get a second chance. “Twice or three times in each show, people whose dates didn’t work out that night will look down the barrel of the lens and say: ‘people of Britain, can you do better?’”

The first episode was last week and now the audience have the chance to join the dating pool by applying online.

I personally would consider breaking my rule about getting involved in with dating shows following the total screw up of the year of making love. But to be honest looking at the people involved I’m not so sure.

Nadia E sounds, quite nice… 31 years old, Entrepreneur wants someone whos a gentleman and someone whos a partner rather than a bit on the side. But shes from London and I don’t think that would work even with me going back and forth to London all the time.

Sophie T is maybe too young at 27 but is also from London.

There are a couple others but none really make me rush to sign up…

So the real question is should I also sign up for this one or not? I could just watch the site out of interest just in-case but it does seem better to be in the pool ahead of time? Heck who knows what might happen, might be interesting to be in the background having another first date?

I can almost feel my hand filling out the online form, although I got to say the terms and conditions are questionable…

Your profile may be removed from the First Dates website at any time for any reason at the discretion of Twenty Twenty and/or Channel 4 without notice. Twenty Twenty and Channel 4 shall also be entitled to edit your profile.

If selected…

If you appear in First Dates we may agree with you that you will become a dater on the show, in which case, members of the public will be able to apply to date you on the First Dates programme by way of the First Dates website.

If you are selected as a potential contributor and/or contributor then you consent to your personal information as it forms part of your profile being made available on the First Dates website and in connection with the rights granted by you under these terms and conditions. You understand and agree that your profile may be available publicly for an indefinite period of time.

Not a fan of some of the terms and conditions but heck what you say, its TV and its the reason why I don’t really like to be involved. But alas something is making me consider it…

Shall I or should I not?

Ok I decided to do it in the end…

My description isn’t the best but alas if you seen my OKCupid profile you will know what kind of madness I typed in (maybe I should have grammar checked it first?). If this goes badly of course I’ll be writing the whole lot on my blog, like always.

OkCupid’s Crazy Blind Dating a failure?

$Blind dating up an blind alley?$

I’m putting this one out there…

Is the OKCupid’s Crazy Blind Date app a failure? too crazy, a failure or just smudge on the horizon?

Is Crazy blind dating taking us up its own backside never to be seen again?

Who knows?

Heck it could be the future of online dating (doubt it greatly)

It launched under a fanfaire of opinions about it being great for woman and blah blah… But I have not heard a word from it in many months. Worst still is when ever I have tried to use it, nothing much happens. Pretty tragic for the 2nd biggest city of singles in the UK. On top of that OkCupid is full of woman from Manchester, so either they are not aware of the application or they might have tried it and decided no thanks.

I did hear reports that woman were actually a little freaked out about the application, but its so hard to tell without hard data. And I very much doubt Oktrends are going to release those any time soon, if at all…

Tell us about your morning habits?

Got a message on Twitter which originally thought was spam from HabitClock.

We are looking for the morning routines to inspire people with our new app HabitClock. You can help us by sharing the morning routine you wish to gain. Thank You!

I thought it was kind of interesting so I submitted my own morning routine.

This is what I wrote…

I am woken by my lightclock. I get up straight away going to the nearest loo before checking my phone and Google Now for what I need to do for the rest of the day. At the same time, I trigger the latest Tech News Today (Twit network) on my XBMC raspberry Pi setup (Xbian) via my HTC phone. The podcast is usually about 45-50mins long.

Then I go to my kitchen boil an egg or two using my egg boiler. While that is boiling I jump in the shower, dry myself, have a shave and brush my teeth the sounds of my FM shower radio tuned into the podcast via a FM transmitter.

The eggs usually finish just after I finish in the bathroom and I can continue listening to the podcast on a FM radio in the kitchen, while I make toast and tea.

By the time the podcast is finished I have eaten, checked twitter, torrents and most important emails. And I’m ready to hit the road street to go to work. I pretty much time where I am in the podcast with how late or early I am. Although my body clock does go out of sync when the daily podcast is running long or short that day.

And that is the honest truth, although most of the time, the podcast does finish way before I’m leaving for work. So I usually start another one which slows me down again. Also forgot to mention looking at tasks and using Any.do, but heck it will do. Also reminds me I need to hook up the last.fm reporting to xbian.

Of course you can submit your own here.