just-plain-life – Page 37 – Cubicgarden.com…

A year of making love and where it went wrong

Most people will remember the last blog I wrote about the BBC Three dating experiment called A year of making love…

Well I went to the event and frankly it was a total shambles. So what happened (imho)?

I have to be careful because I did sign a contract with them, which if I read correctly did have clauses which seemed NDA like (yes I do read contracts but it was very rushed at the time and we never got a copy of what we signed) From memory it was more about exclusive use of footage, etc. And Fevermedia actively encouraged us to document our experiences for a year. From the paper work they gave us…

How was the YOML (year of making love) launch day for you – what was your experience?
What do you think of the science that matched you two together… has it done well or not!?

They even supplied free wifi on the day which did really surprise me, hence lots of tweeting, uploading photos, etc… So I’m just posting my own thoughts…

I got up and got myself ready for the 7am coach journey from Piccadilly Station. 4 Coaches were put on with males in two and females in the others. We were meant to leave on the dot so we would reach the secret venue by 10am. However that never happened as we left Manchester at about 8am instead (no real reason why, or at least explained)

Then when we finally got to Millbrook, we were left sitting in our seats on the coaches for almost a hour. Yes we were on location but each coach was sat in a formation waiting for what? No one knew, no communication, no one to ask. Coach driver only said he’s been told to wait. In the end, its was only my bladder and my unwillingness to go pee in the bushes near the formation of coaches. I personally think they wanted to do a shoot of everyone getting into the building but it just never happened.

Marching into the building/hanger to use the toilets, it seemed stupid to go back to the coach. I also had met some guys on the coach who followed me (more about them later). So we stuck around and waited in a queue of woman also waiting to register and get in.

Finally through registration and directed into the green zone to collect our wrist bands and sign the very light contract. We were given a a food voucher (a sandwich and a drink), information sheets and told to wait with other matches. To be correct, the green zone was mainly for males and the orange zone mainly for females. However, I was pleased to see some woman who in my terrible gaydar sense were homosexual. I was pleased mainly because I did wonder if this experiment was exclusively straight, which turned out not to be. A matching experiment should work with LGBT too, OkCupid‘s does.

Right after about a hour of waiting around, we were told to go into the main area. To be honest it was massive and very impressive at first. Orange (mainly women) on the left and Green (mainly men) on the right. Separated by a large isle in the middle, like a church wedding. Were were also explained this is a “scientific experiment” which has never been done on this scale before…

The idea was when your number is read out, go to either side/wing to get quickly sorted and get given a couple number. When your couple number is read out, emerge from the hidden wings, walk on to the stage meet your partner for the very first time say something nice and walk down the isle in front of the cameras. Basically they wanted to capture that very first moment when you met and the reaction as you walked away to learn more about each other next door

And to be frank for the first few hours it worked. There were some amazing matches and some great moments when people lept into each others arms, did a spin on the spot and carried the parter down the isle over there shoulders. The energy in the room from the 1000 people was great. However after 2-3 hours, the space started to empty from matches and the energy started to shorten.

Where it went wrong…

We were promised breaks but never told when they were. Instead there were long periods where they had called quite a few numbers and trying to sort out there partner numbers in the wings (once again no communication of what was going on).

Little Update…
Also worth mentioning there were doing in small batches starting from 2xxx and 1xxxx going upwards. So realistically I should have been matched very early with 2135. However they skipped over large batches at certain points. But still generally going up into towards 2500 and 1500. Of course they never reached 500.

Later the blame was pushed on to people leaving and their partner being left alone. In actual fact, if they had brought us into the arena in small batches, instead of random it would have speeded up the process no end.
People started using there phones, reading magazines and generally chatting away. The clapping went from loud to drips in a sink. People screamed for food as we hadn’t had food for over 5 hours! I was thinking about starting a shout out about this but decided better of it.

The event was due to come to a close at 6pm but we left the venue at about 8:30pm. Lots of people including myself, came by coaches but others drove and got connecting trains to Milton Keynes. If your coming from a long way, you want to make sure you get home safely (specially if your a single woman, friends were not allowed – you had to come alone). The coaches threaten to leave but were held back as long as possible. There was a air of people needed to go and they did.

Fevermedia tried to speed things up but with the false positives and the lack of excitement it became very telling. However, instead of changing things (after a announcement captured on youtube). They pushed on with the same format (they really wanted that moment of first meeting on camera), even my number got called and I was waiting in the wings to meet my partner.

Then they changed their minds (finally realising this will never work in the time) and pulled everyone to the back of the venue to read out the numbers and matches. This was very badly done (it was like calling for cattle) and done far far too late. Hence it pretty much exploded at the end with a ugly stand off between production staff and the people who had not been matched (roughly 100 people).

I like many others were peed off (lack of food, drink, sitting in uncomfortable chairs for hours on end, with very little communication about what was happening) that maybe in the room was our matches but we would never find out because they wanted to hold on to that information. At one point they even suggested a speed dating session (I hope as a unhelpful joke) which would have made the whole scientific experiment a total joke. Fevermedia did say they would contact everyone who wasn’t matched and match them over email but like many expressed, the moment is gone and after such a bad handle of the situation why would anyone want to be involved again?

The cold light of the next day

They wanted to be the largest but only matched about 350 couples? (aim was 500). They could cover up some of the holes on in post but its going to need plenty of editing and they will never get the magic 500 couple number, specially now.

It wasn’t that I was pinning my hopes on meeting the one, just that I like many wanted to meet them and felt bad for this other person who you may have even rubbed shoulders with. In actual fact, I met some great people on the day and sharing stories and experiences on the coach was interesting.

After all the trouble of the day (we got back to Manchester after midnight! I even had to direct the coach driver…), a few of us went to Tai Wu for Chinese food as we were so bloody hungry. Two of the guys I met on the coach, had met there match partners but hadn’t really clicked (yet?) so hooked up with other people. One of them came to Tai Wu with us and they seemed to be hitting it off very well. Mismatch maybe, who knows? We’ve all agreed to meet up again soon in the Northern Quarter for drinks as we swapped numbers.

For me it was a the not knowing and being in the same room with someone who might be a great match. End of the day I was more interested in seeing if it could work. One guy I spoke to on the coach home, had staked quite heavy amount of time and effort on this and was deeply upset. Some would say thats really bad but at just 18 and frankly a super shy personality, the build up and catastrophic breakdown of the show was heart breaking. I did say to him don’t confuse the show format with the actual idea of using maths to connect people. OkCupid does a excellent job (imho) but I have to date answered over 500 detailed questions. While for the show we answered roughly 50?

End of the day, I’m not that upset (some were screaming blue murder at the end)… I do fear it reflects very badly on the BBC because I heard negative comments about the show and attributing BBC Three. It was all very anticlimactic for something which started off well (even with the small problems at the start). I did feel sorry for Fevermedia specially when people were laying into them but if they had sorted out the matches and worried less about getting that on camera everyone would have been a lot happier. I’d suggest they should have done it over 2 days for such a number of people really, but I imagine that would have been a logistical nightmare too.

This further adds further weight to my thoughts about broadcast TV. There’s a sense your just cattle and don’t matter in getting the final product. Your the bi-product and thats just not right (specially felt this when they were reading out numbers like cattle). In my TedX talk earlier in the week I talked about everyone being unique and special. 500 new stories and relationships had the potential to be an amazing story but for a lot of people it was an experience they never want to be involved in again…

And with this I rip my green band off with my match number 2135. Its very unlikely I’ll be involved any further… And I’m sure my match if anything like me won’t either…

A year of making love?

I have no idea whats going to happen tomorrow but remember that BBC Three dating show I considered going on a while back?

Well I applied and got accepted on board…

All I know so far is there are 499 other men and 500 woman also going… We’ll be matched based on maths or more like sudo-science off the back of our questionnaire which we all had to fill in. So like OkCupid its based on a matching technology to see whos the most compatible for each person. One of the 500 will be a “perfect” match for me.

Tomorrow we set off at 7am from a place in Manchester to a place in the midlands to meet quite a few of the opposite sex, then later in the day we will meet our “ideal match?”

One of the researchers called me a few days ago to check I was still going, because “you wouldn’t want to let down the other person of course.” She then asked if I was going to bring some flowers for her? To which I was like “ummm no?” Anyway later today, I decided maybe I should buy something, because goodness knows what everyone else will be doing…? Yes I bowed to peer pressure on this one, not really my style.. I know. I got a box of chocolates and will wrap them up in a bit…

Everything I do hopefully will be in my character, I won’t be acting out of turn or pushed into something.

If things work out, then great but generally I’m not expecting to find my perfect match or anything like that. I mean lets look at the maths…

I answered about 40 questions and the sample size isn’t that big. OKCupid has a much bigger sample size and I’ve answered roughly 700 questions with the ability to say how important the answer is to me and what I’d expect my ideal match to say (so much deeper)… So I would be totally amazed if something happened…

Funny enough, I watched BBC Three at work in FYG deli while they filmed Snog, Marry or Avoid today. To be honest I wasn’t that impressed, so I am more worried about this dating experiment than ever before.

My good friend Ross has warned me that, if I do this all those woman I’ve been out on dates with and worst will start selling their stories to papers, specially if it goes well. This seriously does worry me because frankly I’ve done a lot of things in my life with lots of people and not all of them are great… 🙁 My only hope is that with 499 other people, my history won’t be that interesting to the media. But heck you never ever know…

I’m not sure how much I will be able to tweet or blog but I’ll certainly do what I can… maybe using the hashtag #yroflove?

Missed my chance to have a wider debate on who pays first?

I very recently got this through my contact me form on my blog,

This is Josh Neicho from Letters at the London Evening Standard, I hope all is well with you. I wanted to forward you our piece today in which two writers address the question of who should pay on a first date. Following your recent talk I would be very interested to hear your thoughts or alternatively a summary of the different points made by people who attended and which you found convincing. I would just be looking for 50-100 words later tonight for tomorrow’s paper.

Unforgivable I didn’t see this till too late. I assume Josh wanted to get it into the Evening standard in time for Valentines day? So I’m still available to do it if Josh is interested?

I could just imagine some of my friends in London such as Cristiano, Sheila, etc picking up the standard on their journey home and doing a 2nd look when reading it. Oh well…!

Although to be honest, I would need to get my sister to check it through before sending it. I was going to prefix anything I wrote with this is coming from a dyslexic guy… I’m sure it would be fine with work, because it would be my own views and certainly not the view of the BBC.

Also a friend from London (don’t want to out them) sent this event also on the same day…

How our relationships and our affections are being moulded by the technology? This session will include insight into affection in the age of social media from a leading consumer research firm. There might just be a few dating tips, too

Would have loved to have gone if I was in London. Also I’ve not seen Mel Kirk for ages…

Reminds me I need to kick off Geeks Talk Sexy season 2 maybe in late March?

Don’t waste your life, living someone else’s life

Its rare, very rare that Tim Dobson will tweet something at me which is actually worthy of blogging about. Love the guy, he saved my life… 🙂 But he doesn’t half send some crap my way…

Anyway this time he send a very touching video which is about a engineer who goes speed dating. Unlike the usual crap you get about speed dating, this one is much more measured and the overall moral is something which directly ties to my story of me talk at TedXManchester yesterday.

On slide 56, I quote Steve Jobs from his Stanford university speech

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life…

And with this deep in the way I do things since mybrushwithdeath, I will be going on this dating show and not acting any differently than my usual self (yes I’ll even be wearing a black shirt)

It may not make great TV but it will be honestly me. No playing up for the camera, no bull, just me. Actually I keep thinking with the current crop of suggestions that online dating is a bit poo, maybe is the perfect time for my lifestreaming dating idea. Bring a bit of honesty and trust to online dating, rather than projecting an ideal image of yourself…?

Now if I could only get Tim to send less crap and more signal…

I’m signed up for who knows what…

Remember when I asked the question multiple times, if I should sign up for a BBC Three ground breaking dating experiment titled, a year of making love?

Well I can tell you I did sign up and I was selected (yes I did tell them I was a BBC employee of course)

That’s about all I know right now… We’ve been asked to keep a date free (best I don’t reveal which one) and await further instructions.

I’m not sure what to expect but I’m nervously looking forward to it as a total experiment. What ever happens, I’m certainly going to be holding it together and not doing anything stupid, even if everyone else chooses to do so. I’ll be holding on to any dignity I have very tightly. Really hoping this is one of BBC Three’s better shows.

Ignite Leeds: Who pays on the first date?

Who pays on the first date?

View more presentations from Ian Forrester

In my first talk in 2012 and first of a few this month (#smc_mcr and #tedxmanchester to come). I spoke at the excellent igniteleeds.

Unusually I didn’t talk about technology or social change, instead I did a 5min talk about who pays on the first date? Seemed to go well and I even had a woman who admitted publicly she had pulled the whole reaching for her purse waiting for the other person to offer to pick up the whole bill (as per my early slide).

Unfortunately after reaching for my virtual bag while demonstrating the whole reach down, I pulled the VGA cable out of my laptop and had the panic of putting it back and then switching to mirror screen again. Wasn’t a big problem, just meant the whole presentation was over 5mins for sure. Good thing it wasn’t auto advancing, because it would have been real short.

I had a couple of conversations with people afterwards, one was with guy who didn’t see the point in my talk… The other was a guy who said he had this exactly conversation last week with a female friend of his.

The event was real fun and the speakers were varied and each quite different. We had social poetry to diy bio and most things between. It was a good night and I’m happy I was able to speak at the event hosted by the amazing imran ali.

If you found the talk interesting and your around Manchester, we’re planning Geeks Talk Sexy season 2, so keep your eyes peeled.

Next stop #smc_mcr on Tuesday… Perceptive Media…

We’re either riding or queuing

26x times on Infusion in Blackpool Pleasurebeach? Thats nothing… I hear you say?

Join me, as we celebrate my birthday and…

Live life in the very fast lane, up high above…
That distinctive sound of thunder and screaming,
As we descend downwards like a falling rock.
Before emerging back up to catch some wicked air.
Feel that adrenaline rush as you ride into the unknown,
That ecstasy you only get while riding rollercoasters…

Its my birthday in April and I’m itching to get back to rollercoaster riding…

Join me if you dare, but I warn you I’m totally a hardcore geek about coaster rider and won’t tolerate any messing around looking at the gardens, fooling around with ghost trains or resting to catch your breath…

We’re either riding or in a queue period! (those are the rules…)

Alton Towers is calling me. But I might do Blackpool pleasure beach the day afterwards too. Heck why not?

Got to live and love it, if you want to ride with me… baby 🙂

Should I apply for a BBC Three dating experiment?

I’m trying to decide if I should apply for this groundbreaking dating experiment or rather TV dating show

We’re looking for single people to take part in a groundbreaking dating experiment.

Are you looking for Miss or Mr Right?

Would you like to be set up with your ideal date?

Using the science of compatibility testing, our relationship experts will be creating 500 compatible couples who will meet for the first time at an exciting TV dating event.

This is the week that our compatibility test goes live, so make sure that you don’t miss out on the chance of meeting your perfect date by getting in touch now!

I might not be able to apply due to being a BBC member of staff but you never know… Actually the only reason I’m considering it is because its BBC. However its BBC Three, so who knows what it might end up like.

I’ve asked on Twitter and Google Plus and its been a mixed response, but now the deadline is coming up and I need to decide.

Can I remind you about the last time I was on TV, and that was without me even signing up to anything!

Hacking my john lewis umbrella

I bought another John Lewis Umbrella recently while in Bristol.

My good friend Ross (recently joined twitter), said I was nuts buying such a expensive umbrella, but I explained its the only way to deal with Manchester’s changeable weather. The Umbrella is strong and seems to deal with the gusts much better than most other umbrellas. Plus its small and compact so fits in my laptop bag, or my inside jacket pocket. Yes it was in the lady section of John Lewis but only because theres this stereotype than men carry golfing size umbrellas.

He made the point that I could buy about 17 cheap pound shop umbrellas for the price of my John Lewis one but I love the up and down button and you can’t beat it when going in and out of doors. I did try the M&S umbrella but it felt cheap and unstable in comparison, plus it didn’t have the up and down mechanism (manual sucks).

Anyway, after using it straight away after buying it to keep the rain off in Bristol. I noticed it wasn’t so snappy as the ones I’ve had in the past. Which got me thinking maybe theres a way to hack the umbrella so its snappy and much more responsive?

Yes folks, its time to hack my umbrella… and I’m not the only one but I’m doing it for different less flashy reasons

Of course if I do start hacking it, there will be photos and a detailed analysis of the hacking.

Watch this space…

New Years Resolutions 2012

Taken by Becky Davis in Cloud23

Following my review of last year… here’s my New Years Resolutions for 2012

More public talks
I quite like public talking although I personally think I’m not very good at it. I’ve forced myself to talk more in public and so I’m going to push my public talking more in 2012… Its starts with Ignite Leeds and a few others in the first half of 2012. More will come soon after.
Keep my calendar more clear
I find if I keep my calendar clear, adhoc things pop up and I quite enjoy this. So hopefully keeping it as empty as possible will help this happen. I’ve been known to use twitter a lot to arrange adhoc meetups and this year I’ll keep this going. This also fits with my idles about focusing more and removing the stuff which doesn’t matter so much, from my life.
Play more
Like previous years, I hope to play more games but unlike last few years I’m considering real life gaming like Werewolf, The thing, etc… I’m already playing Werewolf once every two months in the northern quarter with Larkin About. And the venue we have has bags of potential for other types of real life gaming experiences.
Inspire through what I do
I still love the simplistic of iamido.info. I feel there’s a lot more what I can do to inspire others through what I do. Hopefully some of this will come through what I do at work. Lots of friends say to me, why don’t you setup your own company? But to be honest I love my job and I feel like I’m in a bit of a startup environment within BBCR&D. This has its advantages and disadvantages, but either way hopefully it will show theres more to life than money. This also means even more oversharing or overlistening. But I’ve decided to pump more information into Google Plus (because of their Data Portability) instead of Facebook or Twitter. I think the circles are a good idea, and I think I could use them over another service like Path. Even considered documentating things like dates I go on just like 52 first dates.
Don’t settle for mis-information and totally bogus arguments
Quite a few times I’ve been having a debate with someone and they throw in something which is totally bogus. I mention it but we carry on regardless, then later on it comes back but worst. The other person builds a argument off the back of this mis-information. I then have to build a argument to counteract this mis-information. No more! The debate isn’t going to carry on now.
Never shy away controversy / push social limits (including complaining myself)
I understand social limits or boundaries but can’t help but push them. I don’t do it to be deliberately a pain to others but sometimes I use them as a transport towards something much more enlightening. In my blog post about VivID lounge, I faced a lot of angry people, but in the end I’m starting to see comments which confirm some of the points I was making. Its not about me, I’m just pushing the conciousness into the public where others can give a better reasoned argument. Someone needs to be the person who lights the match I guess, and thats me. I’m also adopting Senior Troublemaker as my title at work, which is very fitting. I’m sure my plans for #geekstalksexy will also cause some controversy. Lastly complaining is important (within reason) My ex-wife use to complain when something grated with her and you know, it always ended positively. So its time to shake off the British stiff upper lip…
Drink only when they serve decent cocktails or wine I actually like
I’ve already stopped drinking stuff I think is so-so, by extension I’m generally only going to drink when I’m really up for it and looking forward to enjoying the taste. This means no more drinking cherry beer just because theres nothing else to drink, no more settling for crappy cocktails made out of packets.
Improve my circus skills
I still loving my Diabolo and when I was off sick I was going to Manchester University Circus Skills. But when I went back to work the timing (2-4pm on a Wednesday) was never going fit with work. Now there’s the circus house next to me, and I’m hoping to make full use of it. On top of that, when it gets warm in MediaCity again, I’ll be pushing for Circus Skills classes again at lunch times. Maybe there’s a way to combine the two? Or even move one of the after hour classes away from South Manchester to East Manchester?
Buy more non-black shirts
If you know me, I tend to wear a lot of black shirts. Hey I like them and I have many of them (maybe I should take a photo of my wardrobe just to prove it). However I’m not against other colour shirts (I wear Orange/Yellow/Green/Red Tshirts for example), but they do need to be short sleeves and not dodgy cheques like you see on a lumberjack. So time for different shirts and you know what? Maybe even different colour trousers now and then…
Be more careful with money
I’m spending right now about 6 pounds on lunches bought at Booths at MediaCity (Booths is the Waitrose of the North) , this has got to stop. Not only that, I’m treating maybe too many people with free meals and drinks. Cool but I do need to limit the number per month.
Bake a cake
I don’t understand why but there seems to be something about engineers and baking cakes. I don’t personally get it, but the guys all bring in cakes every week for everyone else. I’ve not contributed to this and to be honest I can’t bake because I can’t help but mess with the recipe. Maybe its the creative side of me… or something. Anyway, sometime this year I’ll bake a cake and bring it in for BBC R&D, can’t pledge for its quality however
Eat healthy
Been consistently loosing weight at a slow pace, and to be honest my NHS dietation/nutritionist has been good. And we’ve identified the only time I eat bad is when I’m far enough away from decent quality food. So I’m going to avoid all the rubbish food places and stick to decent places (even if its at odds with number 10). I’ll also do more smaller shops, so I can pick up more fresh fruit and veg.

A review of last years resolutions 2011

Every year for the last few years I’ve been publicly posting my new years resolutions… 2011, 2010, 2009 and here’s a review of last years

Ski on real snow
Yes and this year I did it. Chill Factor in Manchester was where I skied on real snow for the very first time. So I can finally take this one off the list for good.
Organise a Trance night in Manchester
This (kinda) happened, I got together with Dirty Si and Composite and we did it in a small place called Arcadia on the Great Ancoats ring road. It lasted about 4 weeks but only shut down because the owners had a massive fight and we lost our venue in the aftermath. Shame as we were starting to build our night, Startup… Not to say its over, but I’m not pursuing it right now (for reasons below)
Of course theres more mixes on mixcloud if you want tunes.
Read more non-news stuff
Ok so this hasn’t happen so much, still got many books I need to read on the Kindle but generally I’m reading less news stuff and more blogs and opinions. Also reading a lot of recommended stuff from people I follow on twitter.
Live even more in the public
This is all happening… I’m actually currently writing a presentation about this in the same vein as Jeff Jarvis. Over sharing or Over listening? Who knows, but I do know spilling my thoughts into the public domain is always going to cause conflict no matter how I think about it before hand. Perfect example is my thoughts about the late VivID Lounge, which still is getting comments, some negative and some positive. But they got people talking…
Document more online (including films, books, photos, etc)
Using Trakt to document all the films and tv shows I watch has worked out great….Specially when you look back across the whole year like this… Its much better than documenting them using Twitter or even Identica. Pushing things into Facebook has been interesting, specially when my friends commented “am I feeling alright?” when watching a lot like love. I keep meaning to add reviews there instead of Twitter but it hasn’t happened yet.
Meet more young, progressive, single and central located people
This is happening more and more, slowly slowly… Only real issue is they all seem to be gay (so no love action), but alas I conclude my gaydar is totally broken and I’ll just have to live with that now. Will have to work around this.
Consider going out with woman who have kids
Generally I’m more open to woman who have kids, but haven’t dated any yet. But I have spoken to a few in passing, so who knows what might happen next year…
Get my finances in order
I could have done better but to be honest, I’ve saved quite a bit money but I’ve also spent too much money on lunches and dinners out. A little look through my bank details shows a lot of transactions from the newly opened Booths in MediaCity, and Booths isn’t exactly cheap (its the Waitrose of the north for my friends down south).
Work more on my healthy lifestyle
Playing Volleyball, walking most places in Manchester and losing weight slowly but steadily. Its certainly going all in the right direction. I did sign up for the gym but they wanted a doctors note to cover there arses, which the doctor could not/would not give me. And to be honest, I think taking up another sport is more likely than the gym.
Play much more
This is one I’ve failed on for sure… Simon Lumb keeps saying, stop watching films and play instead, but I’m generally doing something else at the same time, so its continent. When Brendan was living with me for a while, we did play PES 2010 a bit but most of the time the Xbox 360 stays off. However, I’ve started pushing the Manchester Werewolf chapter again and the last one was very well attended and its great we got the venue deeply involved.
Spend more time thinking deeper and focusing
This year has been all about this. Less time keeping track of whats on everyones radar and more time focusing on things which matter to me. This could be seen as a social/media bubble but if it stops me trying to store lots of loosely related things in my head, then so be it. I’m very active about pushing away things which are not core to myself or what my goals/aims are.
Take Geek Culture to new heights
I’m pursing a few things which are related to this. There’s thoughts about whats next after BarCamp and Hackday? What would go into Geeks talk sexy series 2 and what other games can we play socially. I’ve done some ground work to work closer to Larkin About and who knows where it goes from here?

Next post has to be 2012 resolutions…

Places to meet partners…?

I warn you I don’t always follow my own advice, but I had a little read of CTS’s post in the telegraphy titled, If you’re looking for love in London make sure it’s in the right places.

But before I start my comment, I’ve been reading and following (thanks to the forever good friend Kate Norman for the pointer) CTS’s 52 first dates, which really intrigues me and makes me wish I had blogged my many dates…

Here’s the deal. I’ve been single since time immemorial. So, in an attempt to remedy my eternal singledom, and to get over my nauseatingly pathological fear of dates, I’ve decided to challenge myself. The challenge? To go on one first date a week for a year! So in 52 weeks time, I will have either found my Mr Right, or I’ll stay forever Miss Write. This is what happens…

Here are the rules to the 52 First Dates challenge…

1. A first date must be had once a week, EVERY week, for 52 weeks.

2. Taking someone home after a drunken night on the cider does NOT count, otherwise this challenge would just be slutty, and none of us want that do we?!?

3. Second and third dates are allowed, I must continue first dates unless there are exceptional mitigating circumstances. For example, God forbid, the start of a relationship.

4. Each date must be blogged.

Great concept and to be honest I’m kind of hooked reading some of her blog posts… I’m sure I’ll comment more about them in future.

So now on to, places to meet…

in reality, the prospect of catching a fellow passenger’s eye on the Tube is unheard of and the very notion of verbalising a cheeky flirt during rush hour would probably cause the entire Underground system to implode. It just doesn’t happen, it’s not the done thing.

Although I do agree mainly its not totally unheard of… In my time living in London half the time I was married but before that, I had some great experiences communicating with people on the tube. Yes they were very rare but there is nothing better than when the driver/announcer makes a mistake or says something funny. You can’t help but just look at the person opposite you and smile or even laugh. Well next time say something, don’t try and be funny just say something which refers to the current situation. You will be surprised what might happen…

Yes it breaks the silence and yes Londonners don’t talk in public much but hey who knows what can happen if you cease the moment? Reason why I mention it is I’ve met some interesting people on the tube this way. Now to be honest its never been a romantic type of thing but I’m sure with enough times something might have happened…

CTS (really need to find out her real name) ends with this…

Regardless, if you want to meet someone in this heaving city perhaps it’s best to dive right in and see who’s available online. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea but reeling them in at bars and clubs is hard work – online dating could well be the best way to find a lifeguard.

I agree, online has been better but like when me and Sarah first met in reality, that was when things really clicked.

The thing I’ve always done (or at least tried to do) is keep an eye open when you go places you personally enjoy. Chances are if you enjoy that place, the person you want to meet also will be there. So enjoy shopping in ikea, the person you may want to meet is maybe there too. I personally love Manchester’s cafe culture and spend plenty of time hanging out in them, yes nothing to show yet but a few twitter name swaps for example. But likewise if your not a fan of say old man pubs (like me), then its not going to be the kind of place you may want to meet someone else romantically…

I can talk quite a bit about the social objects/places thing but I’ve done enough of that here.

Want to run a bar? VivID Lounge

I’ve enjoyed having VivID Lounge right below where I live. It was like having a local pub (I assume) but it was a European styled lounge. However there were problems right from the start and it looks like its the end of the road for this current version of the lounge.

This will be a very difficult blog post to write and I’m going to leave out peoples names and dates because its not really fair. Its also worth noting I’m not really in a position to be talking because I’ve never opened a bar or ever run an physical establishment. So really this is the thoughts from a outsiders view. I’ll probably get peoples backs up but, hey I’m doing it for the right reasons I believe… and I would happily say most of the same stuff to the previous owners of VivID lounge…

VivID lounge was one of those jokes for the longest time. Some of us believed it was a hoax by ISIS to get interest in the space. However it turned out to be real soon after I moved into Islington Wharf, with a paper survey through everyones postbox. Months after, things started happening. First a council application for food and alcoholic drink then one for a late night licence. It was clear it wasn’t a hoax after all. Then finally things started happening in the glass space, including a call for employment.

Due to open in July in time for the Ice Cream Festival, it didn’t quite happen and it was another 3 months before it actually opened, missing most of summer. It also opened with no big fanfare or announcements. The owners said they didn’t want a big opening.

So for months, people have walked past it and seen its open but haven’t gone in. Don’t get me wrong sometimes it was busy but generally its quiet and there 1-5 people sitting reading the news, enjoying a coffee. Why…?

There’s a whole host of reasons I believe… but here’s my thoughts…

Engagement with the residents and residents committee…
I’m on the committee and also form the social committee and although we had a very successful night for the residents just recently (pics you can see here)… It wasn’t enough. I had planned to do feedback sessions to the residents about whats going on but got busy, and it didn’t happen. Ultimately I would suggest that more work needed to be done to engage residents. Not just sticking flyers through there post boxes, but actually banging on doors and massive discounts just to get people through the door everyday. This seemed to fall between the cracks of the owners and the residents committee, I can only suggest if we had known things were going so badly we would have got involved far earlier
Get Decor
Yes named after a favorite tune but ultimately the decor of the lounge was very uncomfortable and unfriendly. Plastic white chairs with white tables and only one sofa (next to the toilet). What it really needed was to take a note from places like North Tea Power, NoHo, Apothica, Common, etc. Simple cheap sofas with simple cheap wood tables. It would feel a lot more friendly with all those wood/earthy tones instead of stark white/orange colour scheme. Its a lounge… and the décor just didn’t quite match what you think about when you think European Lounge.
Environmental factors
VivID always struck me as very light and breezy due to the massive amounts of glass throughout but at night it always had the lights on very high… It was always a mood killer and although they had tea lights, they were over powered by the heavy lights throught-out the space. They really could have done with killing most of the nights and using many more candles (but there might be other reasons for this)
Taking feedback on the chin
In the early days, it was mentioned many times by many people that it would be great if VivID lounge would do a cooked breakfast on the weekends. VivID would only do healthy/hearty breakfasts containing porridges and muesli… The excuse was sometimes “the kitchens not big enough…” “We don’t want to be a greasy spoon” “If we gave everyone what they wanted… we would be bankrupt.” It was so bad, that people would come to me and moan to me about it! So in the end I ended up telling them again on behalf of others. If I had known things were so bad earlier, I would have been much more forceful at the very start.
Celebrate every moment
VivID missed its original opening date by a few months, but even when they opened it never did a launch event… This is a crying shame because many people didn’t know it was open for a while and even if they did, there was no real reason to go and check it out. I could mention social objects here but I won’t… People like an excuse to be there, thats why the quiz nights worked. Lastly there was no closing party (from what people tell me). There wasn’t even a “thanks everyone for supporting us type thing” (I wasn’t there on the last Saturday, so I’m going on hear-say), instead there was a message on the facebook group. So much for celebration…
Its not just about us…
Islington Wharf wasn’t the only flats in the area. Yes it was right underneath but actually there was Chips, Quantum, Millerners Wharf, Piccadilly Basin, etc, etc.. I don’t personally know how much effort went into engaging with those people but theres been a estimation that at least 1200 other people are a short walk from VivID. Even if they could convince 10% to come in regularly that would be great for business. VivID is also on the way to the Manchester City ground and the couple of times they tried selling things to the fans, its been very well received. I guess what I’m saying is, I believe there is enough footfall and someone will make a killing
Whats on the menu?
The menu was a mess of new and old items. Some of the old ones were no longer sold and the new ones you had to ask for. On top of that, there was only a few choices in certain categories. For example, only one black tea (my own bug bear) but about 4 different types of fruit & a green tea… Many times I wanted a earl grey but couldn’t get one. Near the end I learned they had them but it wasn’t on the menu or board! Seriously… This is systematic of the problems with the menu as a whole. When dim sum was added to the menu I was excited and told people about it, but later when a friend came in for dim sum, they couldn’t see it on the menu, so was disappointed. This is the same case for the fried breakfast… I understand the menu was fluid but they really needed paper menus to reflect this.

There are many more but these are the main ones…

Of course it would be wrong of me to just highlight the negatives… It was a centre piece in the islington wharf community and the amount of people who we met there was great. As I said before I imagine its like a old town pub which all the locals hang out and socialise. In actual fact VivID lounge was the social object. It was the reason why people left there flats and chatted to each other. Its the reason why I spent a ton of money at VivID lounge even though the coffee and tea wasn’t as good as they could have been (North Tea Power can sleep well). The staff were generally friendly (specially some of the women, who were very cute), and the people you found hanging around were always cool and friendly. I’m sure there were many friendships which were formed via Vivid and as it seems will out live VivID.

Once again its a shame and to be fair its a difficult time for all independent coffee shops (Outlet closed down a while ago too) and you’ve got to be prepared to not make any money for at least 2 years it seems. Real businesses are a total different game from what I’m use to and I have total respect for the people involved in making vivID lounge…. I hope there not too hard hit and they will bounce back very soon…

Of course if your interested in taking over VivID lounge, do get in touch… I’ll happily pass your details on to the owners. I’m very confident with the right understanding of the mistakes above, enough money and once the new tram station and marina opens it will be a killer coffee bar

The secret of luck or the richness of life?

Derren Brown isn’t a household name outside the UK, no idea why… but he recently did a excellent show in the conclusion to his experiments series…

In the show he slowly convinces a town that a statute in a local public garden it might be lucky. Through a series of other activities and press attention, people start touching the statute more and more over the months. But where it gets interesting is when he tries to find a person who by the end of the show will bet a huge amount of money on a roll of a dice. So convinced he might just be lucky.

What Derren is proving is the power of the mind… Something I’ve seen long understood from my time in hospital and afterwards. To be honest it was one of Derren’s best ever shows and something I love about his style… Unravelling some of the more complex mysteries of life.

The secret to luck is opportunity…

If you take the opportunities you will make more human connections, gain more experience and feel more lucky… (Roughly)

Its something I’ve become very versed in recently.

Opportunities are there for the taking… When you understand this, your world is your oyster.

I was trying to explain this blog entry on the train to Tim Waters who I hopefully didn’t bore to death between Liverpool and Manchester. I used the tale of the Japanese lady on the train story to explain taking opportunities. Its very easy to just stick your headphones in your ears and ignore the world of opportunities which are served up to us everyday… I personally don’t put my earphones in my ears when going to work till I get out the front door of the apartment I live in. Why? Because I’ve had some fascinating conversations in the lift with people (yes and some of them are lovely woman).

For example once I got in the lift and the lift went up a few floors and stopped. Doors open and a woman gets in wearing PJ’s and fluffy sleepers.

It could have been easy to ignore her and stare at the glossy silver lift doors but instead, I couldn’t help myself. “So, sleepers…?” *big grin*. She smiled and said “…well you know their all the rage now…”

There’s plenty more I can say about this but seeing how I’ve had this blog entry open for a good few weeks, I think its best ended with a vague reference to social objects mixed with opportunities…

Maybe luck actually feels like the richness of life…?

Welcome back to South East London

I was very excited to invited to the Mozilla Festival which this year was in London. Not only that, it was in South East London.

I decided to split the entry, so if your just interested in the Mozilla Festival, skip to the newer post…

For me it was a bit epic because not only was it exciting because I was leading the DJ Challenge on behalf of the BBC, it was in south east London and frankly nothing geeky happens there. The nearest place is maybe the Excel centre which is more east London or Docklands than anything. Not only that, it was North Greenwich which was 5mins ride from Woolwich where I lived with my ex-wife (Sarah) for years. I hadn’t been back for (I believe) 5 years! When I left they were building the DLR to Woolwich Arsenal and of course the housing prices had gone up. So I was amazed to see how it looked now things were actually open.

Woolwich to be honest has changed quite a bit in some parts and not so much in others. Most of the structures and shops are still where they were when I was living there (this is very true of Greenwich too) but things like the square have been totally revamped with a massive screen showing local information and BBC News. There’s even a Starbucks now but didn’t spot a Pizza Express? Its maintained its down-market feel but also embraced the new upper market shops. For example the market selling copied perfume, clothes, etc is still in place.

Lastly the college I studied & taught Interaction design at, was the host for the Mozilla Festival.

For years people in Ravensbourne banged on about the move to North Greenwich. right next to the Dome. It was going to be a landmark building, etc… Well its certainly different, not quite sure it fits in with the rest of the north greenwich developments but its actual quite nice inside. Reminds me of Salford University in MediaCityUK actually with all the space and multiple levels. Right now it feels very bland because they only moved in a while ago?

Good to see a whole bunch of people popping up who I use to work with including Richard, Roman, Arthur, Hamid, etc, etc… each time I saw one of them, I would take a picture and post it on twitter mainly for the purpose of showing Miles and Dave.

So generally it was great to tie all these things together because generally when I come down to London for work or a un-conference and there never anywhere near south London let-alone South East. My only wish is that I could have visited a few of the people I had left behind. Would have been great to know what my neighbours were up to now, see how big their kid, etc.