Cocktails to never order, if you can help it

espresso martini with style

I saw this in my feed, 5 Cocktails Bartenders Say They Would Never Order. I had a read and thought I’d add my spin to the list.

Bartenders avoid ordering certain drinks for a number of reasons, be it out of respect for busy staff caught in the middle of a rush or fear of being judged for wanting to drink something that might seem basic or uncool, among other reasons. Of course, many bartenders strive to offer a judgment-free environment to guests both inside and outside of the industry, but drink-shaming still happens, and self-consciousness can get the best of all of us once in a while. Regardless of the rationale, there are a select few cocktails that seasoned bar professionals unanimously steer clear of ordering

Generally the list in the article is…

  1. Ice cocktails
  2. Dirty vodka martini
  3. Anything with an offensive name
  4. Long Island Iced Tea
  5. Ramos Gin Fizz

I am very much in agreement about most of these. When I was behind the bar, I hated making Long Islands or Porn Star martini’s. So when ever I hear seeing them someone order one I can’t help but cringe. Especially the Long Island Ice Tea.

Long Island Ice Tea Jar

Of the many bartenders that Best Life interviewed about the topic of drinks they’d never order, a large number responded with one of history’s most notoriously boozy classics, the Long Island Iced Tea. It’s certainly possible to make a drinkable (and even good) Long Island Iced Tea riff—the traditional includes vodka, tequila, light rum, triple sec, gin, and a splash of cola—but you’d be hard-pressed to find a bartender who would voluntarily order one unless that were the case.

“It’s just a dumb drink that tastes pretty much only like cola, sour mix, and raw booze. It is somehow less than the sum of its parts,” says Dan Adams, a bartender in Florida. Fellow industry pro Cillian Wintula agrees: “I’ll never order a Long Island because there are so [many] tastier ways to get drunk.”

I agree, lots will disagree but sorry anything with vodka, dry gin, tequila and rum is just a total mess. Might as well add some Sambuca for added headache effect? Of all the cocktails, I never understood that one. I also found when left alone for a long while for it to taste very weird depending on how much cola you actually add.

Sour cocktails are great now you can get pre-made egg white. I remember having to make the sours with fresh eggs and thinking, this is a real pain in the backside, as I tried to separate the egg white from the egg yoke in the back of a busy bar. I always thought that place was full of it.

Old fashioned are great (one of my favorite) but I always ask if its a good time to make one in a busy bar. Nothing worst than making one while people scream at you that they just want a beer. Pick your moment.

Bartender

Remember the more of a pain in the backside your cocktail the less love the bartender will spend on it. This also goes for your attitude. Respect and a nice smile goes a long way.

Author: Ianforrester

Senior firestarter at BBC R&D, emergent technology expert and serial social geek event organiser.