Belonephobia

Yes I am fucking terrified of needles. But once again, maybe like 3 times in the last month I have been ill with Flu like symptoms. Sarah assures me that I should have a flu vaccine jab. But she will never ever understand what its like to have such a fear run your life.

I remember I could never watch Trainspotting all the way through because I was so terrified that they would show a needle in someones arm. To that effect the pulp fiction scene where they jam the needle into Mia Wallance (Uma thurman) reduced me to hiding behind the sofa for the rest of the movie. And you know what is odd, I can take anything else but not if it involves a needle.
I choose not to go into past doctor and hospital appointments regarding injections because the stories actually bring back the terror I've come across. Lets say one thing, have you ever been stabbed in the finger with a needle when you were not looking by a doctor? didn't think so…

So what am I going to do about it all? I know I'm going to have to take a shot at some point soon, I'm going to recommend they knock me out first. You know sleeping gas, hit over the head, what ever as long as I dont see or feel the needle going into my arm. I've also been considering the fact of being drunk when I get my next injection, as I wouldn't feel it so much and would be powerless to do anything about it. Next up, brut force. I need like 3 guys to hold my arm down and stop me from moving while the doctor or nurse quickly gives me an injection.

Things I dont understand, why oh why do they have to give you a shot in your arm or your bottom? whats wrong with the leg? Is this the only way to give flu vaccine and other types of vaccines? couldn't I take pills over the course of a month or something else. Seriously I would rather take a pill up my arse that take a shot in my arm. OK and what ever happened to those air vacuum sprays which spray through your skin? I would pay for the privilege of using one of those if it meant I didn't need to have an injection.
I really hate it when people just write off off my fear, there are many people with this fear and you cant just get over it!

Obviously none of this covers giving blood for a blood test, but seriously I can not imagine anything worst than giving blood. Even taking a shot in the arm for a vaccine. For everyone who knows me and may think its funny to show me a needle in real life, let me tell you now its not funny and its not clever. If you threaten me with it you may be suprised when you see rage in my eyes and I will put you down for doing so.

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Author: Ianforrester

Senior firestarter at BBC R&D, emergent technology expert and serial social geek event organiser.