Tag: whopays

Should have gone dutch when I bounced

November 28th

I’m cursing myself for falling for the stupid mistake of paying for the bill in one of my previous dates in the last few months.

My mistake was paying for the bill in total, something which I don’t usually do.

So what happened?

Well we were having a good time, chatting away and I suggested how about having some food? (because we were in a place where we could switch from drinks to food without moving) she agreed, time had flown by and she was also hungry.

After eating and deciding yes its about time we actually went home, we asked for the bill. Bill comes and I can’t remember exactly what happened but I’m pretty sure I said “Hey no worries I got this one…”

Of course I never really heard from her again. Except shes actually a friend of friends (trying not to give away who it was)

Anyhow months later we bump into each other and I ask her what happened?

The crux seemed to be she wasn’t comfortable with being paid for… Something I can relate to, and something which I usually go out of my way to avoid. What had happened is I thought I’d try paying and seeing what happens, maybe things will turn out different if I listened to thoughts of Ngunan Adamu and others over time.

Well I was right! Her original thoughts of a modern gentleman, was dashed when I picked up the whole bill. And the only person to blame is myself… Yes it was a bit of an experiment on my part but it felt weird for me and I assume felt even weirder for her. Its a shame because although not my usual type of woman, I was certainly interested and would have liked to have gone on a second date…

Moral of this little tale… Should have gone Dutch…!

Before entering the dragons den… Radio debate

entering

I sent a email to my friends about my debate on the radio tonight…
Just in-case you didn’t know, I’m due today to debate the topic of “who pays on the first date” with my good internet friend Northern Lass 32 (http://www.theguardian.com/profile/northern-lass). I assume most of you know my feelings about this but I guess debating it live will be tricky, specially against the woman (Ngunan – https://twitter.com/NgunanAdamuBBC) who triggered my whole research into the area. So blame her!
As its her programme, I may take it easy on her but I’m expecting she will cut me off with clever use of the faders if I make a good point 🙂 No idea if theres live calls or if Ngunan has another guest to help her.
Feel like i’m walking into the Dragons Den here…
So I have no idea what’s going to happen tonight but its from about 9pm on BBC Radio Merseyside which I believe goes out live on the internet too (UK only I think) – http://www.bbc.co.uk/radiomerseyside/on-air
Don’t think they make a podcast of the show, so it might be a one time deal sorry…
I will see if I can record it somehow too.
Should be fun 🙂 Please feel free to share it around and listen…

Radio debate: Who pays on the first date?

Well its finally happening…

This Sunday (18th August 2013) evening on BBC Merseyside Radio, myself, Northern Lass 32 and Ngunan Adamu will battle it out to understand who should actually pay on the first date.

Of course I’ll be arguing that we should go dutch, while Ngunan will be arguing that the man should pay. Very sure Northern Lass will not be arguing the view point of the woman should pay. So I may have to bring that side of things up briefly. My research is vast from the stuff I’ve done myself, to the stuff I’ve read, blogged, recorded and of course the feedback gotten. And who could forget the massive trigger of comments Northern Lass kicked off following a early morning breakfast with me.

It might seem like me and Northern lass ganging up on Ngunan but I’m sure she will have support and to be fair its her show plus shes got a loud mouth, so don’t worry it will be a fair fight *smile*. I’m expected to be cut off a few times at least. I’m going to need Northern Lass just to bring some balance…

So if your free on Sunday, don’t forget to listen in and I believe its a live call in, so you could come on and join us. Not sure when its going to happen or how its going to happen but its going to be fun. Lets just hope I can understand Ngunan on air, because I can’t understand a word she says in real life most of the time.

Expect a full blog afterwards…

Who pays on the first date, the discussion intensified

I Think This Date's Going Really Well

So there’s something I’ve been keeping a little secret… I met Northern Lass 32 from the article which irked me a while ago.

When she first contacted me, I was thinking this has got to be a wind up. But she convinced me she was actually real and it was actually her. So we agreed to meet up in FYG on a early Sunday morning.

Now we agreed not to blog or write about things (a gentleman never tells) but Northern Lass and myself did get talking about who pays on the first date. Somewhat ironic being on a date. But to be honest there’s nothing new there, have had quite a few dates where we’ve talked about who pays first.

Later, in the guardian Northern Lass writes about our meeting briefly… inspired by meeting me!

The issue of who pays on a first date is a subject close to the heart of Manchester-based blogger Cubicgarden, who wrote a blog about how my first column had irked him. Which in turn irked me a bit right back. So I got in touch with him to see if we could meet up on a non-date and iron out the irks.

Cubicgarden turned out to be a brilliant chap. He’s a human dating Wikipedia, taking great interest in – and blogging about – everything from the technology to the dynamics involved in meeting someone new. His top topic being Who Pays On A First Date? We debated the topic over breakfast at FYG in the Northern Quarter last week. Personally I don’t like to be paid for on a date; it makes me feel uncomfortable, like you are not parting on an even ground.

In the guardian again but this time not for a poll, backstage related and not as a pin up, must be making progress?

If Northern Lass 32 says she feels uncomfortable, how many other woman feel the same? Here’s my little 100 person poll again.

Who pays on the first date poll

Interesting to see the comments…

MsJess
Surely you just split the bill? I would never expect someone else to pay for me for an entire evening, especially someone who is effectively a total stranger at the start of the evening. I don’t even really understand why “who pays” is a question anymore.

tombyrne1412
Why are you doing something expensive enough to be worried about who pays? Drinks is the only thing you should be doing on a first date, certainly not dinner. I find the attitude some girls have towards a guy paying a little insulting. This is not 1960 any more – I am no more going to pay for a date than you are likely to stay home all day cooking and cleaning!

JacksonPollocksNo5
You should split unless there’s an agreed second date. I hate that you’re expected to pay, it pisses me off. I avoided meals on a first date anyway, there’s no escape.

Henryplant
Flip a coin, the winner pays (not, note, the loser – get off on a better foooting).

Massive thanks to Northern Lass 32! And I can’t believe its at 670+ comments in just over 12 hours since posting…

Who pays on the first date, thoughts of a bisexual lady

Ok you know I’ve covered this subject to death but found it interesting to hear the view from a bi-sexual woman on Channel4’s Bi-Curious show.

The suggestion is that woman dating woman is so much easier because they just go dutch/split the bill… Don’t know if this is true overall but I can believe it…

Who pays on the first date – LSx video

Who Pays On The First Date (Ian Forrester) from LSx on Vimeo.

Imran just uploaded the video from LSx’s ignite talks back in February.

In my memory it felt like years when I accidentally removed the VGA connection while demonstrating the dodge, but in reality it wasn’t so bad on camera. But it certainly did mean I went over my allocated 5mins.

Thanks to Imran for inviting me to do my slightly edgy who pays on the first date talk, which may be the starting point to a much bigger talk about digital relationships (or relationships 2.0) in the future.

Missed my chance to have a wider debate on who pays first?

I very recently got this through my contact me form on my blog,

This is Josh Neicho from Letters at the London Evening Standard, I hope all is well with you. I wanted to forward you our piece today in which two writers address the question of who should pay on a first date. Following your recent talk I would be very interested to hear your thoughts or alternatively a summary of the different points made by people who attended and which you found convincing. I would just be looking for 50-100 words later tonight for tomorrow’s paper.

Unforgivable I didn’t see this till too late. I assume Josh wanted to get it into the Evening standard in time for Valentines day? So I’m still available to do it if Josh is interested?

I could just imagine some of my friends in London such as Cristiano, Sheila, etc picking up the standard on their journey home and doing a 2nd look when reading it. Oh well…!

Although to be honest, I would need to get my sister to check it through before sending it. I was going to prefix anything I wrote with this is coming from a dyslexic guy… I’m sure it would be fine with work, because it would be my own views and certainly not the view of the BBC.

Also a friend from London (don’t want to out them) sent this event also on the same day…

How our relationships and our affections are being moulded by the technology? This session will include insight into affection in the age of social media from a leading consumer research firm. There might just be a few dating tips, too

Would have loved to have gone if I was in London. Also I’ve not seen Mel Kirk for ages…

Reminds me I need to kick off Geeks Talk Sexy season 2 maybe in late March?