Tag: anxiety

Dating a highly masking AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD) woman

Ian and Alison together in the sun

There is something ever so unique about Alison, my loving partner. She is AuDHD (Autistic and has ADHD). Although she hasn’t had an official diagnosis, shes is on a very long list to get these (7 years for ADHD she has been told).

If you were to meet her, its unlikely you would ever know she is AuDHD because shes highly masking through life. Masking is exactly what it sounds like and its super draining. I couldn’t even really understand how draining without Alison breaking it down for me.

Recently she decided to write about this all in a public Facebook post.

My results from the Autistic test

I also took the test Autistic spectrum test Alison mentions and got these results. As you can see mine is quite different from her’s.

Ultimately I stand with her, proud to be her partner and I’m so glad she wrote the post not only to friends and family but to the public.

Alison is wonderful, creative, loving and a joy to be with. The mix of neurodiversity, life experiences, modern values and her personality means our relationship is full of mainly ups and some downs (which relationship isn’t?). I certainly didn’t expect the dopamine filled date nights!

Alison and Ian hang from the London underground ceiling above a tube train.

Neurodiversity is full of stereotypes and misunderstandings. Some of it is ignorance but some of it is deliberately offensive and I’m looking at mainstream media. The social media space has its own problems but you are getting first hand perspectives which are sometimes interesting. Something I might pick up on again in a future blog post.

Till then, have a read of Alisons post and share with others.

Continue reading “Dating a highly masking AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD) woman“

Mobile as a proxy for awkwardness?

Phone Guy

You know the situation when you get into a lift and try not to make eye contact with anybody? The 21 century equivalent has to be, stare at your phone… Check your notifications and see what else is going on with your email or facebook. Because most lifts are mainly mirrored inside, its easy to see someone, looking for something to do. I hate to say it but its shocking how many people don’t have a lock on their phones and the simplicity of the code is crazy (4 ones anybody)

Oh no not you or me! Although to be fair I do when getting the lift down from the carpark at work check google now for what I’m going to be doing today. Not because I feel awkward, but I can’t check when I’m on the scooter driving (even with the pebble watch)

Not you? No of course not!

How about this one then?

Dinner, lunch, tea, coffee, breakfast, $whatever.  with a friend or date, you don’t check the phone as your eating and chatting. No because that would be bloody rude (although I have had a few dates do this and its driven me crazy inside, to the degree that I have had to say something like “oh sorry am I keeping you from somewhere?“)

No… they get up to go to the toilet and the first thing you do is reach for your phone. Either to text, tweet, check your notifications, check you don’t have something out of place in your teeth or just pass the time staring at the screen.

We all have done it! If you haven’t how about the other person. The person in the toilet. You’re all done with what you are doing then after washing and drying our hands (if your one of those flipping filthy people who don’t wash their hands after using the toilet, I have only nasty things to say to you!) After drying your hands looking in the mirror, we tend to reach for the phone. Same reasons text, tweet, check your notifications.

I’m sure you can think of many different other scenarios! Public transport for one. Social anxiety builds and its easier to just stare at the phone and be else where, anywhere? The viewing is different from wanting to retrieve and actively do something.

Our phones have become a proxy for awkwardness not just boredom… Sure Sherry Turkle would have lots to say about this.