There is something ever so unique about Alison, my loving partner. She is AuDHD (Autistic and has ADHD). Although she hasn’t had an official diagnosis, shes is on a very long list to get these (7 years for ADHD she has been told).
If you were to meet her, its unlikely you would ever know she is AuDHD because shes highly masking through life. Masking is exactly what it sounds like and its super draining. I couldn’t even really understand how draining without Alison breaking it down for me.
Recently she decided to write about this all in a public Facebook post.
I also took the test Autistic spectrum test Alison mentions and got these results. As you can see mine is quite different from her’s.
Ultimately I stand with her, proud to be her partner and I’m so glad she wrote the post not only to friends and family but to the public.
Alison is wonderful, creative, loving and a joy to be with. The mix of neurodiversity, life experiences, modern values and her personality means our relationship is full of mainly ups and some downs (which relationship isn’t?). I certainly didn’t expect the dopamine filled date nights!
Neurodiversity is full of stereotypes and misunderstandings. Some of it is ignorance but some of it is deliberately offensive and I’m looking at mainstream media. The social media space has its own problems but you are getting first hand perspectives which are sometimes interesting. Something I might pick up on again in a future blog post.
Till then, have a read of Alisons post and share with others.
For ease and people who can’t access Facebook due to their restrictive nature, I asked Alison if I could make a copy here. She agreed.
From Alison Jackson
I am AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD) and proud 😊
After tons of research, contemplating, reflecting, discussions with friends and family, conversations with several medical professionals. I have decided my truth is that I am AuDHD. (To clarify I do not have an official diagnosis. I am on the waiting list for one but I have been told this will take years. I am not a professional and I am still learning.)
One of the difficulties I have had whilst exploring this, is when discussing this with others they would exclaim in disbelief that this could not be true. They would respond with shock at the very idea that I could be AuDHD. Or even worse they would simply say ‘no you are not’.
I think many of you make this assumption because I am highly masking. This means that I hide my AuDHD qualities or traits because other people have reacted negatively to them. For example I have a complusion for my knife and fork to match but will try to ignore this urge so I don’t seem rude. This may seem a small thing however it makes me feel very stressed and like something bad will happen.
Additionally, a big part of ADHD is having rejection sensitive dysphoria which means I feel a constant need to please people otherwise I experience painful rejection. This means when I receive a criticism or make a mistake (not matter how big or small) it will haunt me for days and I will repeat the situation or circumstance over and over again in my head. Therefore, I try my best to figure out society’s social code and follow ‘what I am supposed to do’.
To further this point another aspect of ADHD can be the need to mirror others. So I pick up on the way other people like to behave or talk and copy their behaviour. This means that others will see me as ‘normal’ or like them. Yet, I am subconsciously putting on a front. I always used to wonder why I felt like a different person around different people and this explains why.
Furthermore, some people have only one vision or experience of what they think Autism or ADHD is and apply this to everyone. Both of them present very differently in each individual. As you can see from the image I have attached this this post there is at least 10 different Autistic symptoms recognised and mine vary between high and low for each one. (https://www.idrlabs.com/autism-spectrum/test.php this is the link for the Autistic Spectrum Test) So just because I do not have as much social difficulty doesn’t mean that I am not Autistic.
Instead of not acknowledging I am AuDHD other people will do the opposite and say things like ‘I think everyone is a little bit Autistic/ADHD’. I find this problematic as it belittles my experiences and struggles. It implies that all my difficulties interacting with the world are just in my head because everyone experiences it. This is not the case and if you feel this way it may be that you have one or the other or both.
In my experience there is nothing more frustrating or invalidating than opening up and being vulnerable with someone for them to be immediately dismissive. Whether it is refusal or assuming that everyone has it.
I do not see either Autism or ADHD as something to be embarrassed about. I do not think of it as a bad thing. I do believe I interact with the world in a different way. However, I think if you know me well you already know this about me.
Several of my friends have had to make adjustments for me for many years. My family have had to do this my entire life. They will say that’s just the way Alison is. I think many of you have noticed there is something different and unique about me and I think my AuDHD contribrutes towards this.
Acknowledging this as my true identity has made me really understand myself. I am proud of who I am so please don’t make me put my mask on. Please allow me to be loved and accepted for who I am. More importantly, I am mostly in a place now where I can love and accept myself and that is one of the greatest things that I could ever hope for. ❤️
As you can tell I could probably say so much more on this topic. I am open to any questions you might have and would love to discuss further if anyone would like to. ☺️ Xx
@cubicgarden so many women I know would relate hard to a lot of her post!