Tag: date

Facebook Timeline Is The Perfect Personal Ad

My Facebook timeline

I said this years ago here as lifestreaming dating…

Facebook’s Timeline and Graph Search is going to change the online dating industry, forever and for the better. People Media, Spark, Cupid PLC and all the other niche networks will popular for years to come, and Match certainly isn’t quaking in their boots.

And I’m not saying that Facebook is going to put the dating industry out of business. What I’m saying is that the layout of the new Timeline is what I’ve been begging the dating industry to do for at least five years and it’s a huge leap in the right direction towards more dynamic and comprehensive profiles. Pair that with Graph Search and Facebook (unintentionally?) becomes the largest dating site in the world, just like that.

I never really followed up on the lifestreaming dating but just watched how Facebook changed more towards social dating and added social graph features.

The romance contraceptive?

DSC_0576

Been reading up lots of stuff about dating and social media recently…

One of the most interesting ones has to be this entry from David Wygant a dating and relationship coach and writes for the New York Times.

Social media is what I’d call a romance contraceptive. It prevents romance from happening every single day.

Every day when I’m out and about, I’ll see people in elevators, I’ll see people in grocery stores, coffee shops, and at restaurants. And they’re all checking Facebook! Or they’re tweeting something to their 3.7 followers. We’ve become a society of people who are obsessed with what’s happening in the imaginary world.

Just the other day, I was in a supermarket in Los Angeles and I saw this guy checking out this girl. He was standing next to her in line at the juice bar. He kept looking at her, and she kept looking down … at the Facebook app on her iPhone.

Now, I know some of you right now are thinking, maybe she wasn’t interested. That wasn’t the issue. Because what I’m about to share with you is something most of you have probably done.

He gave up and disappeared. But I was crazy curious so I stood next to her in line and got real close and peeked at what she was typing into her phone.

Her status update: When am I going to meet a nice guy? It seems like all the good men are taken.

Think about what just happened.

She complained about not finding good men, but here was an interested man, standing next to her. Now, granted, nobody knows if the romance would have worked, but think about this: for every moment that you’re checking your Twitter feed, or your so-called friends’ updates on Facebook, you’re missing another opportunity to connect with somebody in real life … which could be another opportunity to fall in love.

I agree to a certain extend. I already gave a 5min presentation to #smc_mcr urging people to do more in real life. Don’t get me wrong, I also sometimes say “I got to tweet this…” but generally I’m not attached to my phone like some people I know.

We are in a world of flux right now, for some people mobile internet access is a good thing and for others its certainly not. Do you blame the technology or the person? I would say its the person.

Geeky&Sexy… The politics of first time dating

This is Thursday in my busy social week

The politics of paying on the first date?

Following Tuesday’s talk at Preston Social, I was looking forward to deep diving on the politics of first time dating for the new look Geeks Talk Sexy…

We had it all planned out and about 4pm I got a text message from my partner in crime saying she wasn’t able to make it anymore. To be honest I was really really peed at this news. A few weeks back she had told me that she had a funeral on the same day and might not be able to make it. I did say back then, if she can’t make it just tell me but it would be a real let down but I could have struggled through. I mean its devastating when ever anyone dies and to be honest Geeky&Sexy can’t even be considered when something like this happens. However she said she will be there…

Except she wasn’t! The only reason I’m not naming her is because I can’t be bothered with the stress (i’ve had the same thing before remember…)

Anyway, I headed to FYG Deli early as I wanted to work out what I was going to do and have a nice red wine and cheese platter to calm my frustrations. I explained what had happened to the lovely owner and she had a think about the problem. After a while she suggested why don’t the two waitresses do the part which was missing? Brilliant! And after a quick preview of the justification why the guy should pay emailed to me a few days earlier. They gave a look over and went away to do there day jobs.

About 7pm people started arriving, some new faces and some old faces. The great thing is although we had about 15 people (which is nice intimate number) half were female and the other half were male. So we really had a spread of ideas and thoughts.

Kicking off about 7:30pm, once people had settled and got themselves a drink and little snack from FYG’s amazing deli menu. I started the presentation and handed it over to the two FYG waitresses to explain why the man should pay on the first date. They were nervous at first but quickly gained confidence together. I then explained why its best to go dutch or split the bill on the first date. After which I left the question of the woman paying in the air.

The conversations really got going as soon as the waitresses explained why the man should pay. There was very little prompting and poking for peoples views. Everyone felt so very comfortable in the intimate setting of FYG, it all just came out. People were very respectful of other peoples opinions and I swear I had a harder time trying to call breaks and move the topics on to the other aspects of the politics of first time dating. I’m sure if I had left it, we would still be discussing it all till 11pm still.

I know its hard to convey in a blog post after the fact but it was one of the best things I’ve done in March.

Everyone loved it and are looking forward to the next one on Thursday May 3rd. Its going to be at FYG Deli again, topic may change a little to how to end a relationship in the best possible way…

How about we?

How about we

My last date told me about the site http://www.howaboutwe.com yesterday…

Very interesting site, its like OKCupid’s Locale (which is still in beta) but instead of the sudo hook up thing, its done much better and clearer about getting people connected around an event/date. The shared experience is the main point of the site. As it says its self,

“Put the date back in dating”

In actual fact, I found a previous date/friend who wants to go out for cocktails, so of course I registered my interest… 🙂

The weird part is where and how they make money?

It seems its free to ask for a date or to get people together but if you message one person it costs money.

Nope actually its more traditional than I first thought. You still have to pay to even reply to requests to be involved in a date/event. That sucks because now I got about 4 woman who would like to go somewhere and I can’t reply… Shame real shame.

So it really pays to play within their system and not try and talk directly with people. This also means its not exclusively for dating in the traditional sense… For example I could throw out the idea of meeting up to play werewolf in Manchester if I wanted to…

Intriguing business model indeed… and of course they have a iphone app (boring)

I’m signed up for who knows what…

Ketchup and Mustard

Remember when I asked the question multiple times, if I should sign up for a BBC Three ground breaking dating experiment titled, a year of making love?

Well I can tell you I did sign up and I was selected (yes I did tell them I was a BBC employee of course)

That’s about all I know right now… We’ve been asked to keep a date free (best I don’t reveal which one) and await further instructions.

I’m not sure what to expect but I’m nervously looking forward to it as a total experiment. What ever happens, I’m certainly going to be holding it together and not doing anything stupid, even if everyone else chooses to do so. I’ll be holding on to any dignity I have very tightly. Really hoping this is one of BBC Three’s better shows.

Ignite Leeds: Who pays on the first date?

Who pays on the first date?

In my first talk in 2012 and first of a few this month (#smc_mcr and #tedxmanchester to come). I spoke at the excellent igniteleeds.

Unusually I didn’t talk about technology or social change, instead I did a 5min talk about who pays on the first date? Seemed to go well and I even had a woman who admitted publicly she had pulled the whole reaching for her purse waiting for the other person to offer to pick up the whole bill (as per my early slide).

Unfortunately after reaching for my virtual bag while demonstrating the whole reach down, I pulled the VGA cable out of my laptop and had the panic of putting it back and then switching to mirror screen again. Wasn’t a big problem, just meant the whole presentation was over 5mins for sure. Good thing it wasn’t auto advancing, because it would have been real short.

I had a couple of conversations with people afterwards, one was with guy who didn’t see the point in my talk… The other was a guy who said he had this exactly conversation last week with a female friend of his.

The event was real fun and the speakers were varied and each quite different. We had social poetry to diy bio and most things between. It was a good night and I’m happy I was able to speak at the event hosted by the amazing imran ali.

If you found the talk interesting and your around Manchester, we’re planning Geeks Talk Sexy season 2, so keep your eyes peeled.

Next stop #smc_mcr on Tuesday… Perceptive Media…

Should I apply for a BBC Three dating experiment?

I’m trying to decide if I should apply for this groundbreaking dating experiment or rather TV dating show

We’re looking for single people to take part in a groundbreaking dating experiment.

Are you looking for Miss or Mr Right?

Would you like to be set up with your ideal date?

Using the science of compatibility testing, our relationship experts will be creating 500 compatible couples who will meet for the first time at an exciting TV dating event.

This is the week that our compatibility test goes live, so make sure that you don’t miss out on the chance of meeting your perfect date by getting in touch now!

I might not be able to apply due to being a BBC member of staff but you never know… Actually the only reason I’m considering it is because its BBC. However its BBC Three, so who knows what it might end up like.

I’ve asked on Twitter and Google Plus and its been a mixed response, but now the deadline is coming up and I need to decide.

Can I remind you about the last time I was on TV, and that was without me even signing up to anything!

Cutting advice for some single woman

I believe Tara Hunt tweeted a link to the huffington post article titled Why your not married…

When I first started to read the piece, I was on a tram reading it via Readitlater on my Kindle. I was expecting something like the NYtimes piece which I blogged about before. But actually it was something a lot more neutral to me. Anyway I couldn’t help but tweet out certain parts of the article.

Its a rude awakening call for woman who ask themselves why there not married… It boils down to these points

  1. You’re a Bitch.
  2. You’re Shallow.
  3. You’re a Slut.
  4. You’re a Liar.
  5. You’re Selfish.
  6. You’re Not Good Enough.

Exploring just one of the points, in this case the Shallow one…

When it comes to choosing a husband, only one thing really, truly matters: character. So it stands to reason that a man’s character should be at the top of the list of things you are looking for, right? But if you’re not married, I already know it isn’t. Because if you were looking for a man of character, you would have found one by now. Men of character are, by definition, willing to commit.

Instead, you are looking for someone tall. Or rich. Or someone who knows what an Eames chair is. Unfortunately, this is not the thinking of a wife. This is the thinking of a teenaged girl. And men of character do not want to marry teenaged girls. Because teenage girls are never happy. And they never feel like cooking, either.

And you know what, the author Tracy Mcmillan is bang on with this point… So many woman I’ve been out with and there not looking at the character, there looking at all the (in my mind) superficial stuff.

I’m not saying men are much better but in my experience (and I only date women) they seem to fall in to the traps of what our material society says is good. Does he have a good car, does he have nice suits, does he have well groomed hair, etc, etc… Not a thought about whats actually going on inside the shell…

Of course I’d be very wrong to suggest the only reason women are not married is because of these things… in fact there are quite a few woman who don’t want to be married and are against the notion of marriage at all. Its also difficult to meet people and get a better sense of there character without any ego or edge.

Places to meet partners…?

oberlin mudd library 5

I warn you I don’t always follow my own advice, but I had a little read of CTS’s post in the telegraphy titled, If you’re looking for love in London make sure it’s in the right places.

But before I start my comment, I’ve been reading and following (thanks to the forever good friend Kate Norman for the pointer) CTS’s 52 first dates, which really intrigues me and makes me wish I had blogged my many dates…

Here’s the deal. I’ve been single since time immemorial. So, in an attempt to remedy my eternal singledom, and to get over my nauseatingly pathological fear of dates, I’ve decided to challenge myself. The challenge? To go on one first date a week for a year! So in 52 weeks time, I will have either found my Mr Right, or I’ll stay forever Miss Write. This is what happens…

Here are the rules to the 52 First Dates challenge…

1. A first date must be had once a week, EVERY week, for 52 weeks.

2. Taking someone home after a drunken night on the cider does NOT count, otherwise this challenge would just be slutty, and none of us want that do we?!?

3. Second and third dates are allowed, I must continue first dates unless there are exceptional mitigating circumstances. For example, God forbid, the start of a relationship.

4. Each date must be blogged.

Great concept and to be honest I’m kind of hooked reading some of her blog posts… I’m sure I’ll comment more about them in future.

So now on to, places to meet…

in reality, the prospect of catching a fellow passenger’s eye on the Tube is unheard of and the very notion of verbalising a cheeky flirt during rush hour would probably cause the entire Underground system to implode. It just doesn’t happen, it’s not the done thing.

Although I do agree mainly its not totally unheard of… In my time living in London half the time I was married but before that, I had some great experiences communicating with people on the tube. Yes they were very rare but there is nothing better than when the driver/announcer makes a mistake or says something funny. You can’t help but just look at the person opposite you and smile or even laugh. Well next time say something, don’t try and be funny just say something which refers to the current situation. You will be surprised what might happen…

Yes it breaks the silence and yes Londonners don’t talk in public much but hey who knows what can happen if you cease the moment? Reason why I mention it is I’ve met some interesting people on the tube this way. Now to be honest its never been a romantic type of thing but I’m sure with enough times something might have happened…

CTS (really need to find out her real name) ends with this…

Regardless, if you want to meet someone in this heaving city perhaps it’s best to dive right in and see who’s available online. They say there are plenty of fish in the sea but reeling them in at bars and clubs is hard work – online dating could well be the best way to find a lifeguard.

I agree, online has been better but like when me and Sarah first met in reality, that was when things really clicked.

The thing I’ve always done (or at least tried to do) is keep an eye open when you go places you personally enjoy. Chances are if you enjoy that place, the person you want to meet also will be there. So enjoy shopping in ikea, the person you may want to meet is maybe there too. I personally love Manchester’s cafe culture and spend plenty of time hanging out in them, yes nothing to show yet but a few twitter name swaps for example. But likewise if your not a fan of say old man pubs (like me), then its not going to be the kind of place you may want to meet someone else romantically…

I can talk quite a bit about the social objects/places thing but I’ve done enough of that here.

Poll: On the first date who pays?

On the first date, who pays? My Qriously poll

For those who can’t read the poll, 100 people answered from around the world via Qriously the question of who should pay on the first date? Something I talked at length about before.

60% said the man should pay on the first date, 27% said the woman and only 13% said go dutch (thinking I should have put split it instead of go Dutch, to avoid any language misunderstanding). Yes the man should pay is the number one option but what totally surprises me is the small amount of votes for going dutch?

I didn’t tweet the poll and to be honest I forgot to change it because it was meant to be part of the Leeds ignite talk I was going to give on the 15th November. This has now been put back to early next year…

The Insight…
60% (60) people are in favour of The Man (Top Geographies are United States, United Kingdom, India)
13% (13) people are in favour of Go Dutch (Top Geographies are United States, Thailand, India)
27% (27) people are in favour of The Woman (Top Geographies are United States, Spain, Chile)
The poll was answered by 46% Female and 54% Male and the average sentiment is strongly towards The Man
There was 100 Answers and 2,963 Views over only 18mins uptime, not bad for a first time without any additional push from myself.
I will run it again during my talk at Leeds Ignite and change the “go dutch” note and focus it on just the UK and maybe Europe?

 

 

On your first date? The man must pay?

::Throughout life you will meet one person who is like no other,,, ::

I was in a meeting today with 3 female collages (I won’t say which ones for now) about BarCampMediaCity and somewhere along the conversation we got talking about my love life… don’t ask me how we got there but something happened…

One of the ladies said something about first dates and I replied saying I’ve got some crazy experiences over the last few years I’ve been dating. We had a brief chat and somewhere along the conversation she said something which I had to unpick.

It came about that she believed that on the first date, men should always pay for the meal.

I was shocked! Like totally dumbfounded…

So shocked I had to pose the question on twitter… a few people replied including my sister and very good friend.

I can’t believe in 2011 we still have these old fashioned views. I was under the illusion that woman had moved on and wasn’t buying all this chauvinistic crap. I was also under the illusion that insisting to pay for the whole dinner put the woman in a difficult position, like you owe the man something.

It turns out I might have been wrong all this time.

But to be honest, I say rubbish… This sounds like something straight out of the rules.

I might be wrong but I certainly like to think the woman I go out with are not bound by such frankly stupid ideology. Its 2011 for goodness sake! I can make a lady feel better in much better ways than paying for her meal. I mean, come on… Is she meant to be grateful that I unimaginatively paid for her meal instead of something creative and from the soul?

Just because I don’t pay for the whole meal doesn’t mean I’m not into you, maybe I respect you so much that I’m not going to undermine you by paying for the whole bill. I understand you have a great job and would like to share the bill with me also out of respect…

Maybe in there lies my problem, I show too much respect for woman and I should also adopt this chauvinistic take? To be fair its worked for lots of my other friends but I deep down like to think the woman who I end up growing old with (in the end) is smart enough to see through this crap and is happy to take her own path and make her up her own mind. Not be pressured by this old fashioned legacy…

What do other people think? Should I cover the costs of all the dates I go on? It certainly will restrict how many dates I will go (time to loose the serial dater tag then) on in the future if so…

Lastly this is certainly something for the 2nd season of geeks talk sexy… Maybe its time to start thinking about it

Continue reading “On your first date? The man must pay?“

5 reasons why I can’t date muggles

Geek dating?

From Tara Hunt, 5 reasons why I can’t date muggles

  1. We speak a different language: just today I told a nice man who wants to meet me for coffee that I couldn’t because I had the Montreal Python meetup to go to. His response? “You are into snakes?!”
  2. The most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me is to use my avatar in the mockups of their web app. Flowers, poetry and the like just can’t quite measure up anymore.
  3. A list of some of the stuff that turns me on: hackathons, data, a vigorous debate on web standards, competing for the most badges on Foursquare, pushing to production from dev…see?
  4. Most men are uncomfortable with our arguments being resolved on Quora.
  5. I kinda want to use the Angry Birds theme as my first wedding dance someday.

Bonus: using the word muggle brings on puzzled looks in the first place!

Entertaining slight of words by Tara Hunt, glad she shared it with the world (outside of FB). I would suggest I have a list like this…

  1. We think about different things: I don’t care about xfactor or what the latest soap/pop sensation is going through on ITV2.
  2. One of the most romantic thing you can do for me is: Organize a candle lit game of werewolf with a bunch of friends in a park late one summer night.
  3. This is the list of things which attracts me: Intelligence, the ability to truly inspire, hacking and educating others to hack, sharing useful knowledge.
  4. Most woman I’ve met are uncomfortable with the transparency of my social life. (but maybe thats a good thing).
  5. I am a geek but not a stereotype, I certainly will be dancing well to snap rhythm is a dancer at my next wedding.