Tag: relationships

Paying the Price of Admission

It was my ex-wife Sarah who introduced me to Dan Savage many years ago. She use to listen to his radio show and podcasts about life and relationships. Ever since I have kept a ear out for his insightful notes on relationships and life.

Paying the price of admission is a fascinating idea.

…the personal sacrifices, large and small, that make long-term relationships possible. For some, the price of admission—what it costs to ride a particular ride—includes “taming one’s sexual desire for the sake of another.”

I would say this is the compromise, but it always sounds like a negative thing. And to be fair theres a lot of negativity towards compromises.

The price of admission sounds a lot more like a neutral and when ever I hear it, I think roller coasters and that can’t be a bad thing…. *smile*

The other thing I find fascinating about the price of admission is the notion of act as if or fake it till you make it.

…the idea is to go through the routines of life as if one were enjoying them, despite the fact that initially it feels forced, and continue doing this until the happiness becomes real. This is an example of a positive feedback loop.

Its makes clear sense when thinking about one person but is really interesting when thinking both people in a relationship is doing this for the benefit of their partner first and themselves secondly.

Dating, lies and algorithms the primeconf talk

The short talk I did for Primeconf is now live like most of the talks on the site. I blogged about the conference here already but its funny looking at the talk from a audience point of view. Not only because there is a 3min section which is dropped in to cover some technical problem, but also because I now notice the lack of smooth transitions between sections. Putting in the books as reference was somewhat missed too, which is a shame.

I didn’t know I was running over, as the mac timer said 6:50 mins when I finished. I certainly wouldn’t have elaborated on certain areas if I knew the time. Its always best to have a countdown clock somewhere very visible for speakers. Must remember to never trust a mac with keynote…¿

So as a whole and based on the fact it is a subset of a much deeper talk. Its not bad. It would be good to explore in more detail some of the sections and bring in some of the video evidence I have. But alas that’s for another day maybe…

Thanks again to Thayer and the prime team for the invite, the amazing venue and recording the talk. The other talks are well worth watching.

The tainted eyes of the beholder

GeekGirlCon_2013 132

At breakfast today with Chris and Kat, we were talking about previous people we’ve been out with and the question of chemistry. I mentioned the eye of the beholder and how everyone has a different things they like. Therefore the chemistry is going to be different too.

Kat agreed and gave a great example, which I hadn’t ever thought about.

Do you think people who you found attractive become almost ugly at certain times? Like if they cheat on you…?

And she makes a great point. Perception is a interesting thing. Someone which seems great, then becomes tainted because of their actions. And I think Tainted is the right word too, because it becomes impossible to see them as attractive again ever after. No matter what people say or think.

Automated messages with feelings

Josh and a few others introduced me to BroApp today…

BroApp is your clever relationship wingman. Select your girlfriend’s number, create some sweet messages, and set the time of day when you want those messages sent. BroApp takes care of the rest.

The android only (at the moment) app will send your partner sweet nothings on an automated schedule. It has some nice features like it can use geofencing to not send messages when your too close to your home for example. As a whole, its a very cut down version of tasker or locale. Both can be setup to do this and a whole ton of other things.

I won’ t lie when I first came across it, I laughed out loud and the video makes it sound even worst!

Its easily laughable but i wonder about how far off is broapp from FB or G+ suggesting you say happy birthday to a friend? Automation of human relationships is uncomfortable but a interesting point. No one likes to know they are part of an automated process but maybe once we get over ourselves? Or maybe its just the way things are? Human relationships can’t be boiled down to an automated process… I hope.

Reminds me of the question of can you match people with an algorithm? And my post about technology assisted dating. If its even slightly possible for them, maybe it could actually work. But hopefully not so you can spend more time with the bro’s! Have a bloody heart!

Questions Women In New Relationships Have

Single Black Male, why do you make me laugh so much but also shake my head so much?

For example here’s a post which had me doing both… 40 questions women in new relationships have answered. Here are the best/worst questions and answers with my own thoughts underneath. Check out the site for more…

3. How do I know if he’s just using me for sex?
He’s not. You can easily find someone to have meaningless sex without a title. (Note: If you are the type to call someone your boyfriend without actually having a conversation about it, then he may be using you for just sex and you rationalize it by calling him your boyfriend. Don’t worry it’ll make sense later.)

I see the logic, and to be honest its not far wrong

4. At what point is it appropriate to have the “where is this going” talk?
Whenever you want it to end.

5. Should I initiate that discussion or should he?
See above.

This one had me in stitches… But beyond the instant humor, that where is this going talk, certainly puts most people on the edge. You should know where its going and shouldn’t have to directly ask like that really.

8. What did he find when he Googled my name?
The same thing you’d find if you Googled your name. (PS – Stop Google’ing mofos! In a world that is losing all sight of tradition, can we at least keep face-to-face interaction as the best source of getting to know a person?!)

Keep googling but for goodness sake talk to your partner before jumping to conclusions. They deserve the right to explain themselves, even if you don’t like it.

12. Why did his last relationship really end?
The two of them were not meant to be. If you give it time, he’ll either tell you or you’ll stop worrying about it.

FFS! Stop worrying…

15. How long do we have to date before I meet his friends?
Not long but most men aren’t trying to hide you from their friends as much as they’re trying to protect you from their friends.

16. If he hasn’t invited me to meet them yet, is it because I embarrass him?
See above.

17. Why hasn’t he texted me yet? I hope he’s not with someone else.
Stop being paranoid.

Hearing this one…:) Sometimes there is a whole story which needs to be told before you can meet someone and explain the relationship. The embarrassment thing is unlikely unless you have weird quirks? And instead of “stop being paranoid” you should read about inner tantrum.

20. What if he thinks some of my friends are hotter than me?
He does, get over it.

Damm lay it out straight… 🙂

23. How he would he propose to me?
You’re getting way too far ahead of yourself.

24. Better yet, how much he would spend on a ring?
See above.

Seriously to both questions?

31. I wonder what his ex-girlfriend looks like?
Stop lying, you’ve got Facebook like the rest of us.

Indeed! Just like you googled his/her name, damn straight you did! See number 8.

37. Do I embarrass him?
Do you talk when you’re out with him? Yes? Then, yes.

Oh man… 🙁

39. What would he do if I slipped a finger in his ass while we’re doing it?
Either punch you in the face, blow his load, or reveal to you that he’s bisexual.

Oh man! Rolling on the floor laughing at this one, seriously…! LOL

About time, chick-flick with a big message

About Time

I watched About time which is self described as being from the creator of Love Actually, Notting Hill and Four weddings and a Funeral.

The tagline is: A new funny film about love. With a bit of time travel. And you know what kind of a sucker I am for Time Travel, but I wasn’t convinced till I read a brief review.

There must be a reason for its 7.8 imdb rating. Well this sums it up…

The main reason I’m writing this review is due to the fact that most of the negative reviewers on IMDb seem to have missed the point of this film entirely. I’m not going to go into much detail as I think the film speaks for itself (and I hate it when people put spoilers in their reviews).

It’s not a romantic comedy as most would have you believe. It’s a comedy/drama that revolves around the relationship between a father and son. The romantic themes are just a small part of this great film.

Once you stop thinking of it as a rom-com you will see the brilliance of it all. It’s not the greatest film of all time, it’s not the prettiest, the funniest or the best written.

What it is is a heartfelt tale of a father/son relationship. The time travel elements are just a plot device, the romance, just a plot device. It’s laugh out loud funny in spots and tear-jerking in others. It’s well written, but still light and breezy when it needs to be.

Look past the surface of this film and feel the emotion that these fine actors bring to the screen. Let go and just enjoy it for what it is.

And that person was right. The time traveling part was interesting but then a certain thing happens and your questioning what you would do. But the things which are really noteworthy for me is the message about life and the relationship with his father in the later parts of the film.

There’s a couple great quotes in the film and here’s one near the end…

Tim: We’re all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is do our best to relish this remarkable ride.

The Internship: Connecting people to information

The Internship Intl Poster

I watched the internship, nick named the Google movie a while back. If you haven’t seen it, I will warn you there maybe spoilers in this post.

Connecting people to information that’s what we do at Google…

Although I’m aware of some of the problems with Google, specially when it comes to Data collection (although they got nothing on the NSA) I’m somewhat sympathetic to the higher level value. And although I do have certain issues with Google, I’m generally neutral to positive about what they do. Watching the internship, I didn’t expect to be coming out the cinema thinking super positive thoughts.

Theres a number of negative ways you can look at the film…

  1. Sitcom rubbish
  2. Google propaganda
  3. American dream nonsense
  4. An advert for Google, which I paid to watch
  5. An alternative world which doesn’t exist

But while I watched, I enjoyed. Not only that, I was sitting in a cinema with a ton of older people who might actually identify themselves closer to the characters than my internet enabled self.

The internship is a simple hero’s journey film…

Billy (Vince Vaughn) and Nick (Owen Wilson) are salesmen whose careers have been torpedoed by the digital world. Trying to prove they are not obsolete, they defy the odds by talking their way into a coveted internship at Google, along with a battalion of brilliant college students. But, gaining entrance to this utopia is only half the battle. Now they must compete with a group of the nation’s most elite, tech-savvy geniuses to prove that necessity really is the mother of re-invention.

Of course at the end, Billy and Nick gain internships after the rollercoaster journey they take, yada yada…

So what surprised me is and made it interesting was…

  1. A strong rally cry for diversity
    This is very strong, and although it can be seen as the usual sitcom setup (look at the big bang theory for example) what makes it intriguing is it being at Google. A place seen as quite elite and somewhat pushy about qualifications and which university you came from? I remember in the early days talk of 7-9 interview rounds and very choosy selections. The idea of a group of quite diverse in age, gender and race in Google, still fills me with an element of oh really?
  2. A emphases on real-world experience
    Most of the film there are great views of the google campus but surprisingly there are lots of scenes outside the campus. At one point the diverse team we’re following through the film are sitting watching the sunrise above the golden gate bridge. One of the characters known for looking at his phone all the time, turns to Nick and says he would like to stay a little longer. Taking in the current/now. Also this is explicitly told when Neha turns to Billy at the strip club (whaaat theres a strip club in the google movie? yeah I know!) and says that despite her rich virtual/fantasy life, she has no real-world experience. This could almost be an advert for schemer.
  3. Ideas from elsewhere
    As said before a good section of the film exists outside the google campus, not only that. There is the notion that ideas come from it rather than just the googleplex. Lyle’s drunken antics inspire the team to create an app that guards against reckless phone usage while drunk. Theres also lots of references to the knowledge characters have from previous experiences, as you’d expect I guess.
  4. The fact there is a scene in a strip club
    This shocked me, not only was there a scene in a strip club but some of the strippers were actually topless. Although this is part and parcel of a sitcom, I didn’t imagine google would be that comfortable with this? Theres even a small joke about one of the guys who ends up in the toilet drying himself under the hand dryer for obvious reasons. Once again part of parcel of a Vince Vaughn sitcom but not what I expected Google or even most corporations to let slide.
  5. And not just one but two relationships
    So you got all this real good memes about diversity, real world experience mixed up with in a sitcom and then they throw in not just one but two love stories. Nick casing a geek sexy Dana and Lyle getting his geeky charm on with Marielena. We’re not talking an episode of Dates but the thread of love is nicely handled. Lyle’s love interest also highlights the just be yourself quality too.
    Yes could be corny and talk about the non-love relationships between characters like Headphones tutoring Billy but thats best left alone.

The internship surprises and puts a smile on your face. It certainly warms the relationship with google, which I guess is the main point. If Vince Vaughn convinced Google of that fact, then he succeeded. The film will feel dated in years to come and is never going to win any awards but with a IMDB rating of about 6.3 its certainly way above most sitcoms and even most films out there.

Oh by the way, although Tiya Sircar as Princess Leia was funny. I would rather have seen more of Geeky Dana… Oh Google if only you were using Perceptive Media eh?

Relationship fuss

32/365 Status Update

People who have been in a relationship of what ever kind for more that 5 years are lucky. Yes they are matched with someone significant but they don’t have to go through the fuss or even hell of announcing it on fb.

Recent research suggests that the decisions people make about whether and how to represent their love lives on Facebook can often be quite telling. For example, my colleagues and I found that people who post a “Single” relationship status on Facebook have more sexual partners between relationships than those who opt out of posting “Single” on their profile. We also found that people who disclose that they are “In a Relationship” on Facebook also report being more committed to that relationship. Even among married people, we found that those whose primary Facebook photos include their spouses are less likely to split up 6 months later

With previous girlfriends, it was carefully chosen when to change fb statuses. I usually change mine to prove I was no longer dating.

The act of publicly publishing your status (even subconsciously) has a massive profound effect… going by this study a positive effect?

I believe this also applies to publishing things like your new years resolutions. Which I have done for years.

Openess when it matters most?

I’ve been thinking about the fact I’m now in a relationship with a lovely woman and no longer on the dating market but the weird thing is, we met via a friend of a friend not online dating or speed dating etc…

I know everyone says, “when your not looking it will happen” but frankly I can call balls on that theory (in my case at least). I may not have met Laura unless I was openly dating and discussing my experiences on twitter.

This openness has its advantages and disadvantages I’ve found… But for all the taking the piss out of myself (you know who you are), I feel like I’ve helped people to be more open with there inner thoughts.

So while reading along together again…it got me thinking…

I thought long and hard before submitting the above to Marco. Divorce is a subject that, despite its sad prevalence, remains taboo. Divorce is generally discussed behind closed doors, on long phone calls, or via whispers in crowded restaurants. I do not regret my decision to be public about my experience, though. I received many responses, often from people who are going or had gone through something similar. Those people found comfort in knowing that they were not alone, and that is justification enough.

Me and Laura are divorcées and I maintain the fact you will never know how bad things can get until a divorce. I do feel slightly sad I didn’t share more at the time but it was a shame thing. No one wants to talk openly about the end of a relationship but in actual fact thats when we probably need to talk and be open the most.

Anyway its a good read and raise a number of interesting thoughts… Of course I hope to never experience divorce again…

Relationships 2.3 – Breaking up is hard to do?

Relationships 2x3

This time we tackle the difficult subject of how to split up in the best way possible.

So how did the rules & the game one go?

It went well, we started a little later than expected and once again my partner in crime failed to turn up (I’m pretty much fed up of her, so I won’t be doing it with her ever again). We had about 18 people again and the gender split was actually towards the female this time around.

The difficult subject of the rules and the game was dissected by the crowd and there was a interesting debate starting to happen around multiplication and uneven relationships. Unfortunately some of the debate was over powered by certain people. I didn’t do a very good job giving everyone a go. But alas we learn and next time I’ll be more cutting with allowing other people to voice their own views.

There was criticism that everything was setup for straight relationships. Although the rules and the game applies to heterosexual and homosexual relationships. Of course the purpose of the night was to highlight how stupid both books are, and actually how much money is being made off the back of these generic rules and tactics.

We never got down to the more thoughtful stuff (such as Real Social Dynamics) but hey maybe thats for another month.

This time around instead of seeking inspiration (as such) from How to loose a man in 10 days and he’s just not that into you (has a fantastic opening which points to why lots of women love the guys who treat them bad?) It will be the breakup artist and must be seen in full a complete history of my sexual failures (going to have fun showing parts of that one for sure)..

Of course you can join us and have your say by signing up for a free ticket on Eventbrite. Theres also more information on Eventbrite, Facebook and Lanyrd

On your first date? The man must pay?

::Throughout life you will meet one person who is like no other,,, ::

I was in a meeting today with 3 female collages (I won’t say which ones for now) about BarCampMediaCity and somewhere along the conversation we got talking about my love life… don’t ask me how we got there but something happened…

One of the ladies said something about first dates and I replied saying I’ve got some crazy experiences over the last few years I’ve been dating. We had a brief chat and somewhere along the conversation she said something which I had to unpick.

It came about that she believed that on the first date, men should always pay for the meal.

I was shocked! Like totally dumbfounded…

So shocked I had to pose the question on twitter… a few people replied including my sister and very good friend.

I can’t believe in 2011 we still have these old fashioned views. I was under the illusion that woman had moved on and wasn’t buying all this chauvinistic crap. I was also under the illusion that insisting to pay for the whole dinner put the woman in a difficult position, like you owe the man something.

It turns out I might have been wrong all this time.

But to be honest, I say rubbish… This sounds like something straight out of the rules.

I might be wrong but I certainly like to think the woman I go out with are not bound by such frankly stupid ideology. Its 2011 for goodness sake! I can make a lady feel better in much better ways than paying for her meal. I mean, come on… Is she meant to be grateful that I unimaginatively paid for her meal instead of something creative and from the soul?

Just because I don’t pay for the whole meal doesn’t mean I’m not into you, maybe I respect you so much that I’m not going to undermine you by paying for the whole bill. I understand you have a great job and would like to share the bill with me also out of respect…

Maybe in there lies my problem, I show too much respect for woman and I should also adopt this chauvinistic take? To be fair its worked for lots of my other friends but I deep down like to think the woman who I end up growing old with (in the end) is smart enough to see through this crap and is happy to take her own path and make her up her own mind. Not be pressured by this old fashioned legacy…

What do other people think? Should I cover the costs of all the dates I go on? It certainly will restrict how many dates I will go (time to loose the serial dater tag then) on in the future if so…

Lastly this is certainly something for the 2nd season of geeks talk sexy… Maybe its time to start thinking about it

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Geeks talk sexy part4: The dynamics of relationships

Chris and Simon

Ed and Alice live together and will soon marry. She decides she’d like more sexual experiences before settling down with the man she loves, so she convinces Ed they should “see other people” (as in, sex with strangers), even as they continue to live together and plan the wedding. They discuss it. Each knows someone who thinks this idea is cool; each has a friend who thinks they’re nuts. Things start reasonably well, but soon their relationship goes awry. Can the genie get back in the bottle and Ed and Alice return to companionship – or does seeing other people put an end to how Alice and Ed used to be?

Geeks talk sexy part 4, kicked off with a edited version of the film, seeing other people. This time it was a slightly lower key affair with a total of about 12 people showing up to find out what the dynamics of relationships meant.

The dynamics of relationships started without the wonderful Samantha Bail (Sam has a university course she needed to spend far more time on, shes ignored it for too long really). We (me and Simon, who has helped out with geeks talk sexy from near the start) weren’t sure if she was the reason for the large turn outs earlier but it was a quieter more intimate event this time, which actually worked out nicely.

Right from the start we asked some very challenging questions about previous relationships and there thoughts about monogamy. We always planned to discuss in the first half about relationships including hacking them. Then in the second half about non-monogamy.

So in the first half, we de-constructed what it means to be in a relationship… At one point we started to project manage a relationship using planner (which is like Microsoft project). Assigning time information to tasks, we were able to see if Agile methodology could be applied to relationships? The idea seems to work quite well but applying the time information was challenging to say the least. For example, there was a question: At what stage do you change your facebook status to say your in a relationship? And do you say in a relationship with person x? On top of that, we explored hacks people use in relationships. Someone suggested sending flowers to the other person, and this was followed up with a discussion of applying this to a cron. Now thats hacking a relationship…!

Up to that point we talked about relationships in a monogamous way. Now we were asking people to think out side the box. In the break we played the 4thought with Clair Lewis.

Clair Lewis from Manchester has two partners, Phoebe and Gordon, and cannot understand why anyone would have a problem with her loving two people at once

After the break and a cocktail later, we were deep in discussion about  the map of non-monogamy. There was plenty to be said… too.

Before long we were on to the special guests (Chris & Simon) who explained how they went from a everyday married couple to become poly. A very interesting tale of love, trust, commitment, compromise and  understanding. Simon said it right when he explained you can love more that one person… You love your parents, your sister/brother, your children, your partner. A relationship isn’t just sex, love takes many different forms.

People later added there own experiences to the mix and before you knew it, we were all questioning our own thoughts about monogamy and would we be able to manage having a non-monogamous long term relationship, and if so which type? I certainly think the Unicorn Polyamory would be high on a lot of men’s lists, but as Louise said… Its called that because its not reality…

Lots to discuss and simply not enough time to discuss it in… It was over the road to Common to continue the conversations till the late hours of Saturday night… The event was a great success, its just a shame we had so few people this time around.

Another great Geeks talk sexy… and maybe the end of our regular scheduled sessions this season. However there’s at least one more, this time a flirt & walk workshop with Nicole from Flirtology and the art of the pickup with our budding pickup artists Simon & Andy. Places are very limited, but expect a grand end to season one…

Continue reading “Geeks talk sexy part4: The dynamics of relationships“

Geeks talk sexy part 4: The dynamics of relationships

Geeks talk sexy 4

Photo credit – virginsuicides

Its that time again… Yes geeks talk sexy time… Sign up here.

In this Geeks talk sexy, we will de-construct what it means to be in a relationship. In a frank, geeky and enlightening way, we will explore the notion of relationships between one person and another. And ask the eternal question – Why should relationships be any different from a complex piece of code?

  • How do you decide your in a relationship?
  • At what date do you pose questions?
  • How do you deal with the differences?
  • What kind of life hacks do you apply to relationships?
  • Can you apply agile methodology to relationships?

Then when you think we’ve gone too deep, we’ll be thinking way outside the box by exploring what its like to have a relationship not based on the concept of monogamy.

This is certainly not for the faint hearted but there’s no doubt its going to be another eye opening geeks talk sexy. Next stop agile relationships…

Its going to be a good one, and look out for part 5 as its not long after. (keep May 7th free if possible) You can also follow the twitter account for geekstalksexy or the subscribe to the official geekstalksexy tumblr blog.

Geek talk sexy part 3: LGBT stand proud

Plastic love

photocredit : bresc

After the overwhelming success of the last geeks talk sexy part 2, we planned to cover LGBT. But there was a certain amount of worry that we were not going to be able to give it the justice that it deserves, simply because neither me, Samantha or Hwayoung were lgbt. Even Simon who joined the team after part 1, was neither. So this was really shooting in the dark for a lot of us.

The fear grew over the coming weeks as the geeks talk sexy got retweeted around. Technicalfault gets a mention here for his crazy amount of retweeting. At some point the event ended up attached as the pre-bollox club event and on the official canal street facebook page. The fear was more about people overrun by people who were expecting a discussion about LGBT generally rather that in the context of geek culture, but we neither have feared it all worked out great and we had our most successful geeks talk sexy to date.

Geeks talk sexy part 3

We started late but setup quickly while quite eager people turned up and started to chat. After a weird rearrangement of the tables (blame Samantha for her double rainbow idea) and a series of questions on the projector. We kicked off with me showing the BBC Three documentary from Dawn Porter goes Lesbian a while ago. While we put the finishing touches to everything you couldn’t help but laugh at some of the things Dawn was saying on the documentary. Its really interesting how attitudes have changed.

We started when our special guest for the evening Ben Light turned up.

At the start the crowd of almost 40 people (best turn out to date by a bit) were a little quiet as we explained like the last one, we want to frame the discussions around geek culture oppose to the wider society. So after the recap we kicked started everything by reading out what peoples answers were to the questions we asked at the very start. Unfortunately I put up a earlier presentation and so the questions weren’t exactly what I was thinking, but we did get a general answer to how do/have you meet partners? Generally it was the same as the male and female answers from part 2, which makes total sense. I was hoping for some slightly different answers but everyone was very sensible with the answers.

Then started a conversation about the term LGBT after admitting I had never heard the term before till a volleyball player told me the Manchester Jump team was LGBT. The debate is pretty much the same one that is on the wikipedia page for LGBT. Some said Gay was a better term and some said Queer was even better still.

After this we got on to the debate over Bisexual relationships. I stuck up a post from the Savage love which was pointed to by quite a few blogs I had seen while doing research. The notion that Bi-sexual people were confused or greedy was quickly crushed by many and the similarities between straight, gay, lesbian, bi, etc relationships were discussed in some detail. I threw in a couple of bombs here and there in the way of the Kinsley scale and Bisexual erasure but everyone was pretty much agreed on most subjects except dating profiles with spelling mistakes.

This cause quite a bit of heated discussion and I would have loved to let it continue but we were already running late and the break was rapidly approaching. Hey and who couldn’t resist the lovely cocktails which were available for a generous donation to madlab.

Geeks talk sexy part 3

Pina Gaylada, L33t Lesbian, Manchester Trans tea and Bigrasm were the order of the day at the cocktail bar. While people tucked into there cocktails, we setup the 1 minute rants section. To be fair we didn’t have many of them but the lies and lack of english on profiles came up again. I had a good old rant back about people getting far too touchy about spelling. Before you knew it we were on to our special guest Ben Light.

Geeks talk sexy part 3

Unforgeable we had some nasty technical problem. Ben used Apple keynote to do is presentation and so we had to use Samanaths MacBook to do the presentation. What followed were a ton of different problems related to the lack of Video memory (who ever says it just works with Apple devices is seriously deluded and should have witnessed the systematic errors Ben and Samantha had to deal with). Anyway in the end, we got it working by reducing the screen resolution down to 800×600 and bouncing back and forth on the PDF instead of the keynote.

Ben focused on LGBT characters in video gaming and it was a fascinating talk (don’t think I’ve ever seen him give a average talk!) Even with the technical difficulties, he was able to show some interesting examples of LGBT characters in popular video games. (I will link to the presentation once Ben posts it to me). The presentation spurred a ton of interesting questions but we had to cut them short because we were running about 40mins late by that point.

After Ben and the Q&A it was a matter of pointing people to common bar as usual. Where conversations continued deep into the night.

I’d like to publicly thank everyone who made it to the event and made it our most popular event to date. Special thanks to Ben Light for the look at the questionable role of LGBT characters in mainstream video games.

Geeks talk sexy part 3

Part 4 is still being resolved but we’re certainly going to delve into the world of Poly relationships in geeks talk sexy part 4: the dynamics of relationships.

Geeks Talk Sexy2: The Other Half of the Population

People in circles

We said geeks talk sexy would be back bigger and better… and it certainly did.

This time we focused on the other half of the population (woman) and the focus paid off greatly.

So to start with, we took on most of the feedback from the first one. One of the critical points was shifting from one subject to another too quickly and losing the crowd as we transitioned around the world of geeks and sex. This time it was much easier to stick to one subject as we digged deeply into the world of what its like to be a geek woman and a geek man in 2011.

The event started like the last one. Cocktails were served as people turned up and chatted in little circles. We played a documentary from Channel4 titled Love Virtually to get people in the mood, while myself and Samantha got setup. The choice of cocktails included the Geek Girl and the Geek Guy.

Geek talk sexy drinks

By the time we got started, the room was nice and full with people sat around a massive communal table. We hadn’t quite got through to our special guest yet but it was on with the show. This time we had a lovely presentation which gave people an idea of where we were going and roughly how far we had gotten through everything.

While Samantha kicked off proceeding with a discussion around peoples experiences with the opposite sex, I was contacting our special guest – the ever transparent Tara Hunt.

We compiled a list of things from the audience of things not do when trying to have a romantic relationship with the other sex.

  • Wear Clothes
  • Don’t Google people (unless you need there contact details)
  • Don’t try living your life by the game
  • Don’t post pictures of you with your ex on a dating site
  • Don’t post old photos (its just creepy seeing people as children)
  • Don’t lie
  • Don’t use text speak
  • Don’t be rude
  • Be Pleasant and polite
  • Don’t be a tool
  • Be polite

We also asked everyone to write down where they have met previous or current boy/girlfriends. We got some, well lets say interesting answers back. (worth noting there all done in secret)

  • When out farming (really?)
  • Online dating (Ok cupid got a mention)
  • By joining clubs and societies
  • Through mutual friends and acquaintances
  • In Bars/Pubs
  • Through work
  • Round the back of Piccadilly station
  • At LARP events
  • At Festivals
  • While drunk
  • Via the Vax mainframe email system at the Polytechnic
  • Cafes (but that person made it clear its not working as they have been single for 4 years)
  • Via Partners (interesting one this one)
  • At Events
  • At Parties including the Christmas Party

Interestingly someone wrote on there piece of paper, “did you want to know about same sex partners too?” This will be picked up in the next month.

By the time we got to the book the game. Things had turned very heated in the room. From memory it seems most the woman had never heard of the game or of the idea of a pickup artist. This of course much debate. One woman declared anyone who has used the game to pickup woman must be some what sad. But at the same time, her partner also raised his hand to say he was aware and may have rustled through the pages of the Game at one point. You can imagine that would be a difficult discussion to have later.

But there was no time for that, it was time for a breather and a refill on the cocktails. While everyone got more drinks, I got everything setup with Tara Hunt on skype. I’m actually surprised it all went really well and she could hear us perfectly well. The only issue was the bandwidth didn’t seem to be there for video but audio was great. As the break ended, it was time for the 60 second rants. And boy we had some juicy ones.

One of the most interesting rants came from Ara who talked about the serious lack of porn for women, something I have to be honest I’ve never really thought about. But she was right, beyond the usual stereotypes there seemed to be not much. Em gave a rant about online dating in general which got me for one going. Chris also added a different perspective covering online dating from a poly perspective. Another one of those things which I’d never really considered. There were of course more, but I never got the chance to give mine which is maybe a good thing.

geek talk sexy2

Listening in to the rants was Tara Hunt on skype and it was time to un-mute her and ask her to explain her story. As she told her story, there were gasps and looks of horror how someone could be so open it hurts when she talked about her relationship and showed the site. It really set in when Tara asked me to show her post titled “5 reasons why I don’t date muggles.” People were able to ask Tara afterwards about her love life and how she copes. I actually wished I’d recorded the whole thing using Skype Recorder because there was some great questions and some even better answers from Tara.

After thanking Tara, it was time for the wrap up and a brief mention about the 3rd part of the series.

Yes in the next one, we’ll be going deep into the LGBT geek scene. Luckily we have help from others who are much more knowledgeable that myself, Samantha or Hwayoung. After the 3rd one, we’re unsure if we should do one more on Poly relationships (which seem quite common in geek culture it seems) and other types of relationships or what. At some point we’re looking to bring London flirt club to Manchester and do some geek speed dating but all will be revealed in the near future.

Generally this event was much better than the last one simply because we had all the elements to keep us focused. Having a Tara as the guest also really helped everyone think about this matter in a much deeper level. Ultimately the discussions continued very into the night at Common Bar afterwards. Everyone had a great time and we look forward to part 3…

What is that stuck in his pint?

Continue reading “Geeks Talk Sexy2: The Other Half of the Population“