Animals of the online dating world

cabbage patch cat.

Iz in youz inboxz with the veg, wat u gonna do?
No wonder your single…

I had never come across A(n)nals of Online Dating before… but I quite like it in a hand in front of the eyes and hide behind the sofa type thing.

Welcome to A(n)nals of Online Dating.  It’s a simple idea: Online dating is the worst.  Submit the horrific messages you get, and we will collectively laugh at them.  Points given for lack of basic spelling and punctuation skills; bad sexual innuendo; reliance on cliche; terrible taste in books, music or movies; use of twelve-year-old-girl text-slang; and creep factor.

Now I have to say few of my dates are worthy of being included into this tragic site but most of them are ok. It would be hard to get over the overall feeling of boredom or the consistent battle to get the conversation flowing. But I could certainly include a few of my total nightmares.

My faith in male kind drops to a all time low after flicking through some of the archive posts.

For example sorry i only do disco sticks….

Okay I’m going to just ask and hope for the best….. lets be honest. Do you wanna hook up and fuck? You seem like my type of woman, personality wise. And I really like you. Sexy, free time college student here.. I’m NOT looking for a one night stand… I’m possibly considering a friends with benefits relationship.

I just haven’t enjoyed the way I would want to with anyone yet, still looking for something promising, like a fwb relationship or something discreet that can be ongoing and not just a one night thing. She needs to appreciate my body and treat it right, I do have a six pack, I do a lot of track and running here at my college, so I’m a runner pretty much. I don’t see the point of anal if the girl just wants a big stick of love up right up stretching her labia apart… I like to take my time when I’m with my partner and not just rush into it all, like to caress her and tease her… a lot… before I even show it to her, that way she will want it more. But I haven’t found the right woman for that can satisfy me with what I need. And no one has wanted to meet me.. haven’t had luck 🙁

And when you think its bad, it gets a whole lot worst…!

Author: Ianforrester

Senior firestarter at BBC R&D, emergent technology expert and serial social geek event organiser.